Saturday, December 3, 2022

Comments by Leonidas Papadopoulos

Showing 3 of 3 comments.

  • “We have to somehow put our lives back together after having our nervous system decimated by these drugs while grieving for the loss of what our lives could have been.”

    That is wonderfully said!

    I developed severe OCD five years ago following a very traumatic break-up. What I didn’t realise back then was that my OCD was probably a trauma response and needed specific psychotherapy in order to address it. Instead, I went down the psychiatry road because they promised relief from my symptoms. And they were doctors, weren’t they? And who else can you turn to when you’re suffering? In hindsight, I really wish I knew better.

    A year and a half later and my OCD was still not healed. I was told that I had a chemical imbalance to my brain and that the doctors were trying to find the best cocktail mix in order to “cure” me. Later on, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, for what reason I still don’t know. I took antidepressants, anti-psychotics and mood stabilisers. My doctor terrified me by saying that I should take them for life or else I risked serious injury in my brain from continuing depressive-manic episodes. Because according to the psychiatrists I have talked to, every depressive-manic episode in bipolar disorder destroys more and more parts of the brain. When I tried to tell him that I never had any manic or hypomanic episodes in my life he wouldn’t take it – he was so full of himself and wouldn’t hear a thing.

    But the damage had already been done. I ruined my body, my metabolism (I gained 30 kgs. in the process), my libido, my sexuality, my feelings, my self-esteem. I stopped feeling anything. I became apathetic and lethargic. And because of this I developed serious suicidal feelings. I just didn’t want to live like that any more: being drugged all the time and feeling chemically castrated.

    Finding forums like yours here is so liberating. I can finally put to words my own experiences with psychiatry. I can’t believe that I was so naïve and believe that I could be cured by taking these poisons. I carry a lot of grief inside me for the 5 years that I lost from my life. Five years that I will never get back. But the worst thing I believe, is the psychological damage being done by psychiatrists, who try to convince you that your brain is broken and that you are broken for life and all you can do is take your meds and be content with that. I feel severely traumatized by all this.

    For a few weeks now I have started tapering off the medicines on my own. My doctor refused to help me on this. He said he didn’t want to have anything to do with tapering off, because in his own words it would be like putting a gun on my head and he couldn’t live with that! It is very convenient of him to say so, yet he never bothered to explain to me in detail the drugs’ side effects even when I asked and he never took the time to explain the withdrawal process from these drugs. I only remember him saying that he really liked the fact that I was emotionally flat and numb, because this way I avoided the risk of experiencing the highs and lows of bipolar disorder!

    There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think what might have been had I gone for a drug-free psychotherapy instead, in order to treat my OCD and my (i believe non-bipolar) depression.