Annie, there’s this part of your beautiful blog that spoke,or rather resonated, with me. “Yet, when I look in the mirror, there is someone different staring back at me now. She is older, yes; wiser even, maybe. But still, there is a sadness to her, an unmistakable void. The mirror mocks me, asks, “Why are you still here? Why do you deserve to be on this earth, when so many others are not?” I have no answers, turn away. Although I have pondered this very thought a hundred times, lost countless nights of sleep to it, tossing, turning, I remain perplexed. Despite everything, here I stand all these years later, a soldier still fighting a war with myself.” I think we all have that, especially in this society, and if someone doesn’t have this voice asking “why are you still here when so many others are not?” there might be something wrong with them. Same goes for these silly depression screening questions: “Do you want to give up?,. “Do you feel hopeless?” The way society is, our society, with all its superficiality, there’s more maybe something wrong with people that don’t feel that way. Food is entertainment. A more enhanced form of communication bringing the globe together with one click becomes fodder to have pop up ads harass anyone moving through it, new and improved communication not making the communication any more fluid but the ability to harass people with ads when the computers from 10 or more years ago would be still able to otherwise be functional. The physical resources for the new computers punged out of Africa mostly, while they are put together in China which suffers another kind of suppression than all the wars in Africa to keep it’s products cheap and “marketable.” People that own houses are privileged to have the value of them in mortgage sold off and played games with to cause worldwide economic collapse. And to get from one place to the next one has to drive in vehicles that are causing global warming, something I don’t even want to get into, because the answer was there already when they discovered electricity (supposedly for the first time) and stuff too simple and amazing for people to care about was pushed to the side. And so here we go with an answer that no one is supposed to believe in, that was there before the gas tycoons got people addicted to has. What what was known about electricity when it was discovered. Just bear with me, because I can’t push this to the side, although it would seem quite off topic, but isn’t. Heaviside https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oliver_Heaviside and others, including theories of Maxwell saw this. Electrons moving at a speed where time stops, being wave patterns that resonate with other wave patterns from other electrons – same as musical vibrations resonate and can cause anything with the same resonance to vibrate – but being from a matrix where (oh these silly scientists) where time has “stopped,” once the resonance has come into being it doesn’t wear out, because time isn’t there to stop it (how can time “stop” by the way. If I can move from here to there but before that had to realize I was at one point before I got to the other, does that mean that “space” stopped as well for me to realize there was one point I moved from and a point I moved to?). If potentials in time resonate with each other that doesn’t mean it has stopped. You can look at black hole theories and see how all black holes resonate with each other, by the way. If time didn’t have potential in order to come together in different resonating ways (like chords in music) then what!? except people have to think further and actually think rather than “perceive” what A Course in Miracles tries to teach. Unity, zero point energy, perpetual motion machine that people have made, displayed, some murdered others suppressed by various means. Recently they stopped killing such people that would “interfere with world economy,” would one be able to make a machine that while it lasts gets “free” electricity rather than having to pay a company that charges for the electricity, but the whole stop global warming movement doesn’t even really acknowledge such machines. And if you don’t believe all of that there still always were other form of getting energy that wouldn’t damage the ozone layer. Anyhow, what I was getting at was that all of us have such thoughts. Why are we still here. I do myself. Why some poor struggling family doesn’t have the dwelling I have, why I have food when people are starving in Africa, why I can click on a computer and others have nowhere to call for help when bombed by the latest strategical purge of the militaries of the “civilized” countries? But I do go to somewhere deeper with my mind, it does resonate with time, I can let go of stuff and not cause it to repeat, and help all those people I might feel I’m depriving of a life. I do also contribute “money” to causes, though……. Which brings another thing up….. I started donating to Save the Children, actually because when I got on disability I had extra money, wanting to help people, ended up lending it to who I didn’t know was an alcoholic and thus a sociopath, never got the money back, and when I pointed out that the 750 dollars could have sponsored a child with Save the Children for two years I decided to do that, myself. I could feel the energy, at one point. Resonating with the act. One day I was at a church, outside of it which mostly could be safer, and there was a feather laying there, in the dirt. There was a phrase I had been playing with – who knows why – “feathers in the dust creep sideways,” I would have picked it up but had just read that one could get mites from feathers, so I gave it a boost with my foot, and the wind took it up into the air, where it started twirling crazy. It was just too “crazy” for there not to be something else propelling it, the simple joy that it resonated with for me to see that there was something more there than just “?” and then it went and landed or perched in a bush. Within a few weeks or so I got in the mail the beginning here of this poem. It was on a card from Save the Children, Christmas cards they shared with those who were sponsors. “Hope” is the thing with feathers — That perches in the soul — And sings the tune without the words — And never stops — at all — And sweetest — in the Gale — is heard — And sore must be the storm — That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm — I’ve heard it in the chillest land — And on the strangest Sea — Yet — never — in Extremity, It asked a crumb — of me. https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/%22Hope%22_is_the_thing_with_feathers_%E2%80%94 But you see, that also transcends the physical, the “perception,” of how things are or how they work, or why one would “deserve” something or not….. I did try mentioning this to a “Priest,” and although the bible talks about Elijah being taken up to Heaven by a chariot of fire, he tried to convince me: “it was probably just the wind….” As if the miracles that built the whole church were there to provide the safety to convince people such things don’t happen, because they might have to actually think thoughts otherwise, not doctrines…..