Thank you for taking the time to share this. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a great deal over a long period of time, much of it on your own. I appreciate you adding your voice to the conversation
Thank you for this; really resonate with his reflections around how even when it’s entirely understandable that people are scared, but that somehow the language of emotions is not enough, and that this needs to be recorded as problems of ‘mental health’.
My sense is that those good things can and do exist within the system, but the way the system is currently organised can create a tension with them. There can be a pull within a treatment-oriented framework that shifts attention away from those relational moments, rather than towards them.
I don’t think those experiences are unique to therapy or dependent on the system. They seem to be part of human encounters more broadly, and often exist outside of formal settings altogether. A great many of the people who have those kinds of relational qualities aren’t therapists, and don’t sit within therapy settings at all.
So I’m not saying the system is what makes that possible. If anything, it feels more a question of, given where we are, how we organise things in a way that helps rather than hinders those good things, and perhaps moves us towards a more relational understanding of one another.
What I was trying to gesture towards is that a shift in frameworks might allow us to see more clearly what’s already there. That some of these things are already happening, but not always in a way that is recognised or supported.
Language around eliminating or dismissing the field wholesale can make that kind of shift harder, in the sense that it risks entrenching positions rather than opening up reflection, even where much of that criticism is valid.
For me, the ‘good work’ is often found in those moments where a person feels genuinely met in their experience, where something of what they’re going through is seen and understood.
I don’t think it rests with one person alone, and perhaps it points to something that isn’t easily captured by that phrase alone. It seems to be something that happens between people, a sense of connection or recognition.
It’s about a space that emerges between people, where a person can begin to speak with openness and honesty about who they are, what they’re going through, and what matters to them. There can be a sense of being alongside one another, of trust and mutuality.
It’s not consistent and it’s not guaranteed, but when those moments do happen, they seem to make a difference in how people are able to speak, make sense of things, and relate to what’s happening to them.
I think that’s a fair point. It does raise an important question though: what actually brings about critical reflection and a willingness to question fundamental beliefs?
A shift in lens or paradigm isn’t about dismissing the field wholesale, but about seeing more clearly what’s already there, both in terms of what isn’t working, but also what is.
Critical voices are vital in this.
My sense, though, is that people are more likely to take a meaningful look in the mirror where there is at least some acknowledgement of the good work that is being done.
Otherwise, the kinds of points you’re making, and many valid criticisms more broadly, are more likely to be dismissed, even where much of what is said is warranted, which arguably is already the case.
I couldn’t agree more with a lot of what you’re saying.
The idea that we live in a society where people are not routinely understood, and that this then becomes something we pay for, does indeed reflect something about the culture we’re in. Ideally, that wouldn’t be the case.
I don’t see therapy as a solution to that broader problem. If anything, as you suggest, it sits within it.
The nature of a cancer experience is such that it often brings a person’s life, their relationships, and their very sense of self under significant strain. That isn’t a medical issue as such, but it is very much part and parcel of a cancer pathway.
What often comes into focus in these spaces are the pressures people carry in terms of how they feel they ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be; something that is itself often reflective of the culture we currently find ourselves in.
A reflective space can offer an opportunity to begin to question those assumptions. And it’s often from there that people find ways of bringing those around them into ‘their world’ and a clearer understanding of what they are going through.
Ideally, as you suggest, that kind of understanding would be more readily available within families and communities themselves. But as things stand, we are where we are.
It doesn’t resolve the wider social issue you’re describing, but perhaps a shift in paradigm could be understood as a movement in the direction of the kind of relational understanding you’re pointing towards, rather than something that stands apart from it.
The idea of experience being flattened into something more static really resonates. And the way language reshapes meaning within different frameworks feels like such an important point.
Thank you for taking the time to share this. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a great deal over a long period of time, much of it on your own. I appreciate you adding your voice to the conversation
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Thank you for this; really resonate with his reflections around how even when it’s entirely understandable that people are scared, but that somehow the language of emotions is not enough, and that this needs to be recorded as problems of ‘mental health’.
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That’s a vital set of questions.
My sense is that those good things can and do exist within the system, but the way the system is currently organised can create a tension with them. There can be a pull within a treatment-oriented framework that shifts attention away from those relational moments, rather than towards them.
I don’t think those experiences are unique to therapy or dependent on the system. They seem to be part of human encounters more broadly, and often exist outside of formal settings altogether. A great many of the people who have those kinds of relational qualities aren’t therapists, and don’t sit within therapy settings at all.
So I’m not saying the system is what makes that possible. If anything, it feels more a question of, given where we are, how we organise things in a way that helps rather than hinders those good things, and perhaps moves us towards a more relational understanding of one another.
What I was trying to gesture towards is that a shift in frameworks might allow us to see more clearly what’s already there. That some of these things are already happening, but not always in a way that is recognised or supported.
Language around eliminating or dismissing the field wholesale can make that kind of shift harder, in the sense that it risks entrenching positions rather than opening up reflection, even where much of that criticism is valid.
Report comment
That’s a good question.
For me, the ‘good work’ is often found in those moments where a person feels genuinely met in their experience, where something of what they’re going through is seen and understood.
I don’t think it rests with one person alone, and perhaps it points to something that isn’t easily captured by that phrase alone. It seems to be something that happens between people, a sense of connection or recognition.
It’s about a space that emerges between people, where a person can begin to speak with openness and honesty about who they are, what they’re going through, and what matters to them. There can be a sense of being alongside one another, of trust and mutuality.
It’s not consistent and it’s not guaranteed, but when those moments do happen, they seem to make a difference in how people are able to speak, make sense of things, and relate to what’s happening to them.
Report comment
I think that’s a fair point. It does raise an important question though: what actually brings about critical reflection and a willingness to question fundamental beliefs?
A shift in lens or paradigm isn’t about dismissing the field wholesale, but about seeing more clearly what’s already there, both in terms of what isn’t working, but also what is.
Critical voices are vital in this.
My sense, though, is that people are more likely to take a meaningful look in the mirror where there is at least some acknowledgement of the good work that is being done.
Otherwise, the kinds of points you’re making, and many valid criticisms more broadly, are more likely to be dismissed, even where much of what is said is warranted, which arguably is already the case.
Report comment
I couldn’t agree more with a lot of what you’re saying.
The idea that we live in a society where people are not routinely understood, and that this then becomes something we pay for, does indeed reflect something about the culture we’re in. Ideally, that wouldn’t be the case.
I don’t see therapy as a solution to that broader problem. If anything, as you suggest, it sits within it.
The nature of a cancer experience is such that it often brings a person’s life, their relationships, and their very sense of self under significant strain. That isn’t a medical issue as such, but it is very much part and parcel of a cancer pathway.
What often comes into focus in these spaces are the pressures people carry in terms of how they feel they ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be; something that is itself often reflective of the culture we currently find ourselves in.
A reflective space can offer an opportunity to begin to question those assumptions. And it’s often from there that people find ways of bringing those around them into ‘their world’ and a clearer understanding of what they are going through.
Ideally, as you suggest, that kind of understanding would be more readily available within families and communities themselves. But as things stand, we are where we are.
It doesn’t resolve the wider social issue you’re describing, but perhaps a shift in paradigm could be understood as a movement in the direction of the kind of relational understanding you’re pointing towards, rather than something that stands apart from it.
Report comment
Thank you for this. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience.
What you’ve said about relational energy, and how easily people can feel dismissed or misunderstood, really goes to the heart of it for me.
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Thank you, I really appreciate your response.
The idea of experience being flattened into something more static really resonates. And the way language reshapes meaning within different frameworks feels like such an important point.
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