Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Comments by ComandeeredPaddle

Showing 1 of 1 comments.

  • I’d argue that we’re psychotic by nature. What is truth, but belief? It can be affected socially, sure, but realiity is not dependent on council. It can also be experienced independently. That’s the nature of the beast. We’re all lost in this paradoxical echo chamber of infinite realities, where everything is and isn’t a choice at the same time, and there’s nothing that these control craving animals can do to change the binary nature of the reality they simultaneously and independently create at the same time.. Or is there?

    I feel like we as humans naturally gravitate toward what we need.. Missing certain minerals? Experience geophagia.. No motivation? Experience addiction to a dopaminergic agonist. Like coffee, or crack cocaine! Experiencing a macro-level psychotic fracture of God’s mind at the micro level? Experience the creation of the internet, and unending curiosity as an individual in a dimensional fold, amongst endless slight variants of yourself, all living the same, but different lives!

    Until there is a fusion, a coming together of these realities, where we’re all subject to each others experience, I think this “fractured experience” will continue.. I feel that on a soul level…

    Before I was born, an entire 4 weeks had passed since this bun was done, and for some reason, I wouldn’t come out.. Doctors could NOT find a reason for my mom not being able to go in to labor, and try as they did, it could not be induced.. Ultrasounds were showing that I had seemingly pushed myself, with my feet, further upward, as if naturally trying to AVOID being born.. I did this so much in fact, that I had moved my moms organs, and created a pocket in her womb..

    Enter emergency c-section. They had to completely remove my mothers intestines to get me out, and put them back in.. I was dead upon arrival, and completely purple from a lack of oxygen. I was put in an oxygen tent, resuscitation was attempted, and after 11 minutes passed, they gave up.. During paperwork about my death however, my heart started beating, and cries alerted the doctors to my return.. An estimated 13 minutes had passed between dearth on arrival, and return of life.

    The whole ordeal, to me, makes it sound like what I know inside, I knew before being born.. Like I was trying to abort, like I instinctively knew I didn’t want to do this.. But here I am.. By some divine force of hand it seems. Maybe it’s because I know I have some kind of job to do here.. Like the rest of you, I must achieve this goal.. This coming together.. This “return to source.”

    It’s so painful though… The damage I sustained from the birth complications left me with dopaminergic complications, and other issues.. As far as I/we know.. Autism, OCD, Gilles de la Tourettes, ADHD, oppositionally defiant by nature.. Very impulsive, with RLS, and a natural phobia of being restrained or bound, or locked inside a small space, like a closet, or jail cell.. Being buried alive or strapped to a table, most of all (which sucks, because with my issues, and how the system works, being strapped to a table is pretty common. Especially during a crisis, when I am most likely to experience RLS.)

    Remember when I was talking about humans gravitating toward what they need, naturally? As if subconsciously? (Most definitely subconscious.) Well, this happened to me. It was especially apparent when viewed through the lens of the collective understanding of ADHD. I’d seek contexts and experiences that brought on dopaminergic activity.. After my first sip of coffee, I winced at the taste.. But after about 35 seconds or so, I felt that dopaminergic activity start up, and instinctively started chugging that hot, nasty coffee.. It advanced to opioid addiction, and then dependendence later on in life, I feel mostly because treatment with Ritilin was revoked earlier in my life around the age of 12 during the D.A.R.E. campaign, under the pretext tha ADHD usually goes away with adulthood.

    I feel this was an excuse for the doctor to avoid any accusations during that particular flare-up of the “war on drugs” in this war-for-profit era.. This time it was capitalizing on doctors relationships with big pharma.. (ADHD meds are cocaine for kids, they’re over-prescribing because of gift packages to doctors from big pharma for writing scripts etc.)

    All of that of course, lead to my treatment with antispychotics, and of course, due to my disruption of class, due to being taken off of my ADHD meds (which also substantially helped my Tourettes,) which exacerbated my neurological conditions, caused permanent damage, and resulted in tardive akathisia, which THEN almost resulted in suicide after a couple years of it with no explanation from doctors as to why it was happening..

    Thankfully, some impacted wisdom teeth saved my life, and lead to an operation where I was granted a week long prescription for hydrocodone. Naturally, after taking hydrocodone and feeling almost every single hellish or annoying symptom fade away, it was like a sudden serenity…

    Like experiencing silence for the first time in a sea of chaos and noise.. Of course, the doctors didn’t care, refused to write a script after seeing the results, and then went through a laundry list of beta blockers, and any mention of suicide lead to being strapped to a table in a psych ward!

    I was labeled an addict, a dreg of society, a useless eater.. I was nothing but a problem for everyone around me, even when I found a way to silence myself.. The resort to my condition was not “socially acceptable,” and frowned upon, because of the masochistic, christian lens that we refuse to remove from the collective stack, in a medical sense…

    Thankfully, that’s being undone, because we’ve come a bit further on that “return to source.” Some empathy is happening in the medical world.. Anything that doesn’t generate profit is fought heavily, as we’re seeing with the demonization of doctors who spoke up during covid, and strayed from the mainstream narrative, thankfully though, for people in my situation, and many homeless people who’re addicted to illicit street substances, “recovery programs” are embracing replacement therapies, which is the best bandaid I can think of, short of correcting the issue entirely.. Currently I go to a clinic once a week, for week long supplies of methadone (as we’re going through an “opioid epidemic” and it’s the only way to get a prescribed opioid without a bunch of BS, though guidelines are being worked on,) and every month, at the same clinic, I see a psychiatric neurologist who prescribes me adderall, and this is the most stable I’ve ever been. My case is a little different.. Someone experiencing a shortage of dopaminergic activity resulting from a bad societal model and lack of ability or resources to find your niche, treated with a dopaminergic agonist that can lead to physiological dependence, when no geographic or contextual cure is available in the future, is going to help in the long term.. But if you have brain damage, medicating, much like prosthesis to limb loss, is going to be your best answer.. At least until we figure out how to induce growth and reparation of target cells.. And likely, that option will only be available to the priveleged.

    However, it proves the point of this article, and also the article on this site (can’t remember the name) written by a doctor who spoke of his troubles after quitting an SSRI, only to find the complete rejection of the iatrogenic perspective, because the psychiatric mainstream model promotes ignoring the root cause, and prescribing what’s missing because of it, (or finding a workaround to stimulating the neurological transmitters that aren’t firing where they’re wanted.) He equated this with a person experiencning stress hormones from being frightened by a lion, and a doctor diagnosing the issue of stress being experienced to the stress hormones, and not the lion.. Because fixing society is difficult, and requires that we all make a change, instead, we seek to profit on finding a way to rig the machine, so to speak.. Something we’re too damned good at, being tool users.

    Just like the reality of things, I could go on forever, but I will end with this.. The issue is complex, but the nature of things dictates CHANGE. Embrace that, as comforting and scary as it may be, and if you need to, comandeer a paddle.. Everyone has a right to some control over the direction in which they’re going…

    That’s a euphemism for self-medicating..