Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Why I am Worried Sick

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  • #117341
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My short term memory has deteriorated since coming off Effexor. My organizational skills are worse than when drugged. And they were horrible then!

    Mom keeps talking about how I need to be put in a home. Will things ever get better? Even if they do, I can’t keep faking it for 12-18 months till they improve!

    I want to run far away from my emotionally abusive parents, but can’t afford anything but HUD. I have a HUD apartment, btw, but since I live only 40 miles away Mom won’t let me set any boundaries. If I quit house-sitting, visiting, or eating out with them Mom will become suspicious.

    A friend told me change locks and put a restraining order on them. Nothing unusual about that. Ha ha!

    Seems like I am incompetent or lazy. Scared to death Mom will find out I’m not on drugs or seeing the shrink I said I’m seeing. *Sigh.*

    If you’re dumb enough to believe drug commercials you deserve to be lied to!

    #118944
    Shawn
    Participant

    Hi Yet, I feel for you, similar situation going on here. I have memory issues from pills too, and have now a list of other health problems unrelated to them and because of these, I was forced to move in with family. I have three siblings and one of them thinks I belong in an institution and despite the problems I have, even doctors I highly doubt would act to put me there. Still they have become threatening, and they have been horribly emotionally abusive to me, telling me the problems I got from pills were not real, exaggerated, I needed to get a job (even though even strangers could see I was not able), and worse, this all despite even medical professionals admitting some of what happened.

    Is it even easy TO get into a group home where you are? Where I am it is incredibly difficult. It may well be your Mom has no realistic way TO do this to you. Still, it totally sucks, I have basically decided I have to escape as there are problems with others too, and am trying to plan in that respect. I agree that the lock and restraining order is not a good idea, it’s too overt, and will very likely cause a conflict. I don’t blame you for lying either, with what the drugs can do, it is a matter of self-preservation.

    #118971
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    The ironic thing is even people in the mental illness system know Mom’s behavior is hurting me. Their solution? Let them take total control of my life. I asked a psycho-therapist advocating this (abusive and controlling herself) how having the mental “health” folks take over my life would be any better than my parents. She fumbled for an answer, then got really angry. Never answered my question.

    I hate to say this, but if Mom were out of the picture Dad and I could get along much better. He doesn’t need to micromanage my life and is fine with my living 40 miles away.

    Mom doesn’t know what she wants. If she got me into a home she still would be unhappy. She would keep finding fault with the staff till she became unpopular with them. Because she dislikes most of the shrinks and therapists I have had (not sufficiently impressed with her AWESOME parenting skills) I’m not sure she’d make a good NAMI mommy. Plus she’s way too lazy to go anywhere in the evenings. So she never joined National Abusive Mothers Institute.

    #119045
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Found out Mom only wants to make sure I don’t get evicted. I jumped to conclusions. Easy to get unduly suspicions now.

    She wants me to be assigned a caseworker who would ensure a tidy apartment. Which is silly since they don’t do housework–or much of anything. My last caseworker wanted to keep me because I was so low maintenance.

    Hiring a cleaning lady once a month would be the practical solution.

    Still need to figure how to wiggle out of not having that therapist!

    #119140
    Shawn
    Participant

    [quote quote=118971]The ironic thing is even people in the mental illness system know Mom’s behavior is hurting me. Their solution? Let them take total control of my life. I asked a psycho-therapist advocating this (abusive and controlling herself) how having the mental “health” folks take over my life would be any better than my parents. She fumbled for an answer, then got really angry. Never answered my question.

    I hate to say this, but if Mom were out of the picture Dad and I could get along much better. He doesn’t need to micromanage my life and is fine with my living 40 miles away.

    Mom doesn’t know what she wants. If she got me into a home she still would be unhappy. She would keep finding fault with the staff till she became unpopular with them. Because she dislikes most of the shrinks and therapists I have had (not sufficiently impressed with her AWESOME parenting skills) I’m not sure she’d make a good NAMI mommy. Plus she’s way too lazy to go anywhere in the evenings. So she never joined National Abusive Mothers Institute.

    [/quote]

    Yeah I had people in the system who knew people around me were a problem too. But somehow they switched abuse into my being diseased in the brain. Then when I complain of akathisia, which is only caused by pills, I’m told the abuser caused it.

    #119143
    Shawn
    Participant

    [quote quote=119045]Found out Mom only wants to make sure I don’t get evicted. I jumped to conclusions. Easy to get unduly suspicions now.

    She wants me to be assigned a caseworker who would ensure a tidy apartment. Which is silly since they don’t do housework–or much of anything. My last caseworker wanted to keep me because I was so low maintenance.

    Hiring a cleaning lady once a month would be the practical solution.

