Update: Since I wrote my story, I remembered that I was prescribed Ambien for at least one month in fall 2007 to help me sleep with the pain from the RA. I discontinued the Ambien while still on Prednisone, which is likely the reason I began having the panic attacks that led to the Ativan prescription. I have also since researched corticosteroids such as Prednisone and Decadron and learned that they can result in adverse reactions such hypertensive crises, sympathetic activation, HPA axis dysfunction, cognitive dysfunction, agitation and “steroid psychosis” – in other words, many symptoms that can be misdiagnosed as psychiatric in nature. Be aware and exercise care with all medications. Know the adverse reactions and what might be misinterpreted by physicians as panic attacks or other mental distress.
Sandy, it’s legally sanctioned torture, chemical lobotomy and neurological maiming! Legally sanctioned disregard for basic human rights. I will look for your story on this website soon. Has the longer version been published? I have wondered about our PTSA (I generally say “post-traumatic stress ADAPTATION” because I believe the condition is a normal outcome from trauma – not a DISORDER) and the traumatic memories stored in the body. This PTSA from the physical and mental symptoms of benzo withdrawal that have gone on for years, seems so compounded when we relive it in the telling of our stories. Many people with PTSA “relive” their trauma experience as part of their condition and have hyperarousal symptoms, but our PTSA was CAUSED in great part by the hyperarousal and neurological symptoms themselves, so it seems there needs to be more nuanced recovery from it (how, I don’t yet know). Anyway, I also hope to write my own memoir about this someday, but first I’ve got to get through the MSW program — extremely difficult with the ongoing disabilities. Actually, right now for one of my classes I’m working on a policy analysis regarding the problem of unwarranted use of psychotropic drugs in foster care children, so I really feel your last remarks. You can certainly email me.
Sandra, I really related to your comments. Iâm very sorry for what youâve been through. The âpure psychotic mental torture of benzosâ is something that people cannot even begin to imagine unless theyâve experienced it. I think thatâs likely especially true for cold-turkey withdrawals and extremely rapid tapers like ours. During the worst of it, I used to wake from nightmares that I had gone insane and could never get back to normal, and experienced that âabject terrorâ afterwards â unreal, like my brain and the world as I knew it had been hijacked. You feel so isolated in the terror, and you really are because no one can penetrate it and be there with you. You said it so well that it takes âyour mind places you never even knew existed.â I have said so many times that I had symptoms I never even knew were humanly possible to experience. I didnât even know how to describe them. People understand pain and they understand nausea, but when you tell them you feel like your body fluids have been replaced battery acid and youâre being simultaneously poisoned and electrocuted â and that description doesnât even really begin to describe the bizarre sensations that go so far beyond any frame of reference weâve had up until that point in our lives – they canât begin to relate to it even if theyâre willing to believe it. No, weâll never be the same. We have to make do with our new normal and weâre in a bizarre little club we would never have chosen to be in, but here we are. Hereâs to surviving.
I’m sorry you are experiencing akathisia. I agree that it’s horrific – completely overwhelming and it’s not like you can run away from yourself to escape it. I do take a magnesium supplement plus a B complex every day. It took quite a while before B vitamins stopped being too stimulating for me, but I can take them now. I hope they have been able to help you also.
I’m glad you had a psychiatrist and psychologist that helped you. I’ve seen a very good psychologist that specializes in mind-body interventions and was the first professional to ever provide me with trauma-informed care. Unfortunately finding this type of professional took almost 20 years and happened only AFTER I had severe iatrogenic damage so he was helping me with PTSD caused by iatrogenic trauma as well as prior traumas. I didn’t know I needed trauma-informed care until I got it, so I hadn’t been looking for it – but it was exactly what I needed. I also didn’t know how much I was being harmed in the mental health system before that until extremely severe, indefinite damage had been done. I think this lack of knowledge is where most patients/clients are coming from and my experience is that those integrative professionals are few and far between in the healthcare system these days. I want to be part of changing this.
Thank you, Judi. I am interested in Dr. Kelly Brogan’s work (had heard her name somewhere and will now follow up thanks to your reminder!). Functional medicine seems to be a promising direction and I hope it proves beneficial over the long run for avoiding misdiagnoses, as well as getting to the root causes of various ailments and treating them. I’ve looked into this quite a bit since becoming ill and it was actually the prominent benzo survivor/educator/advocate Geraldine Burns who first pointed me in that direction as functional medicine had helped her. I think it’s vital to look at health holistically, with mind-body integration.
There seems to be so many layers to the problems. Doctors have generally only been taught the biomedical model and not trauma-informed care, the system does not allow them to spend enough time with their patients to take a holistic view even if they wanted to and knew how to do so, and then for many there is unconscionable arrogance and willful ignorance. Reform needs to hit the problem from many directions.
Iâm sorry for what happened to you. Thank you for your comment, for sharing the success of your child, and for the link to the other blog post (which I read and appreciated very much). I think of all the unwitting parents who just donât realize the potential for harm to their children when they take them into the mental health system, trying to help them with the repercussions of trauma or even temporary adjustment difficulties that are pathologized and diagnosed as a âmental illnessâ and then medicated with substances that compromise their developing neurological systems. So much education and reform is needed.
