Showing 100 of 104 comments.
Yes, it causes many of us to want a peaceful sleep
Some of us don’t want to keep going and just wish for “death with dignity” please………………
I understand what you are saying. I wish I could say more to add to what you have said in your posts but even I am ethical enough not to use curse words.
I understand what you mean and “survivors” is a better word than “heroes” for the reasons you mention. And I too am mad as hell about having to feel like a survivor.
Dear Julie. Yes, I understand. In my case the whole world cut me off especially the person who would say “Just try something different”
Oldhead. Why would we expect it to be different in the USSR today with Putin as leader and Trump supporting him.
Yes, we are not “mad” or “psychiatric survivors” but those still alive should be referred to as “psychiatric heroes”
Sorry you found this out the hard way, but you stood /stand up for your student clients. Something my many therapists as a student and as an adult never did.
Wish I had some ideas for you should this happen again but I don’t.
Now that is truly criminal and since they are your clients I’m sure you speak the compassionate truth.
What do I think? I agree with you completely especially about the police.
Dear Slaying the Dragon of Psychiatry
Antipsychiatry…….Yes, truth, common sense, and justice! Well said!
Good quoting of laws and good laugh in our sleeves.
You are so very very right.
Good use of Animal House.
A good example of an oxymoron!
Dear Someone Else. ASHAMED indeed.
Dear Kindredspirit. You say it so well when you say, “What is needed is restoration of the social contract”. If only more professionals knew what you know.
Dear Alex. So very well said. You said it better than I ever could. Thanks.
Dear Teresa: Yes we should all encourage the so-called expert to go FAR “away”.
Interestingly it has been proven that a therapist’s personal philosophy/experiences in CBT or any other therapy is more important than their training, no matter what school they attended.
Dear Slyvain. Yes definitely a form of unethical corruption!
Dear Vitas. Yes what happened to “Do No Harm”??
Dear Vitas. Thank you for your bravery in recounting your story.
Dr Joseph. Thank you for a very thorough discussion of a controversial topic. Job well done.
Dear Oldhead. Your thinking is critical.
Have you come up with anyways to unify survivors around a common platform and an analysis of psychiatry based on material reality and not wishful thinking?
I am a Phd in Biopsychology and please email me at:
Thanks for your rational thinking.
I agree with most of what the other commenters say or imply. The ideas the blog poster Mr. Nikkel mentions are complex and seem impossible to implement in our current society.
When will we see a valid, scientific publication in a psychiatric journal that documents proven ways to ween from multiple psychiatric medications that have no proven efficacy or safety and are often prescribed on top of each other?? This is just one of many concerns with what the poster has to say.
As far as the male in the 2nd AOT article, he killed himself because he was so distraught with what happened to him. How will our current psychiatric system prevent that?
Information is important but action that the money driven system will implement is essential.
How, and more importantly “when” will that implementation happen especially with our current political process that has very very much on their hands.
“Slowly” is simply not good enough for those who are currently suffering, including their families, and people who everyday are beginning to suffer.
Yes I do understand it is a daunting task involving much time and money, especially now. Where is that time, money and the professional psychiatric community which is also critical. Why have we waited so long?
People have been suffering for many many years and yet advocates say it is possible to make meaningful changes.
As someone who has suffered for years “daunting” means “impossible” to me and a huge number of others.
Steve, we are in “checkmate” IMHO.
I am not an extreme person, but having worked for pharmaceutical companies for 13 years and also having been severely injured by psychiatric drugs how does one pull themselves out of terror by realization or discussion?
How does a small group of injured people combat a pharmaceutically based huge system that has vast amounts of money, control, supporters, credibility, attorneys and reluctance to listen to views counter to their own which threaten their livelihood? Those who have concerns are looked at as sick especially if they have a diagnosis. How many people subscribe to MIA compared to those who wield huge power, money and control.
So Steve, as a moderator for MIA what is your solution or the solution by those who work for MIA, or even the solution by Dr. Wood? Thanks.
