Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Comments by Melissa

Showing 2 of 2 comments.

  • Ah, Matt! So sweet. I’m currently 7 1/2 months into what looks like will be an 8 1/2 month detox from 6mg of Ativan. As were so many, I was given my initial dose of 2mg and told that these were golden pills, in no way addictive and that they’d solve my temporary insomnia. Two years later I was at 6mg, highly addicted and suffering interdose withdrawal. I wish I’d known then, what I know now which is that I will get off and I will feel human again.

    I’m currently down to 5mg of Valium. I’ve promised myself that with each drop I’ll try to be as present each and every moment, as I can. You’re right, despite feeling like I’m in hell with a headlamp, it’s still my life. When the tremors come, the nausea, the nihilism … I try to dive in and give all of it as much presence as possible. I try not to retreat or curl. It makes things more bearable, it makes me able to care for my children and to be very aware when I’m red-lining and need help.

    So, thanks. It’s a horrific and beautiful passage, though none of us would choose it. And you’re right, we choose the way in which we move through. We can buck and thrash, or we can be the animals that we are and relax, go limp if need be. And when we’re really sick, find a bush to lie underneath.

    All best. Can’t wait for the book.

  • Matt –

    Lovely work, as per usual. And spot on. The quantification of self as a myriad of impulses that can be moderated and controlled by psychopharmaceuticals is indeed the hubris of the psychiatric community. I love hearing your voice loud and strong after years of them whispering like Faust into your ear.

    Bravo, dear friend.