Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Comments by Nicoletta

Showing 6 of 6 comments.

  • I highly recommend this book by Johann Hari, Lost Connections.


    Almost everybody who is grieving, it turns out, matches the clinical criteria for depression. If you simply use the checklist, virtually anyone who has lost someone should be diagnosed as having a clear mental illness.

    This made many doctors and psychiatrists feel uncomfortable. So the authors of the DSM invented a loophole, which became known as “the grief exception.”

    They said that you are allowed to show the symptoms of depression and not be considered mentally ill in one circumstance and one circumstance only—if you have recently suffered the loss of somebody close to you. After you lose (say) a baby, or a sister, or a mother, you can show these symptoms for a year before you are classed as mentally ill. But if you continued to be profoundly distressed after this deadline, you will still be classified as having a mental disorder. As the years passed and different versions of the DSM were published, the time limit changed: it was slashed to three months, one month, and eventually just two weeks.

    — Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

    ~ by Johann Hari

    Next, I highly recommend you look into IFS… Internal Family Systems… developed by Dr Richard Schwartz.

    Here is an overview… even though it speaks to Borderline specifically, the same principles apply for “depression”… which I personally always “translate” now to GRIEF…

    Depathologizing The Borderline Client
    By Dr. Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems (IFS)

  • From a blog I like to follow…

    Broken Kids…

    ~ Michael Mendizza

    The violence we see all around us, personal and global, is a failure of development. Period. The seed is not the cause, or to be blamed for being planted in poor soil, not being watered, isolated, shoved in a dark closet, screamed at, compared, humiliated, ignored, beaten, or illuminated by a screen instead of nature’s sunlight. Then, when these stunted plants grow sharp tangled thorns, we blame them for moral failure, punish them, chastise, incarcerate, and kill them, self-righteously.

    To blame guns, TV, video games, Twinkies, the bully next door, bad genes, and all the rest, for the pervasive violence, self-mutilation, self-medication, suicide, and similar unbelievable acts on others, is simply a misguided defense, empowering our justifications to continue to fail at our most basic challenge and responsibility; modeling what it means to be a whole, connected, available, awake, sensitive, empathically-entangled human beings. After all, that is what every child needs and is desperately screaming about, real and inspiring models.

    We are responsible for the society we co-create by our willing acceptance and participation, not guns or any other tool. We are responsible for the behaviors we model and allow at home. We are responsible for everything that happens at school, the form, structure, comparisons, curriculum, rewards, and punishments. We are responsible for everything our children experience with screen technologies. All the barbed wire around our schools, police, and metal detectors, won’t fix a thing. Rather, more of the same will only intensify the loneliness, hopelessness, despair, and inner rage our broken children feel.

  • Speaking of the “almighty dollar”..


    “We are faced with a breakdown of general social order and human values that threatens stability [and survival] throughout the world. Existing knowledge cannot meet this challenge. Something much deeper is needed, a completely new approach. I am suggesting that the very means by which we try to solve our problems is the problem. The source of our problems is within the structure of thought itself.”
    ~ David Bohm (1981)

    NOTHING will change fundamentally, until we fundamentally change the way we perceive and treat children. Until then, we will continue to see childhood adversity re-enacted upon EVERY aspect of society.

    Furthermore, childhood adversity more often than not consists of imposing utterly INSANE societal standards of “normalcy” on children, to which they MUST conform, in order to survive, at a time when they are too young to understand and reject the madness being imposed on them.

    The “masses” are essentially clueless and unaware of their own conditioning…

    “The total neglect or trivialization of the childhood factor operative in the context of violence and the way it evolves in early infancy sometimes leads to explanations that are not only unconvincing and abortive but actively deflect attention away from the genuine roots of violence.”
    ~ Alice Miller

    Full article


    “What kind of a society is it, that does NOT place the Children’s Fire at the very centre of its institutions of power?
    It’s an INSANE society!”
    ~ Tim “Mac” Macartney

    Please Watch this Video presentation:




  • I have tried to get help in the form of time off work to help me manage my suicidal ideation recently, especially since it was triggered directly by work related policies and protocols. I can NOT deal with the endless bureaucratic BS just to get the time and space I need to heal my mind/body/soul. Literally, EVERYTHING management has done …. in the name of “health and wellness”, has HARMED me further and caused a cascade of re-traumatization to my internal system.

    It’s a complete and utter nightmare.
    As Krishnamurti said:
    “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

  • I tried to send an e-mail to [email protected], but got an error message saying “The email account that you tried to reach does not exist.”
    This was my message…

    Dear Yael,
    Thank you so much for writing this piece. You have described very well what happens in my own suicidal mind… on and off ever since I was about 8 years old, when the pain of being torn apart between mother and grandmother became unbearable.

    I have an 85 yo best friend who REALLY GETS ME. He has been a lifeline for almost 30 years… and we talk about death and dying regularly, since he feels his own death approaching. Both HIS parents ended their own lives.

    I also knew someone who ended her life within two weeks of starting on Prozac. I am terrified of taking any psych meds.

    I am in chronic suicidality since over 6 months ago, when my employer threatened “disciplinary action up to and including termination” for non-compliance with their covid experimental injections mandate policy. I can NOT comply with medical tyranny. I would much rather be dead.

    Especially after my own grandmother survived both world wars in Germany, including having to flee her home from the Russian Red Army while pregnant with my mother… She did not go through all that for me to end up submitting to this tyranny.

    Anyway, I don’t want to “dump” my whole life story on you… although a part of me most definitely does want to do exactly that….
    Thank you again.  

    ~ S. Nicoletta Rogers 
    “It is no measure of health to be well
     adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
    ~ Krishnamurti 

  • “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”

    ~ Johann Hari, Lost Connections

    Frank Anderson, MD; Transcending Trauma

    – Shame develops when vulnerability is relationally violated. In other words, shame is the anti-Self or the opposite of love and connection.

    – “Gabor Maté talks about two basic needs that all human beings have: (1) the need for attachment, and (2) the need for authenticity (knowing what we feel and being able to express who we are; Maté 2011). He further describes what happens when the two are not aligned. When children receive information about themselves that doesn’t align with their authentic Self, they have to choose between the two; they will often choose attachment over authenticity for the sake of survival (Maté 2011). They disconnect or suppress their true Self to survive. Maté believes that repeated misalignment or disconnection can later manifest itself in mental health problems we face as a society, such as addictions and physical illnesses. This is a bold statement to make—that addiction and physical illness are rooted in relational trauma—yet one I totally agree with.”

    – “I also like to think about the difference between addiction and dependence as they relate to parts, habits, and biology. Addiction is defined as compulsive substance use despite potentially harmful consequences and is often accompanied by an inability to stop using it. Dependence, on the other hand, occurs when the body adapts to a substance, requiring more of it to achieve the desired affect (i.e., tolerance) and eliciting specific physical or mental symptoms if the drug is abruptly stopped (i.e., withdrawal; National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2020). I believe protective parts and habits are more often associated with addiction, whereas biology is connected to dependence. In most cases, we focus on healing the wound first and secondarily look at changing the habit and addressing biological withdrawal. When I first started working with addictions using IFS, I assumed that healing the wound would spontaneously take care of the habit, as well as the biology. But unfortunately, this was not necessarily the case. Sometimes habits turn out to be protective parts that haven’t let go of their job because they weren’t informed about an unburdening that took place. Habits can also be entrenched, taking a long time to change, and they may or may not be associated with a protective part.”