Thank you for your posts that “speak truth to power”. For those of us severely injured by “psychiatry” what do we do??
My gosh. I can identify with almost everything you say and I’m a 66 year old male. Since I can identify I think I can also say I understand especially when you say “Monster doctor”. From the point of view of the “disillusioned psychiatrist” it is not enough to help psychiatrists since it is imperative to help those who feel that psychiatric drugs and their other “treatments” destroyed their lives. So I would ask the “disillusioned and guilty psychiatrist”. How are you and the psychiatric community helping those whose lives have been extremely altered or destroyed by their “profession”?
Dear Dr. Wood
Thank you for speaking up, but what are you doing to change or abolish psychiatry that has destroyed many lives including mine and continues to do so??
I feel exactly the way you do (angry as hell) and I am a 66 year old male and a former professional whose life was destroyed by Psychiatry.
Dear Leighgage and others
Yes as a former 66 year old male “client” plied with a plethora of drugs and who as a former professional I am sorry for your loss and am also sorry that Psychiatry as a profession even exists since it destroyed my life.
I may have responded to your comment about how well orthomolecular psychiatry works but re-read your comment and have to say how much it irreversibly Damaged me with stigma and it’s also unproven approach. It was no better than the many psychiatrists I saw throughout my life and I am now a disabled 66 year old former professional male.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone .
Bcharris. I too tried Orthomolecular Psychiatry including high does of vitamins especially Niacin. It cost me a fortune, and did nothing to prevent me from dropping out of school.
Agreed. Enough debating. It is time to act in any way we can.
Thank you as a Psychiatrist for speaking the truth. Very few do. I’m from NY too and one of the “crickets” who happens to be a PhD in Biopsychology.
Very well said.
“Then we have to protect those next in line to be victimized”.
The most important and cogent statement of all the comments.
I know exactly how you feel. Psychiatrists are indeed Charlatans. Zel
No we are not really disagreeing. Thank you so much for your post.
Yes. His work should continue to inspire all of us!
I wish someone felt like that for me.
The cat and Someone else
Why haven’t people done so already? Making YouTubes and speaking up, etc. Perhaps they’re afraid of reprisals?? I would be!!
I’m sorry. From what I have seen and experienced and continue to see in my 66 years I don’t believe it is a question of time before the media gets involved in this. That is why I cited a few of the things the media is involved in. Perhaps you are younger and more optimistic than I? No real need to respond. I don’t really want to go back and forth with our points of view. However, I do respect your thinking. Thanks.
Michael Simonson, Old head, Steve, Jclaude
I don’t mean to be critical of your comments about the media or your extensive efforts to contact them. I am just confused by assertions of their lack of interest in the survey as being due to “advertisers”, “lack of compassion”, “their agendas”, etc.
It seems odd or at 66 years old perhaps I am just naive?
The media sources I am familiar with including: MSNBC, CNN, NPR, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, various local newspapers, various local televised news, etc seem to report on all types of topics including:
1. Priests abusing young boys
2. Unfair and abusive conditions of workers at Amazon
3. Continuing sexual abuse and harassment of girls and women by celebrities, high power people, and Trump
4. Abuse and mistreatment of dogs
5. Documentary about FDA abhorrent approval process for medical devices
6. The opiate crises especially overdoses
7. The serious issue of climate change
Unfortunately there are many others.
The words of respondents to Michael’s survey ring in my ears. “I was treated worse than a dog”, and other unbelievable comments.
I am forced to conclude once you receive a psychiatric diagnosis, which have no scientific basis, and how I was treated, you are probably considered less than human and not worth reporting about.
Michael went with a respondent of the survey to a meeting with a political representative in CT and videotaped this meeting which was heartbreaking. He and she made suggestions about changes they would like to see. I asked if he thought any of their suggestions to the reprentative would illicit action and he said he didn’t think so.
Zel Dolinsky, PhD in Biopsychology
I just wanted to say that probably all of us (including me who filled out the survey) and the nearly 500 people who took the survey, want to see the survey results widely distributed beyond MIA.