    Still need to figure how to wiggle out of not having that therapist!

    [/quote]

    Good to hear the group home is out! I was lucky to get around caseworkers, not particularly a fan of them from what I hear of them. Never heard of one that does the dusting…usually they specialize in condescension where I live.

    As for the therapist, tell your Mom you just found this AMAZING new therapist everyone is raving about, that works over the phone. Then call a psychic line instead. Guess what Mom they predicted I’d do badly on psych drugs…

    Seriously though, I don’t know if this works for you but I got one way back when who does phone work, if you dig long enough you can find one who knows the system sucks, and then with them far away only accessible over the phone you can be “seeing your therapist” any ole time…Bonus points if you find someone out of the country as then the notes mean nothing.

    #119144
    Shawn
    Participant

    Not sure if he’s still working but there’s a guy in Texas did phone work sliding scale, Dr. John Breeding. Sure you could find other names around here too.

    #119185
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Mom picked out the center she wanted me to go to. I lied (shame on me.) I never lied before, but she refused to listen to anything I said criticizing psychiatry.

    I almost went. Was thinking about doing the bare minimum of crap–therapist once a month. Shrink every 3 months for drugs to administer to my toilet. I am losing weight effortlessly, I can smile easily, and my thinking is sharper–when my brain isn’t foggy.

    Been off drugs for 8 weeks! Sick from withdrawal after 25 years. I didn’t cold turkey, but feeling like you have FM is common according to Surviving Antidepressants. Not up to dancing a jig to celebrate yet. Amazing thing is I went off the drugs while sharing a single wide with my folks! And only one melt down in almost a year of chronic nagging and put-downs. My organizing is better now, but feeling like I have the flu all the time makes it hard to keep up. Plus I’m lazy.

    Anyhow, Mom can’t remember how worthless case managers are except for patronizing “consumers.” One screamed at me for lack of cleanliness in my efficiency and threatened to leave with the brain drugs I needed at the time. (Pretty sure THAT at least would be illegal! Discouraging “meds compliance” after all.)

    I already have Will Hall as a therapist. But on $733, I don’t talk to him more than quarterly. $120 a session. He’s helpful–has to be at that price. Mom believes I’m attending Lifesprings in town here, and demands I fill out paperwork so she can see my records. Thank God for HIPAA!

    #119338
    Shawn
    Participant

    Wow they tried to take your pills with them? Yeah that would possibly be grounds for them losing their job. Why can’t they do that when you want them to…argh. I noticed a while back psychiatry works with reverse psychology a lot, like when I was on a ward if you wanted out they wanted to keep you, and those who wanted to stay were often kicked out. Noticed too those in partly for addictions would beg for pills and they wouldn’t give them to them but if you don’t want them they will make you a walking pharmacy.

    And sorry your Mom’s breathing down your neck like that. Congrats on getting off the pills, that’s such a massive accomplishment, and amazing to be able to do it without melting down a lot. It sucks to have to pay out so much money to therapist when you have so little, too, been there too.

    #119506
    humanbeing
    Participant

    Please don’t throw your pills in the toilet; they end up in the water supply. I realize you can’t turn them in at the pharmacy, but poisoning fish/aquatic life/humans isn’t cool.

    #119516
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Usually I put them in the garbage. They end up with other toxins in a landfill.

    Funny. Everyone worries about nuclear waste–understandably. But no one mentions the dangers of psychiatric waste. There certainly is a lot more of THAT being made.

    #120335
    Shawn
    Participant

    Yeah I know about not putting them in the water. Funny thing is where I live they tell you to drop them at the pharmacy and the pharmacists have no better ideas for disposal than you can come up with on your own. They either get..dumped in water; incinerated (as some other garbage does) or go to landfill.

    And there is a definite blind spot in much of the environmental movement about pill waste too.

    #120373
    humanbeing
    Participant

    I turned my unused pharma back to the pharmacy from whence they came; the pharmacist told me they return them to the DEA.

    #120395
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    [quote quote=120335]Yeah I know about not putting them in the water. Funny thing is where I live they tell you to drop them at the pharmacy and the pharmacists have no better ideas for disposal than you can come up with on your own. They either get..dumped in water; incinerated (as some other garbage does) or go to landfill.

    And there is a definite blind spot in much of the environmental movement about pill waste too.

    [/quote]

    If the authorities admitted they were bad for the environment, folks would start asking, “Why am I swallowing this twice a day? Why am I force-feeding this crap to my 5-year-old son?”

    #120403
    humanbeing
    Participant

    Yeah, huh.

    [quote quote=120395]If the authorities admitted they were bad for the environment, folks would start asking, “Why am I swallowing this twice a day? Why am I force-feeding this crap to my 5-year-old son?”[/quote]

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