Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Comments by Tweedle Dum

Showing 18 of 27 comments. Show all.

  • Oh, I also spoke with a police officer during my hospital stay because before suicide I was a victim in a domestic violence situation. So that is why they told me to contact Gerstein Centre in future crisis. I took a photo of me after I came home. My left eye was bruised in purple black.

    I went back to school. I still struggled with mental health issues or PTSD for five years. Soon my sister developed schizophrenia. Then I was sexually assaulted because I did not stand up with my back straight when I was saying “NO”. My vulnerability was a screaming “YES” to this perpetrator.

  • I have to add a caution for those who shit-post. I just received a very strongly worded letter from an organization that I shit-posted of its many members to “cease and desist” from shit-posting or they will notify the police and pursue legal actions against me. One of my shit-post to one of its employee was about “cease and desist” from gas lighting me, if my memory is correct. Maybe they tracked my digital trails and using it against me.

    Of all mental health professionals who were judging me, the worst was the young female psychiatry resident on night duty on the day I was admitted to a hospital for a suicide attempt. Basically I felt like, “What do you know about my situation? I did what I did for very good reasons.” This young ambitious future psychiatry fellow wannabe ( you know MD’s aspire to specialists and specialists aspire to fellows etc.) asked me ridiculous questions like “Who is providing for you?” Since I was not working at the time I said “Parents” making me feel vastly inferior to all those upstanding tax paying citizens including her. There was not a lot of age difference between me and her–Bitch fuck off. (I almost said that) I don’t know why she pulled out that question out of her therapeutic ass. Was that supposed to help me? What does it do to a suicidal patient? Or was she trying to add insult to injury? If my situation gets better than I will get my jobs of course. If the society deems me useful, I will be employed. Oh, she also ran some brief questions intended to check whether or not I had a psychosis or intoxicated by a drug. Nurses were quietly judging gathered around their nursing station. I could hear them shishing sound. Next to my bed was some drug intoxicated homeless guy who had liver failure/kidney failure? Serious life threatening situation but nurses were responding to this poor man mechanically. Zero compassion to psychiatric patients. ER is a cruel place.

    A much older psychiatrist the next morning were more diplomatic. He was pretending to be compassionate and did not ask any insulting questions. But I did not trust him because he was supervising the psychiatric resident girl and maybe he was the one who told her to ask an emergency psych-patient to ask “Who is providing for you?” Add to that an interview by a psychiatrist costs $350 which I saw from OHIP billing manual.

    So I know very well how impersonal and cruel the mental health professionals can be. There is an enormous power differential. But I guess I have to feel lucky that they did not diagnose me that night of psychosis or something serious. When my 24 hours of observation was over, I took a bus to home. (It was supposed to be a 72 hours but I convinced the old psychiatry supervising doctor that I am basically a good girl who temporarily lapsed in judgment because of my abusive immigrant family. They gave me a contact information to Gerstein House: a shelter for abused women and encouraged me to seek help when needed. This was ridiculous because we all know that shelter bed is always full or ridden with bed-bugs. But I graciously received the helpful information from the healing hands of a head psychiatrist and got discharged serving less than the required 72 hours.) NOTE: My parents refused to give me a ride to home after I was discharged, which is why I took a bus. Also, my parents did not bring me tooth brush, shampoo, or extra underwear during my hospital stay.

  • I commiserate with those who feel unfairly judged by therapists because I personally had experiences with being judged too early before they even get to know me. I don’t have any hard feelings to them because I believe these people were either at their early career( still developing their therapy skills ) or just struggling with limited resources.

    What I wrote was about a hypothetical ideal situation where a therapy client can shop around a half dozen therapists and test therapeutic alliance with each, which is far from reality. You have to go with whoever your insurance covers or the least costly option. So in reality most people will try making first appointment with someone their insurance covers and walk away feeling like feces was smeared all over. Then you can leave a scathing review of their practice on Yelp which goes like “Beware of blah blah blah”

  • Pedophilia is classified in DSM as Paraphilia. But Pedophilia exists in a spectrum. There are people who are boundary cases but still exhibiting tell-tale signs. I think these people are better off seeking help after admitting their blindspots to reign in their beastly nature. Try hard. If your eye is lusting and tempting you to commit adultery then you should pull out that eye. Try SSRI because it induces asexuality. Do whatever that helps.