I spoke with Michael Simeonson who did an excellent job creating, administering, summarizing the data and presenting the survey results about getting the survey results, especially the respondent comments, to the media.
He told me he tried with the support of Robert Whitaker (The creator of MIA) to get the media interested in the survey results.
He said he contacted 300 media sources but heard back from none.
What is the media afraid of??
I will try to keep this short. Thank you for the courage to post your comment. At least you are young and have the hope and energy to change our broken US Mental Health Care System.
As a 66 year old Biopsychologist I have much to say but will leave it up to the nearly 500 psychiatrically hospitalized individuals from the recent survey done by Mad In America (MIA). SEE BELOW.
Manuela and others please see all their comments. They are relevant because they also relate to other aspects of our US Mental Health Care System.
For 13 years I worked for pharmaceutical companies via a CRO called SCIREX. I headed the medical writing division. I can’t tell you how many times people in the CRO were angry at me for slowing up the writing process when I wanted answers about various issues with data. This was not even for studies involving psychiatric medications!!
I’m so sorry that MIA doesn’t seem to be interested in listening to you. You have helped me. I thought MIA was about change? The things you say seem to be in keeping with many ideas expressed by Open Dialogue? As both someone extremely traumatized by the US mental health system including abusive hospitalizations (I filled out the survey) and poly pharmacy, I also try to do my best truely accepting and trying to relate to someone like your spouse. I am a 66 yo male PhD Biopsychologist with over 30 years of experience who no longer can work. I would like to give someone from MIA a chance to comment on your insights and about your take on their interactions with you like the moderator of the MIA comments (Steve McCrea) or especially Bob Whitaker the head of MIA. And ask them what they are doing to try to get the information from the hospitalization survey out to the general public via a respected and non-biased form of media?
Maradel and others
Here is a recent podcast done by an MD from NPR called 2nd opinion explaining about the Semmelweis issue and how it still exists today
As a 66 year old PhD Biopsychologist who was a participant in the survey and because of my traumatic hospitalizations no longer work I agree with all you say. At least you have at least 1 supporter on this site. I realize that we are trying to fight a highly medically educated hierarchy who believe they have the answers. Have we not learned anything from the long ago story of Semmelweis who tried to confront his medical community with clear proof yet was an MD and was ostracized and placed in a psychiatric hospital by threatened MDs where he died.
I have read many of your posts and consider you a very brave man. Please don’t leave those who listen to your insights and have some experience with what you have dealt with.
Michael (the author of the survey)
I wonder why there are only 64 MIA commenters submitting comments about this important survey??
Old Head. I am doing the best I can to make it day to day since I am also dealing with Poly psych drug withdrawal that I was on for 30 yrs as well as the polypharmacy from the hospitalizations. However I will do the best I can to stick around and publicize the survey (I agree with you that not much has changed) however I find the majority of the comments from the survey totally shocking. I would like to also somehow? get the word out about the importance of trauma and ethics in the workplace which I experienced and being very very careful about trusting what pharmaceutical companies say including about medical devices as well as their data by so called “experts”. Only in the US and New Zealand is there direct to consumer marketing of all types of drugs on the TV by non other than pharmaceutical companies!! Take care
Old head I misspoke. At 66 I still have a PhD in Biopsychology and worked in that field teaching medical school for 10 years and then worked for pharmaceutical companies as a medical writer for 13 years. I realize now that most of what I taught or did was incorrect/false. I was deemed psychiatrically disabled 10 years ago and no longer work. I was the person whose comment in the survey was “Too painful to discuss”
The_Cat. Thanks so much for listing the sites to list complaints. I was someone who filled out the survey and as a professional feel terribly traumatized by several of my forced hospital experiences. Is there any assurance that if I list experiences at the well known psych hospital in CT regarding various forms of abuse that they won’t try to retaliate against me in some way?