Update: Since I wrote my story, I remembered that I was prescribed Ambien for at least one month in fall 2007 to help me sleep with the pain from the RA. I discontinued the Ambien while still on Prednisone, which is likely the reason I began having the panic attacks that led to the Ativan prescription. I have also since researched corticosteroids such as Prednisone and Decadron and learned that they can result in adverse reactions such hypertensive crises, sympathetic activation, HPA axis dysfunction, cognitive dysfunction, agitation and “steroid psychosis” – in other words, many symptoms that can be misdiagnosed as psychiatric in nature. Be aware and exercise care with all medications. Know the adverse reactions and what might be misinterpreted by physicians as panic attacks or other mental distress.
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Sandy, I just created an email: [email protected]. You can message me there.
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Sandy, it’s legally sanctioned torture, chemical lobotomy and neurological maiming! Legally sanctioned disregard for basic human rights. I will look for your story on this website soon. Has the longer version been published? I have wondered about our PTSA (I generally say “post-traumatic stress ADAPTATION” because I believe the condition is a normal outcome from trauma – not a DISORDER) and the traumatic memories stored in the body. This PTSA from the physical and mental symptoms of benzo withdrawal that have gone on for years, seems so compounded when we relive it in the telling of our stories. Many people with PTSA “relive” their trauma experience as part of their condition and have hyperarousal symptoms, but our PTSA was CAUSED in great part by the hyperarousal and neurological symptoms themselves, so it seems there needs to be more nuanced recovery from it (how, I don’t yet know). Anyway, I also hope to write my own memoir about this someday, but first I’ve got to get through the MSW program — extremely difficult with the ongoing disabilities. Actually, right now for one of my classes I’m working on a policy analysis regarding the problem of unwarranted use of psychotropic drugs in foster care children, so I really feel your last remarks. You can certainly email me.
Report comment
Sandra, I really related to your comments. Iâm very sorry for what youâve been through. The âpure psychotic mental torture of benzosâ is something that people cannot even begin to imagine unless theyâve experienced it. I think thatâs likely especially true for cold-turkey withdrawals and extremely rapid tapers like ours. During the worst of it, I used to wake from nightmares that I had gone insane and could never get back to normal, and experienced that âabject terrorâ afterwards â unreal, like my brain and the world as I knew it had been hijacked. You feel so isolated in the terror, and you really are because no one can penetrate it and be there with you. You said it so well that it takes âyour mind places you never even knew existed.â I have said so many times that I had symptoms I never even knew were humanly possible to experience. I didnât even know how to describe them. People understand pain and they understand nausea, but when you tell them you feel like your body fluids have been replaced battery acid and youâre being simultaneously poisoned and electrocuted â and that description doesnât even really begin to describe the bizarre sensations that go so far beyond any frame of reference weâve had up until that point in our lives – they canât begin to relate to it even if theyâre willing to believe it. No, weâll never be the same. We have to make do with our new normal and weâre in a bizarre little club we would never have chosen to be in, but here we are. Hereâs to surviving.
Report comment
I’m sorry you are experiencing akathisia. I agree that it’s horrific – completely overwhelming and it’s not like you can run away from yourself to escape it. I do take a magnesium supplement plus a B complex every day. It took quite a while before B vitamins stopped being too stimulating for me, but I can take them now. I hope they have been able to help you also.
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Since the body is an integrated system, you can’t add a foreign substance without the body trying to compensate for it.
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I’m glad you had a psychiatrist and psychologist that helped you. I’ve seen a very good psychologist that specializes in mind-body interventions and was the first professional to ever provide me with trauma-informed care. Unfortunately finding this type of professional took almost 20 years and happened only AFTER I had severe iatrogenic damage so he was helping me with PTSD caused by iatrogenic trauma as well as prior traumas. I didn’t know I needed trauma-informed care until I got it, so I hadn’t been looking for it – but it was exactly what I needed. I also didn’t know how much I was being harmed in the mental health system before that until extremely severe, indefinite damage had been done. I think this lack of knowledge is where most patients/clients are coming from and my experience is that those integrative professionals are few and far between in the healthcare system these days. I want to be part of changing this.
Report comment
Thank you, Judi. I am interested in Dr. Kelly Brogan’s work (had heard her name somewhere and will now follow up thanks to your reminder!). Functional medicine seems to be a promising direction and I hope it proves beneficial over the long run for avoiding misdiagnoses, as well as getting to the root causes of various ailments and treating them. I’ve looked into this quite a bit since becoming ill and it was actually the prominent benzo survivor/educator/advocate Geraldine Burns who first pointed me in that direction as functional medicine had helped her. I think it’s vital to look at health holistically, with mind-body integration.
Report comment
There seems to be so many layers to the problems. Doctors have generally only been taught the biomedical model and not trauma-informed care, the system does not allow them to spend enough time with their patients to take a holistic view even if they wanted to and knew how to do so, and then for many there is unconscionable arrogance and willful ignorance. Reform needs to hit the problem from many directions.
Report comment
Iâm sorry for what happened to you. Thank you for your comment, for sharing the success of your child, and for the link to the other blog post (which I read and appreciated very much). I think of all the unwitting parents who just donât realize the potential for harm to their children when they take them into the mental health system, trying to help them with the repercussions of trauma or even temporary adjustment difficulties that are pathologized and diagnosed as a âmental illnessâ and then medicated with substances that compromise their developing neurological systems. So much education and reform is needed.
Report comment