    Same for abusive parents. Be honest to yourself and do something to make things better. But I think most of these extremely abusive parents also are deeply paranoid about many things. I have seen people who are impossible to connect – not emotionally but literally. Their understanding of the world is quite bizarre and it is just a miracle how they survived their life until their 50’s and 60’s. They have elaborate reasons why their children deserve abuse and mistreatment. But calling them mentally ill is unfair. People are abusive to other people all the time: slavery, misogyny, genocide. So maybe it is not mental illness but an inclination to cruelty. Maybe it gives them feelings of being in control. Ignorance is bliss. When you deny vulnerability then you are strong.

    But people just do not have awareness. And the last thing they want is someone who will point out their blindspot. Tell them the truth and it is like asking to have a bullseye marked on your left chest.

  • Someone in my building frequently changes their SSID frequently suggestive of my privacy such as “toons”, Spolied Baby Guest Network” “1910 Yonge Street ( which is my SSID but hidden SSID which means they hacked into my wifi) “SpagettieNetwork Guest”, —- and “RisingFromAshes Slowly”_ suggesting of their admissions of using neurotoxins to me.

    I feel my life is threatened, literally. Help People in MIA if you know anything about the influence by Mr. Janus of Royal Conservatory of Music.

    I have been lying on my bed unconscious for two days and felt very dizzy afterwords. I had impaired cognition and movement.

  • Are you the real mom of the guy named Ricky in the video? Did Jody Santos film him without his consent and some of her reports contained untrue things? More details please. You do not have to hold back anything.

    Although it was educational to me to be informed about the abuse of psychiatric drugs in nursing homes, whenever these kinds of investigative pieces surface I( and I believe many others) do hold a grain of salt against the veracity of the report and the privacy and consent of the subject — the late Ricky in this case. I also detest the kind of visuals trotting out severely disabled subject’s misery like a freak show courting others rubber necking attention at what is essentially other people’s tragedy.

  • I find this very imagination of planting electrodes inside a living human brain very offensive. At the same time, I cannot shake off the similarity of the setup between DBS and the Nobel Prize wining research about visual cortex of monkeys by Hubel. I thought Hubel’s method was a high resolution way of understanding the brain functions compared to neurotransmitter POV. Greed was definitely what was driving this kind of medical venture. Maybe some smart people, MD’s and a team of cutting edge neuroscientists were all hopeful to find a breakthrough both in clinical results as well as in higher order neuroscience. How excited they must have been. Psychiatrists and neuroscientist are buddy buddy each other. Another Nobel Prize is just around the corner when the human subjects show positive results.

    Except humans are not monkeys, rats, or lobsters.

  • To oldhead and Richard,

    I think science has two meanings. First, as a method of finding a knowledge and a body knowledge thus acquired. Second, as an institutional practice of grant patronage system as scientists and scientific activities have bills to pay.

    Psychiatry is problematic because its institutional practice is under the influence of capitalism in present times. But science as an institutional practice was always problematic. Ivan Pavlov was supported by Soviet communists because his behaviourism seemed promising for social engineering. Scientific practice is always under the influence of powers that be.

    Having said that, Scientism is most felt as oppressive in conjunction with colonization in non-western cultures when indigenous experts were displaced by white coats with Western scientific credentials. This was not limited to psychiatry. Also, I think you could produce the central question of those who decry scientism as “Is science infallible?” of which answer is “No” because science evolves over time, paradigms change, but when scientism is dominant people are under the impression that whatever scientific practices/products are infallible.

  • I was very impressed by Whitaker’s Anatomy of an Epidemic not only by his bold thesis but by specifically its Chapter 5, which starts with a concise summary of dopamine system and serotonin system (best short summary that I have ever read of these systems) to preface the chemical imbalance theory (or the historical development of) for which he would go on to present its refutations which was the goal of that Chapter.

    To give an example,
    “The serotonergic pathway is one with ancient evolutionary roots. Serotonergic neurons are found in the nervous systems of all vertebrates and most invertebrates, and in humans their cell bodies are located in the brain stem, in an area known as the raphe nuclei.” (p.69) No specific mention of molluscs, lobsters necessary by use of “ancient evolutionary roots”.

  • in self defence, most of the time.

