Wednesday, February 1, 2023

Comments by Barbara

Showing 4 of 4 comments.

  • Wow. Really hits home. I was always “the good kid”, high achiever, while my older (only sibling) sister was in trouble from a young age. Drinking, drugs, violence….all funded by my father. Knowingly. Small Town; everyone knew. I was her nemesis because I was “successful”, even though I ended up disabled by Zoloft at 39 and losing everything.

    I tried, for years, to convince my dad to cut off the funds for drugs because she was going to OD and die. Social worker said the same thing, but he wouldnt. He said to me “that (dying) might be the best thing to happen to her”. I couldn’t believe what I heard. Couldn’t speak.

    Years more of her abusing drugs and me, on his dime (actually hundreds of thousands of dollars over 30+ years). His only response “you should hear how she treats ME”. I left the family for a few years, but ended up going back as I was sick and he was in 90s.

    July of 2017, she was dx with cancer and moved from the house he bought for her to his house I was living in with him. She took over, smoked heavily inside. No relative would come near as I tried to help with her care AND as he got very sick. Still, none of several previously close cousins made any contact as I put up with abuse from both. He was diagnosed with cancer in March of 2018. Decided to not treat, which I thought was a wise decision.

    I eventually had to leave the very harmful and unhealthy situation. I never returned. She died in July. He died a few weeks ago. My 2 dogs died in between.

    I blame him. I blame him for not trying to stop the madness to save face. People think he’s a great stand-up guy, father of the century. Nice house, manipulated others with money, though they never recognized it. None will talk to me because I called him out. I’m left completely alone with absolutely no family left and disabled. Even friends don’t believe or understand what was so bad. She was NOT an addict. She ordered drugs online and partied like people who go out and get drunk on weekends. She was mean. He was mean. But, somehow, I ended up being the bad guy for telling the truth. ONE social worker called it a “circle of crazy” between the two of them.

    The grief is indescribable. People seem to think I shouldn’t be grieving because I didn’t like them. But, I’m grieving the loss of all hope of ever having a healthy family AND the loss of cousins who were more like sisters than my own ever was. I have no kids of my own.

    I know I’m right in how I feel. Should I expect others to support or validate me when their experiences are completely different? I don’t know. I was on the inside. But, losing all of that – after losing my health and career – is unbearable.

  • It’s great that you’ve done well, even in a circuitous manner.

    Your advice about having a strong and robust support system cannot be overemphasized. My only RL *support* is an MD (spouse) who doesn’t understand at all and still supports the use of the drugs (utilization review working at home). He got off several drugs with rapid tapers and no lingering issues.

    I had a bad dystonic reaction to Zoloft (given for mild fatigue) in 1993 that wasn’t attributed to the drug back then. I’ve been disabled since 2001 (39).

    I’m now too sick and malnourished to even attempt a taper (per Functional medicine and Integrative docs I trust). My entire being has given up.

    My point: Please keep emphasizing the critical requirement for a very ROBUST and
    large support system who will be able to rotate and be around for years.

    Thanks. I wish you well.