Thank you. I am very scared now. People tell me not to lose hope and to keep on trying and not act like a victim. That I am not helpless and should act as a responsible adult.
Your utube is not available?
Yes I am very noise everything sensitive too and use ear plugs. Thank you for responding. It is hard to maintain hope. I feel very Overwhelmed alone and powerless. Goodnight for now.
Thank you. I wish I could find anything that calms me but after being hospitalized 6 times via police and ambulance I can’t sleep anymore. I have been taken fro tm my condo because I wasn’t caring for it or myself after being returned there after being hospitalized. I had been a successful PhD researcher who at 50 lost his 13 year job through no fault of his own and an intimate relationship left me with no warning who because of a very complicated situation I had to see several times a week though I didn’t want to have anything to do with her. and after trying to hold it together for 5 yrs broke down in my Psychiatrists office because I was frustrated that meds were not working. I was not violent just very scared. Next thing he leaves the room and says it’s done and an ambulance and police take me to the hospital. In hospital I was taunted by staff and patients. One patient followed me around for 2 weeks telling me about judgement day and saying he would stick pencils in my ear. Another patient said he was the devil and referenced trying to help me in the past but now he was going to kill me and throw me in a dumpster. These were not hallucinations though I was heavily drugged. I’ve been placed in a “retirement” home single room and outside my window is a dumpster which is emptied many times a day night with loud noises that remind me of what the person in hospital told me. I am afraid to leave my room. I can’t think clearly anymore. I panic whenever I see an ambulance or hear a police siren which is often since older residents are being taken to the hospital daily. I feel like I am living in hell or feel I must be being punished. What scares me most is that I have been unable to sleep and am having violent thoughts when in the past I was a gentle introverted person.
I feel the same way after 6 hospitalizations. Now I can’t sleep at all and people tell me I am just playing the victim role. I now suffer from intense anxiety and physical symptoms due to loss of appetite. I’m scared to death of hospitals and doctors and can’t function. I’m a 65 yo male who is now anorexic and don’t feel well and am afraid I’ll be hospitalized again?
I am very sorry for your experience. I can identify with you. I too have suffered irreversible damage at the hands of psychiatrists my whole life. I too had a successful career but am now a basket case. Don’t trust anyone or anything. God help us. People tell me you can’t change the past and just need to move forward. Or pray and God will help you. I don’t feel I can do that anymore and now even blame myself.
Career Psych Subject
Yes you are right. I was horribly damaged by the system and I worked right within it. I had a psychiatrist as a boss who was as manipulative a person who you could find. The problem was I bought into all his nonsense and did not quit until the damage was done.
Yes I identify with this article but at 65 yo and given the additional label as disabled I fell hook line and sinker into the trap. Labeled at an early age as schizophrenic when I was just reacting to living in a family where I was psychologically and physically abused by my father and bullied and beat up by next door neighbors and given every single drug available up to haldol which caused me as an adolescent to have muscle spasms at work. I went on to gather other labels and be treated with additional drugs throughout my life. Interspersed with this I somehow managed to obtain a PhD in Biopsychology and went on to hold responsible positions looking for the cure for being me. However I never really escaped the labels since I was never a truly happy person and sought out jobs and relationships that just replicated my victim state. Over time when I had subsequent problems coping I continued to turn toward medication and then ended up involuntarily hospitalized several times where I got more medication and was tormented by staff as well as patients. I became more and more disabled. Unfortunately I also developed physical problems and unrelenting insomnia. I don’t really feel any hope for recovery now. I do accept some responsibility for my actions but my early labeling and subsequent acceptance of and treatment has led me to where I am now. Lack of sleep and damage to my body by self abuse are too much to bear. It was not until I began reading MIA that I had any real perception of what was going on.
Thank you Catnight. My story is more involved than I wrote but kept it short. I have tried many of your suggestions over the course of 8 yrs as well as untold friends and family that have tried to help. I am exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually and once a professional very responsible active person am literally afraid of my own shadow and have been unable to work or concentrate. I have acted in very irresponsible ways and have not slept in yrs. I appreciate your caring and suggestions.
