Good morning… In reading your post, I was interested in what you said about not filling the prescription, but that one night you “had to go the the ER for a shot” and that things got better after that. So, whatever that “shot” was, did it control ongoing issues to a point that you did not need any anti-psychotic drugs during the time that you went back to school forward until today? My son is on anti-psychotic meds as well as MANY pain meds for pain that he has been in for 13 years from an accident that ruined his back. Since he has an “entity” in his psyche that instructs him to do destructive things,which he spends every waking moment ignoring and battling, it’s hard to know if he would succeed in his continued “winning” if he were off psychotic medication. Since the directive from this “entity” is to kill himself OR someone else, he is scared sometimes that he will succumb to “it’s” directive. My thought is that taking care of the 13 year old pain (if possible) would make the psychosis manageable, but at this time, with no insurance, we cannot get him into a spine clinic to address the failed artificial disc and attending pain and nerve pain down his legs. Though the pain is 24/7, the pain med combination he is on now, is better than it has been in this 13 year battle of chronic pain. The psychosis increases and he is very depressed though. The anxiety level is debilitating (I see him sitting with his legs up in a recliner with both feet moving back and forth violently)until the anxiety medication kicks in) and recently having moved back home with me (at 34 years old), the relationship is VERY strained. Where he and I were best of friends when he moved away to get married, he came home a distant, ungrateful stranger who acts more like I hear OTHER people speak of belligerent teenagers. There is NO verbal interaction that doesn’t end in discord, though I will admit that SOME of this comes from me! I have been choreographing his life (medical, legal, cleaning up after him, etc.) as a full time job for the last 4 months with nothing but a bad attitude as repayment. I read about the flat affect (no facial expression) and wonder if that is the schizophrenia OR the medication. I’ve tried to tell him that I can’t read him because of this and since he is NOT very verbal, I hardly ever know if he is in agreement or not with what I’m saying to him. Maybe you are not even speaking of schizophrenia, but depression or another disorder, but if it is schizophrenia, I just had to wonder how you managed to succeed THROUGH the symptoms. Maybe some are blessed to NOT have a destructive “voice” trying to control them. I’m always baffled as to why mental illness IS so destructive…only meaning that IF someone has to hear voices, why are they NEVER voices that tell the patient to do positive things, like help someone else or be happy. Is it possible that there are “schizophrenic” people who DO have these positive directives (exclusively) and because they are not destructive, no one ever knows and therefore is not even noticed as affected with mental illness? My son, who USED to smile at everyone he saw on the street and was loved by everyone he met, NOW walks past everyone, including me, who LIVES for him, without a glance or a care if they bled to death in front of him. In public, he is not drawn to anyone or anything in a positive manner. The only thing he notices is if there is a disturbance, like a child crying, and THEN expresses irritation to the point of the ridiculous. If my post is not associated to your illness, sorry…just disregard it. Thanks and Merry Christmas to everyone here!