“Why diagnose the traumatized instead of the traumatizers?” Karey H., I am blown away by your amazing insight and intelligence. You are, indeed, incredibly creative and gifted. I would love to read your full story in a book. I hope you are writing one. I just read through the 27 comments that have been posted so far, and they are all amazing, too. I would love to have everybody over to my house for dinner and a long gab session. I feel like I have found my tribe! One thing that hasn’t been addressed here is the fact that abusers come in both sexes. While most of my abusers have been male, by far the worst abuser in my life was my mother. And she seems to have only gotten worse with age. I called her a few months ago. After a few minutes of polite catching up, she said the worst, most abusive, most gaslighting, evil, projecting thing that she has ever said to me. Considering that my mother has verbally abused me for well over half a century, that’s saying something. I had been no contact for a number of years before I called her. When I called, I was hoping that age may have mellowed her and taught her a few lessons. But apparently it does not work that way with the worst abusers. So, I won’t be calling her again. “Why diagnose the traumatized instead of the traumatizers?” You nailed it, Kari, right there.