I’m leaving this comment in hopes that it may help someone in the future. I’ve lost most of my hope. At 14 yrs old I was diagnosed as schizophrenic even though I met none of the criteria. I was dosed with every available drug including Haldol which caused me to have neck spasms at work. I went on to drop out of college. I fought back and eventually went back to college but felt I would never have children or a family because of this diagnosis and others I received later in my life with more drugs and later traumatic hospitalizations. To this day I wonder if my young brain body may have been affected by that drug and subsequent drug treatment.
Glad you made it. I was not so lucky. My story began like yours but back 50 yrs when I was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and dosed with everything under the sun including Haldol which gave me seizures at work. I was just a very very sensitive boy in a very dysfunctional family where I was labeled the sick one. I ended up dropping out of college with a nervous breakdown. I struggled back without meds and eventually accomplished many things but took on the victim role replicating my family for the rest of my life and always went back to meds thinking that there was always something broken in me when I ran into trouble. I’m now a 65 yo disabled professional who has lost everything. I hope others learn from our stories.
As a former psychopharmacologist Who is now on disability perhaps from withdrawal of long term psych med use. I am wondering if you have any insight into why some people have little or no trouble withdrawing from SSRIs and or Benzos even after yrs of use in a short time with no ill after effects. I know several and there is scientific literature that documents this and for others it is such a devastating experience. How can we explain the differences?
Do you have any experience with withdrawal from Parnate?
I feel it is too late for me. I was a 65 yo professional male who is now on disability. I was mislabeled as a schizophrenic when a young person from a family that physically emotionally and sexually abused me and then treated me as the sick one. I was heavily drugged as a young boy to treat my illness and believed I was irreparably damaged. I ended up fighting back from serious depression and anxiety several times in my life usually from issues associated with relationship breakups or sexual issues given many drugs and allowed myself to become the victim in many many situation including at the hands of a psychiatrist who was my boss. I’ve now been hospitalized 6 times all with police involved. I am an extremely introverted sensitive person and was extremely frightened by being in a psych ward. The first time against my will where I was not a danger to myself or others but raised my voice out of frustration that the many drugs I had tried did not help my depression. The others for being suicidal or because I was not functioning. In the hospital I was taunted by staff and patients and heavily drugged. Taunted Especially by staff who seemed to bring up my professional background. Patients who followed me around 24/7 told me this was a safe place but could stick a pencil in my ear and many other stories that upset me too much to tell. I was told by a psychiatrist recently there was nothing wrong with me and just needed to have an epiphany and later asked by the same pdoc what drugs I thought I should be on because ironically I have a PhD in biological Psychiatry and insisted I get treatment because I had been hospitalized. Another Psychiatrist told me I just needed to get a part time job and not be angry. I have lost everything I worked my whole life for. I have managed to work for the majority of my life despite many “breakdowns” It is only recently reading the many pieces on MIA that I realize I was fed psychological and psychiatric lies most of my life. When I tried to reject them or displayed my sense of agony I was ridiculed or rejected. I now trust no one and hide from the world afraid of my own shadow. Sorry I am not one of the success stories on MIA.
When I worked for a veterinarian we used Nembutal and the animal died almost instantaneously before the syringe was empty.
Yes many years lost.
As long as there is someone you trust to listen without calling the police or paramedics.
I’m sorry. I’m now 64 and have been going around and around the system all my life dealing with this. I was mislabeled or labeled at all at an early age and yet accomplished a lot at a tremendous effort. I have lost everything of meaning to me and trying all kinds of tapers and cold turkeys drug substitutes etc of psych drugs. The reason to taper or get off these drugs is to return to your life of love, family, friends, occupation, hobbies, joys. What if you have nothing to return to?
