Monday, August 15, 2022

Comments by Uncommontype

Showing 2 of 2 comments.

  • Russell, I would not mind at all to have my story shared.

    I’m sorry I misunderstood about your older daughter. I hope some of my journey can help her in some way.

    Thank you for your kind words. If you have any questions about anything or need more information, please let me know. I will check back in case you do.

  • I have cried reading this. My heart is hurting for Catherine.

    Honestly, I’ve been on I think every medication listed in your article and then some. I am not on any medication now except a birth control (Yas) and a thyroid medication as well as supplements I have chosen to take. But over the expanse of 14 years (from the age of 20 to 34) I went down a very traumatic rabbit hole in the psychiatric world. In and out of hospitals, diagnosed as bipolar (I’m not, it’s actually called PMDD what I’ve got) and not one person ever stopped to question if perhaps the medications (7 to 10, at one time 12) were causing me harm, not helping. They would max out the dosage and sometimes prescribe higher dosage than recommended.

    I gained so much weight, I felt inhuman, I felt angry, I felt depressed. My teeth began to have problems due to severe dry mouth. I had to have transfusions because I would drink too much water just trying to get that dryness out of my mouth.

    I had seizures as the result of withdrawal due to just not being able to afford some medications some months. I was put in disability in 2011, receiving Medicare but with such little income, no energy or ability to have a job to supplement that income in any way and medications costing so much, even with insurance, especially because some medications just were not covered… we just couldn’t afford to have food, pay to live and afford all of these medications and doctors visits.

    I developed severe migraines in the end from medications as well. Now that I’m off? I get menstrual cycle related headaches, stress headaches, headaches from being tired… but nothing so debilitating that I can’t stand a light or sound or touch of any kind. Nothing that doesn’t respond to an advil if a bite of as pure as I can find dark chocolate doesn’t work.

    I was re-evaluated by my request because I was suffering terrible memory problems. By the time I met with the neuropsychologist, I was going through withdrawal from some of the medications due to the psychiatrist I’d been seeing for 12 years finally saying he couldn’t help any longer. Great thing but he referred me to someone who couldn’t be found by me nor the neuropsychologist I saw so I wasn’t able to fill my medications. Going cold turkey off of these pills is so dangerous but I did it. After the testing was done and evaluated for two weeks, she told me I was not bipolar. That I had some depression, anxiety and sleep issues… but no bipolar.

    I went through withdrawal over several months. It was terrifying but much less terrifying compared to how numb, empty and blank I’d felt over the years due to anti psychotics, mood stabilizers, benzodiazepenes, adhd medications, antidepressants… I was 34 but I didn’t even know who I was inside. I didn’t have any hopes or dreams. If I got up, took a shower and put on a new change of clothes – that to me was a highly successful day.

    I connected the dots in the past year of what happened to me. I was having terrible grief and trauma resulting from losing a parent very suddenly at the age of 16 in the midst of moving from a foreign country back to America. I was barely sleeping as well. The Healthcare professional who diagnosed me never considered this. I’ve learned that grief like that and not sleeping can mirror bipolar disorder. I have also come to learn there have been many uterus carrying/menstruating people who have been diagnosed as bipolar when they’re actually dealing with something called PMDD, like me.

    I didn’t start to get better until at the age of 30 starting a hormonal birth control and didn’t stabilize until getting off of those medications. I developed a thyroid problem as the result of lithium (a medication that should be monitored with blood work and for me, never actually was) and after trying to let my thyroid balance naturally, I decided to start the thyroid medication because it just wasn’t balancing out.

    The psych units I’d been to had declined drastically over the years, one of them even closed now due to a suicide on unit. It was all extremely dehumanizing experiences. Some of the workers were very friendly and kind while others didn’t care about you. The shame I carried from being labeled as “bipolar” or “mentally ill” cannot even be described.

    I worked through my traumas. I finally have mental clarity. I work every day. I clean. I take care of myself. I lost a lot of weight, I’m very active. I’m happy. My menstrual cycle flips things upside down a bit every month but nowhere near the way it did in the past. I am working on relieving myself of my anger from feeling the “mental health system” drastically failed me. I’m struggling to even trust telling any medical professionals the truth about a lot of things if they’re new to my care. I fear they will take me backwards. Then there’s the money and debt my living parent and I are in due to the extreme costs of my “care” if you can even call it care.

    It’s hard, so hard to forgive the system or even explain what this was like for me, what the “medications” did to my body and mind.

    I’m truly so deeply sorry to hear about your daughter’s, both of them. That has to be so hard and my heart aches. To me, the medical professionals, no matter their field, took an oath not to cause harm yet they do. And we, as the victims of that, are powerless to do anything if we’ve recovered or, in your case, lost someone due to this “unintentional” harm.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m just so sorry both of your daughters have died. I know how lucky my circumstances are. My heart goes out to you.