Monday, May 10, 2021

Comments by AnnaMagdalena

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  • I don’t know where to ask this question, so I am asking it here. The question: Do psychiatric drugs blunt one’s emotions to the point where the person experiences an inability to grieve?

    Here is why I ask: I was on a plethora of psych drugs for 30 years. I refer to those years (when I was effectively disabled) as the years I was “numbed and dumbed.” You may know what I am talking about… During that time I struggled to feel.

    Then my Father died. I felt no emotion and never grieved for him. Nine months later my Mother died. I had a hard time dealing with her loss. Five years later I discontinued all psych meds. My daughter warned me to be prepared for an onslaught of emotions.

    O, boy!! I had no idea!!! So many emotions and so intense!!! Having felt little with any intensity for decades, this was hard to deal with. I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions. The worst for everyone around me was my intense irritability and anger.

    Six months after quitting the psych meds, I was forced out of my job. A month later my husband was diagnosed with leukemia. A week later Paradise (California) burned. I am overcome.

    Paradise was my parents’ town. Their home was incinerated. The town is destroyed. I am taking it very, very hard. This was the only place I felt comfortable. Memories of my parents and my siblings are all couched in Paradise. I am overcome with grief, not just grief for my town, but for my parents, the lost times with my siblings, the years I lost to drug-induced disability. (I have autism. I did not have a mental illness, but because of the distress I experienced from being different, I was medicated and provided with a psychiatric diagnosis.)

    So I am grieving and I wonder if I can bear it. And I cannot help but think that being drugged for decades prevented me from being able to effectively grieve. Is this something to which others can relate?