Thank you again for your different perspective. Yes I guess I do feel punished and I now do see that in the amalgam of my life it did have many many good people and good times but nonetheless also had more and more consistent negative experiences with relationships/attachments that were double binds (think Sophie’s Choice or Dead Poets Society) and created a perfect storm as I got older and sought more and more help instead of fighting against certain “helpers” situations and standing up for myself. I have been told not to come back to groups because I was too negative even though I barely dragged myself to the group and sometimes was the only one there. I was also told by a therapist that I was a whiner. My long term psychiatrist (20 years) told me he couldn’t see me anymore because he had too many administrative duties but his website said he was taking new patients. When I was hospitalized he was my roommates psychiatrist and he ignored me. I was by nature an extremely sensitive caring introverted inquisitive intelligent male who never did drugs or got in trouble but even in elementary school was told I asked too many questions so I stopped for a long time and was told by my sister that she wished she had a sister and who lived across the street from bullies and at times was afraid to go outside. I was also bullied in elementary school. My first real love seduced me on our first date. I did not really want that but I was a male how could I refuse? then went on to reject me when she found out from someone else that I was a “depressive” based on some test I took. She went on to date and marry someone I knew and because it was in school I saw them together all the time. So I buried myself in work. I actually saw her on a TED talk talking about how to turn adversity into opportunity. None of the negative seemed to matter when things were going what I thought were well. As I think I realize there are many many more broken and unresolved attachments that I have tried to surpress that just accumulated and must have affected me. I feel beaten up now even by myself and am now exhausted and just want to rest but can’t. Thank you for the dog link and caring in spite of your situation. I had a younger woman friend who struggled a lot because of abusive parents and spent much of her youth in an institution turned out to be d.i.d and has an assistance dog. She has a loving partner friends a job as a therapist and caring children. These all mitigate against the negative. I do have a cat but ignore and now push away her acts of love. She use to purr all the time but now she lies in the corner and sighs. I wouldn’t be able to take care of a dog emotionally, physically or now financially. Goodbye for now.
Thanks for your perspective. I’ve never really heard it before. At 65 I don’t really know where / how to turn to help myself. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m basically in servere survival mode on many fronts now in a very deep hole where I have been many times before and I barely “muscled” my way through. Society does not look kindly on a frightened dependent male especially one who at times was very very functional productive and helpful to others and then does a 360 and seems to turn into an angry helpless self destructive dependent child hiding from responsibility and reality. Many many others (I know a few) grow up with far worse abuse and/or loss disability during their life than myself and go on to be mature productive responsible loving adults to themselves and others.
I understand. But I can’t help but blame myself since I now realize I was aware that I was doing things I knew were wrong. Your wife is very very lucky to have you and The fact that you did not leave so I can also understand the extreme difficulty of your situation. I had a woman friend who was always there for me like that who did help me through tough times in the past over many years when I was suffering but She has MS never complains and is not well and though I helped her at times I became more and more frantic and needy as my life fell apart. Even with her disability she would try all kinds of things to help me. She has always been extremely positive even as she has lost more and more function. It literally breaks my heart that I can’t be there for her or be doing research to help her. She won’t let me come to see her anymore because I scare her too much. I had an extreme panic attack the last time I was there and thought I would die in 30 mins and she rushed me to the ER where I calmed down all of a sudden with a shot of Valium but I think over the years it took its toll on her. No matter what she did she could not comfort me and I think it caused her too much pain to see the transformation in me. I have also called her at all hours in desperation because I also thought I was dying or couldn’t do simple things in my house or find something etc. She and I seldom talk now because I am so distressed and desperate and don’t want to upset her. I also feel ashamed that that despite her declining health she has told me she loves life helps others and always has hope when I don’t. I did the same to a male friend who I had helped in the past who was a kind and gentle soul who is a Quaker and his now wife who actually had me live with them for awhile as she moved in with him and witnessed their loving relationship (the complete opposite of any relationship I ever had) and I did nothing as they shuttled me from one psychiatrist therapist to another and they lived an extremely active and productive life while I stayed in their home pretended to read self help books and he believed in Eclhardt Tolle and calmly espoused his teachings and had me watch his videos over and over again which only made me feel more and more guilty that I was letting my ego and pain body was destroying me. The final $325 an hr psychiatrist told me I was an angry person didn’t need drugs and that I needed to find a job and move back to my home. After working my whole life as a professional I have not worked for many yrs now and am on disability. Which brings me more shame. Another told me It was not healthy to be in earshot of them having sex. Even after moving back home this friend kept calling but it seemed the more he and others wanted to help the more resentful and angry I became as he told me all the positive things in his life and how well he has been coping with difficulties. And that I should just keep trying different things. There is a lot more and the bottom line is that we all need people but I am now afraid and jealous of people and just hide. Again I realize the torment you must go through and yet you have not abandoned your wife or your life.
