Monday, December 5, 2022

Comments by NeighsayerJeff

Showing 6 of 6 comments.

  • I’ve been pondering this stuff for a while, and I’ve determined we have epigenetic responses to abuse – but I’m not sure the reverse is true, I’m not sure there is any real biology to support healing, like psychological healing, I’m sorry to say.
    For me, if things are going to improve for our kids and their kids, the thing is to stop the abuse, to stop the epigenetic changes, start to slowly turn things around, Lamarckian evolution, bit by bit, generation by generation. Stopping abuse, though – it’s not simple. We’re pretty sure we need it, and many, many parents plan to “not spank” and basically all fail – not reasonable, I know, but true. We treat abuse as an accident, although we treat LEGITIMATE abuse as mandatory and we can’t make the connection, we don’t think there’s a reason that we almost MUST abuse, and that the good stuff isn’t scientifically different from the bad stuff. But there is.
    I’m not saying the reason is right, just that there’s a reason, and we have to stop pretending it’s all an accident and address the reasons, change the situation. Generation by generation.

  • thanks for allowing this. I know it’s not . . . productive, from the therapy POV and it’s not immediately apparent that we’re going to be able to anything about it, but somehow, I feel we need to start to see it anyway, nothing can happen until that happens. I’m trying to find some language for it, it’s hard to even talk without being on the in-group side of something, hard to find language that isn’t suffused with some enemy or some other, controlling everything.
    Don’t have to post this, just thanks.

  • Hey, this is painful to read, but the medical stuff is killer and clear and seems like I should have known it all automatically. What I have to add to this conversation is . . . substrate, background, maybe a less male-centric version of evolutionary psychology. I think this is all no accident, that humans have rules about abuse, mostly that everybody gets some. Abuse is part of our lives, criminal and otherwise. We have normalized and legalized a certain level of it, everyone must behave within certain parameters, the price of civilization, so to speak – but the good legal stuff and the bad criminal stuff, it’s all abuse, a little bit doesn’t have the opposite effect that a lot of it has. There is a whole lot of abuse, some of exactly the stuff on this page, that wouldn’t be happening if just about everyone didn’t think some level of it was good for you. The bad stuff is going on all around us, all the time, and we can’t see it, because it’s not that different from the good kind, that nobody minds. A crying child next door? Probably the good kind, right? That’s probably how the neighbors reacted listening to the crying from my family, I’d like to think that if they all feared the worst, that somebody might have picked up the phone. But all this damage, all these multiple injuries, human stuff over and above or as well as natural disasters and illnesses – we are unconsciously compelled to do just that. everybody must get stoned. I think it’s all about warrior society, in-group and out-group stuff, we think – unconsciously – that if we are not abused, we won’t be tough enough to warrior and defend. This is what “spoiled” means – spoiling a future, driven, snarling aggressive, not afraid of dying troop soldier by not providing the necessary early abuse – I’m against it! This is not an endorsement! But this is what I think our unconscious minds are up to and we need to know it to stop it. Surely, we have all noticed that it seems harder to stop it than stopping some random thing, some accident, abuse, I mean. That’s my theory, Murphy’s Law of Nature: “nurture” as a powerful agent, means abuse, and that’s what we do that actually changes people. Just in the wrong way.

  • Wouldn’t you think this is the hugest flaw, for similar phenotypes to be, it takes both similar genes AND similar environment, so that proves that separating twins into different households does not necessarily change the environment in a meaningful way? The amazing match of these separated phenotypes proves it, a simple truth table, no? All adoptable households have the same environment for kids.