    Based on my limited first hand observations, most people diagnosed as schizophrenia are fiercely independent. Their world views are unashamedly original. I think it is a character trait that I admire the most from them, which is why psychiatry or any kind of confinement to their freedom is so unbearable to them. Psychiatry is the very antithesis of their existence. I think, on the other hand, actually psychiatry is very helpful to people suffering from eating disorders. A little bit of compassion to teen angst and nutritional education will set them on the right track for success. With psychosis, it is like tying up a bird to prevent it from flying for the sake of their own safety. Drugging them is akin to breaking their wings.

    I always appreciate Eric Coates’ writing.

  • I guess everything is in moderation. There was this person who attempted assassinating the former president Ronald Ragan. He also obsessively stalked Jodie Foster thinking that he had something with her. He got caught and found not guilty by criminally insane. He was white by the way. If he was black he would be shot dead at the spot. Brown one will be captured as a terrorist representing the religion of peace.

  • Also ‘draw’ should be in past tense ‘drew’. ‘Form’ –>’from’.

    Although it sounds much like institutional babble I see why some research articles in Clinical Psychology reads like articles in Epidemiology where treatments are dispensed impersonally in units. I am not bothered at all by this lack of human warmth on large scale prognosis study. Although I think one might have a disdain to such an attitude to psychotherapy. Time is a limited resource. Reality itself constrains. Same for DSM. I do not want to mock this style of writing because it is necessary and fully reflects the realities of our lives. The typical patient would be a young mom who is married to a husband who brings only a modest income so she cannot afford a boutique psychotherapist which is why she receives her care from a publicly funded program. She fills out a ridiculously worded likert scale both at the beginning and at the end of her course of treatment. But the #1 matter to her is how much is the therapy. That is 99% of us.

    I recall the Essay by George Orwell the politics of English Language and some might argue the way many scholarly articles are written as evidence of the whole institution of clinical psychology is corrupt and dehumanizing, which is far from the truth. This is reality. The language of human warmth and authenticity that is pretending to be your mother or lover is deceptive and possibly manipulative.

  • The problem with psychiatrists is that they are hack psychologists. Charlatans. They know little bit of psychology such as most intervention programs do not work — Head Start, Offender therapy to reduce recidivism, Cambridge and Sommerville study(from Freakonomics podcast recently but Freakonomics is supported by Goldman Sachs), Pedophilia(no amount of therapy was going to cure Michael Jackson). So they might be convinced that poor genetics and early childhood trauma are negative determinants of long term life outcome in the broad scheme of things. Even some psychologists are strong believers of IQ tests and they explain the reason why Head Start did not work had to do with heritability of intelligence thus whipping a huge political storm and rounding supports from the likes of Goldman Sachs.

    I also noticed this pattern of resistance of human nature to any arbitrary intervention as I studied psychology as an undergraduate. I agree that some social/psychological interventions are ineffective because it goes against the nature but some social/psychological interventions diverge from this pattern because it actually flows with the nature. Maybe it is the nature’s way that extreme states stabilize on its own accord like an open wound heals on its own accord. The earliest example was what I read from Mad in America by Robert Whittaker about “Moral” therapy, where the meaning of moral is used in the similar vein as we refer a branch of philosophy on the topic of psychology “moral’. Moral therapy does not imply virtue signalling. Other examples were where the patients simply did not take antipsychotics which brought the recovery rate somewhere around 50-70+ %. In comparison, it is roughy 30% of depressed patients who show improvements after anti-depressants; similar effectiveness with psychotherapy ( CBT, Interpersonal, psychodynamic ). Maybe because it is nature’s way that more than half of the depressed people are supposed to feel this way in recognition of bad things happening. This also resonates with what Freud said that most hysteria can be reduced to common misery which implies that psychosis can be reduced to common misery.

  • I once gave some stranger a $300 worth of gift. When I give, I give generously beyond my means because I give from the bottom of my heart. Later this person collaborated with some other people who were spreading bad rumors about me.( because I called out a 70 something gentleman poaching a 30 something married woman from a financially struggling husband unethical — because face it the man was using the woman for sex and the woman was using the man for money. Ask anyone with a common sense they will say so. If this rich elderly man was in the mood of generosity he should just give money to this couple which was my view. )

    Now I am called bipolar or psychotic for being kind-hearted and displaying human warmth not materialistic and calculating like “normal” people.