As I read your posts about your wife I wonder if d.i.d is possible in males. In my life I have had many diagnoses including schizophrenic, depression, manic depressive, OCD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, being co-dependent, considered extremely self absorbed. At times fiercely independent and at other times feeling helpless to the point of rocking and trying to sooth myself and feeling unbelievably frantic and panicked when stressed and alone, extremely self critical, and judgemental. Having extreme patience and empathy and then at other times feeling and acting sadistic and rageful. I am unable to sustain healthy female intimate relationships. I gravitate toward abusive or cold detached women for intimate relationships.
Yes. I had a patient tell me we were supposed to be safe here and then say but if I wanted to I could stick a pencil in your ear. Constantly follow me around day and night talking about judgement day. A woman gave me a pornographic picture. Rooms were searched routinely. Activities included painting bird houses and watching videos about the benefits of ECT. I now live in constant fear of any doctors and police or paramedics.
Yes at 64 and a male I feel the way you do but I have been in panic mode 24/7 for several yrs since being in where I was taunted/tortured by other patients. I am barely surviving. I have not been outside for months. Reading about others makes me feel worse. I feel paralyzed in my own skin.
So how does one like me who has no one left and has been forcefully been put into psych hospitals deal with constant suicidal thoughts? I just can’t go back there again. I’m not asking for a reply. It is just a question of desperation for those of us who did not avoid the system. I remember myself in the good times when I traveled, sailed, taught, had hopes and dreams of someday meeting a mate and look at those around me who are free to come and go as they please even just going to the beach when I literally live in terror 24/7.
You sound like an amazing person who has found the most unique perspective and way of looking at things I have ever read. I wish I had met you many years ago. I who am a PHD biopsychologist know and believe what I have read in so many books and articles which change from day to day many of which I now believe are very blaming and critical and contribute to the voices which I believe you have said are just repetition of what we are told. It seems you have learned from lived experience that can’t be taught in books.
Thank you for your response. I can’t really blame the people or even very good non psychiatrists therapists who tried to help me. They were extremely persistent and tolerant over periods of years and a few put up with behavior that was just not acceptable for anyone to endure. I have a cat but feel no love for it and feel it is more a burden. She is a wonderful loving animal. I am now remembering things my father said to me when I was young such as “You will never know what love is”. I seem to have many of his statements engrained in me. I am glad you have found peace and some healing. I realize I bought into and believed many lies but as an male adult of 65 now and always am also responsible for avoiding the responsibilities that all humans need to address that I did not. Besides some very abusive people in my life I realize I also had many many caring people too. I was an extremely avid dancer but gave it up when I could not avoid seeing my ex at dances. After a while you can’t keep blaming others and need to grow up and learn what it means to care for yourself and your and others needs. I realize I kept turning to what were magic pills to substitute for a balanced disciplined life.
Thank you for your suggestions. BTW I am a male. Back when I tried Orthomolecular psych I learned TM. It was never very helpful then or now. I have been in many many support groups though they have mainly been based on a biological model. NAMI, DBSA, etc. Though at one time I was also in Emotions Annonymous. The bottom line is that These did help somewhat I always returned to my destructive way of thinking of relating to myself relationships and the world. I have had many many kind and supportive friends who believed in me but I just could not seem to believe in myself. As they matured and saw I did not accept their love and caring they moved on with their own lives as I remained in crisis. Thank you for your suggestions.
