I am, not by Maram Khalif

Unregulated tachyons engulf me overnight
Psychotically walking down, the street and asking for a change
Panic! they say without adding unregulated state of mind and asking for my mother
Whom I never appreciated her smell inserting into my nostrils
While I avoided her gaze into my mind, call it contamination
To me to survive while un-consensually being moved bend over
Wiped my butt, while I cry to be unborn
Eat, I was told
Puke, I was denied
As I struggle to understand my state of humanity
The pain of her gaze on my skin burns
The sound of her melody made me cry to shut off the sound in my mind
Not creating a copy of this memory
The body shriveled in a black hole
Peaking now and then to see how I survived
Unable to read the lines
Unless I am alone
I ask listen to me without your words forming behind your eyes
Look at my direction without inserting me your ideas
And let me be a new human without your input
But, alas, this is not how to welcome one to the hood
I stayed mute to maintain me and the rest left me to move myself
Here I am alone and invisible but yet over familiar with your story
While mine stays intact in my muscles
If you allow me to be me to tell you
What the birds are singing about
the dream of a dinosaurs, even though you may cry
The fish’s sense of humor so deep, may hit you in the gut and make you chuckle
Rather than following you and becoming another avatar in your life
Until I am fossilized into something no one can get away from
A symptom
A character
A label
Into a system that does not allow diversity.


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Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.