Thank you. I’m sorry to hear of your experience. I too have now been struggling with Benzos. I took them Klonopin for over 20 yrs never abusing them and feeling like they were my lifeline. I tried various methods including a residential one where they called me an addict was with hard core addicts and took me off quickly and I freaked out I also tried to discontinue including a very very slow taper per Ashton with a doctor but have not been able to stop them for more than 2 weeks. I ran into a pdoc who told me in his experience there are some who need to be on them for life. The dose I always took is now ineffective and just makes me feel tired for about 1 hour. Yet I am terrified of discontinuing and try to take less as absolutely needed. Yes I have tried EFT and variations of it several times when I was doing better. My experience with Orthomolecular back then was with very hi doses of vitamins. I also have had an extensive homeopathic work up and treatment. Currently my diet is very poor as I am living in a retirement home because I had my own home but was unable to take care of myself and the home and the food they serve at the retirement home is barely edible yet costs 1000’s of dollars and I don’t eat much since the other residents scare me since many have serious behavioral and physical problems and are at least 20 yrs older than I am and many are more functional than I. I also now have extreme agoraphobia and although I have a car I don’t drive. I never lost hope in the past but I am now. My life was my work but I no longer work and am on SS disability which itself I find makes me ashamed. Enough. Good luck to you.
Mine is a long story. In short?
As an adolescent I was diagnosed as pseudoneurotic schizophrenic. Which was none sense I see now though it turned me into a neurotic victim. I was just a very sensitive kid who had a complicated disturbed family situation was bullied by neighbors and where I was labeled the sick one and was given every drug in the book at that time including all the antidepressants and mellaril navane culminating in haldol. When that didn’t work I went to an Orthomolecular Psychiatrist who also considered me schizophrenic and put me on massive doses of vitamins which did not work. As I got older I had symptom free periods without meds where I accomplished much I became a workaholic and some happy times but When things got very stressful especially in relationships I would freak out and at those times believe something was wrong with me. In the past I have tried CBT DBT IOP rational emotive therapy biofeedback many if not all the newer meds. I have been hospitalized several times and given lots of meds and was literally tortured by other patients. I’m exhausted and have become paranoid. I have to accept some responsibility for where I am based on bad decisions too and acting like a helpless victim and pushing away all my wonderful friends out of shame who tried incessantly to help me and rescue me but in the back of my mind I guess I never could shake my early experiences. I am scared to death now of anything having to do with Psychiatry or Psychology police or ambulances. I don’t feel like I have much hope.
What happened to you? He seems very coherent on the video. Remarried and got his career back. When I was in the hospital I was scared to death and they kept pushing it on me and showed me the video but I refused. I also met a person who had it and she said it saved her life. She is happily married and employed. To this day I keep thinking I should have had it. I’m not sure I could be worse than I am. God help me.
What happened to you?
I’m so scared now. I am 64. When I first was involuntarily committed for feeling out of control they wanted to do ECT I would not let them. Since then others have tried to convince me. They showed me the video. But I still said no. I continued to go downhill. I wonder if I should have had it. God help us. Neuland seemed to recover completely. Remarried and got his career back and was very lucid on the video.
Any comments on Surgeons Famous TED talk about ECT?
God help us!!
Yes. I think that the system does in some ways turn us into victims. Also. I was never a violent person until after being hospitalized. Your story also scares the shit out of me. Someone who is already overly anxious.
I notice that from 2011 your petition only has 10 signatures and it is closed for further signatures
Yes. I have done that.
All I can say is YES. When I was growing up there was nothing like road rage or suicide bombers etc. I also want to point out that we are a nation that is highly highly reliant on prescription drugs. All these drugs have side effects. We are finding only after the fact that these drugs have many many side effects. Especially psych drugs.