Huge respect for your process and sharing — I personally see value in your initial comment and later reflections and will keep a copy for myself at least, as I say, it’s a perspective that is welcome and I totally get the initial rejection/fear. Often the intensity of inner experience with mental illness has to be protected, even fought for. Your humility and openness with your process is inspiring, thanks for that.
I experimented with drugs in my late teens/early 20s. Not DMT or psychedelics like acid/mushrooms etc. but MDMA, cannabis, ketamine. My initial psychotic experience was potentially drug-induced, but that seemed to amplify issues that were already there, as I was already experiencing chronic depression and panic disorder… so it was more like opening pandora’s box! I also started meditation around that time, so it all blends together, and the psychotic experience persisted even while completely sober (I don’t take drugs and haven’t drunk alcohol for over five years).
I’m very happy to hear this, Holly! The shift is happening, and I’m intrigued and excited to see how the approach to such challenging situations will evolve over the coming years. I will check out Jerry Marzinsky’s work, thanks for the recommendation.
Firstly, if this article has come across in any way as lacking compassion, or suggesting anyone suffering from hallucinations is to blame, then I’ve failed my intention. That last thing I want from sharing these insights is for people to walk away feeling at fault for their suffering; that’s the antithesis of my approach, not least because I’ve felt exactly the same.
I have not had a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but for additional context, I first experienced psychosis around 12/13 years ago. The “acute” stage lasted for several years with varying intensity, with echoes never fully going away, but becoming manageable. I then experienced an intense relapse which, again, lasted for a period of years. I don’t wish to compare to schizophrenia or imply there is a “way out,” these experiences have been chronic and enduring, including multiple spells of contemplating suicide. I am far from viewing this as a flowery fantasy.
My intention is to highlight the spiritual/energetic or non-ordinary aspects of these experiences. That includes peers, professionals, and those struggling. Not as a message of miraculous healing. But even an inch of relief here and there is worth it. I can’t talk to its effectiveness for others as of this moment in time, because I’ve not worked with or studied the direct application of these methods other than with myself. But that is my intention in the future, either directly with a PhD or in collaboration with those exploring these fields.
I hear you on the frustration and what can be implied by the cultural of healing and spirituality, as well as a strange contradiction between both invalidating and romanticising mental illness. Again, I wish to respect the difficulty of these experiences, not to suggest they’re easily overcome. I hesitate to say I’ve “overcome” them, and I’m with you on the frustration towards simplistic antidotes.
I appreciate your criticisms and kind words, both will help me refine this, so thank you.
It does take time to acclimatize to non-sensory realms, and it’s all-too-easy to dismiss or gaslight them into non-existence, because of the materialist approach to what is real and true. When this is validated on a wider scale, then we can look toward proper integration of energetic mastery.
Are you familiar with Roberto Assagioli? Your description of the process reminds me of his approach to spiritual emergency and gradually integrating on an emotional and intellectual level. That has been my experience, along with learning how to increase my body’s bandwidth. I also wasn’t aware Levine made that distinction in his work on trauma. I spoke with Rev. Dr. John Freese for a podcast episode, he makes a fine synthesis and connection between Somatic Experiencing and Vipassana.
I yearn for the day the industry rebalances and integrates this wisdom. Thank you for sharing your insight around this topic.
I appreciate the feedback on the way this is articulated. It is challenging, but I’m determined to keep refining the process.
“I agree with his assertion that paranoid psychosis can be the result of repressed emotions, or energies, spiritual and creative, the safe expression of which is almost impossible in a culture obsessed with science, productivity, conformity and more than anything, a meaningless and cruelly selfish propriety — to say nothing of the undercurrent of fear running beneath it all.”
Wonderfully put. That mixture of science, productivity, conformity, meaninglessness, fear, all contribute. To drop in another quote, from Jiddu Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Modern culture and civilisation has developed at the expense of soulful expression.
I think I get the gist of what you’re communicating, though I’m not certain. I’ll respond to what this brings up in me. Firstly, dreams. I agree they’re untapped potentials, forms of communication in their own right. I’m inspired by the Jungian approach; that the Self, which transcends the ego, is the architect of dreams, and speaks through them. In addition, that this realm is outside of time, which explains phenomenon of synchronicity.
The next question is: to what degree is this knowledge useful? If someone is already very open, struggles with a solid grounding and sense of self (I include myself in that) then focusing on that realm can create instability or detachment from the “real world.” You note specialness and Messiah Complex; these are repeated patterns during awakening that have to be integrated and understood.
“And to me those speak of ideas we acquired unaware IN the past: from other collections of IDEAS in ways we WERE not fully aware how, but are not spiritual, mysthical or the like.”
I also agree that the unconscious has a wide aperture, far, far beyond what we’re aware of. But I don’t see this exclusively as information or ideas picked up from “out there,” but also embedded in the spiritual, archetypal dimensions.
There’s enough support in direct practices of insight, inspired by Eastern traditions, and scientific understanding to heavily imply materialism, the predominant worldview in the West, is in itself an idea from the past that you speak of, an ideology we’ve mistaken for true fact, and in actuality, the ground of experience is of consciousness.
Thanks, Ron. I agree most avoid the topic altogether. Developing shared language/understanding is essential, but not easy. By the way, I presented at the last ISPS-US conference and I’m keen to collaborate, so perhaps we can get in touch? I’m also working through your course Spiritual Issues Within Treatment for Psychosis and Bipolar, which is illuminating. I’m grateful for the work you do!
Huge respect for your process and sharing — I personally see value in your initial comment and later reflections and will keep a copy for myself at least, as I say, it’s a perspective that is welcome and I totally get the initial rejection/fear. Often the intensity of inner experience with mental illness has to be protected, even fought for. Your humility and openness with your process is inspiring, thanks for that.
I experimented with drugs in my late teens/early 20s. Not DMT or psychedelics like acid/mushrooms etc. but MDMA, cannabis, ketamine. My initial psychotic experience was potentially drug-induced, but that seemed to amplify issues that were already there, as I was already experiencing chronic depression and panic disorder… so it was more like opening pandora’s box! I also started meditation around that time, so it all blends together, and the psychotic experience persisted even while completely sober (I don’t take drugs and haven’t drunk alcohol for over five years).
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I’m very happy to hear this, Holly! The shift is happening, and I’m intrigued and excited to see how the approach to such challenging situations will evolve over the coming years. I will check out Jerry Marzinsky’s work, thanks for the recommendation.
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Thank you, Melinda, this makes it all worth it!
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Firstly, if this article has come across in any way as lacking compassion, or suggesting anyone suffering from hallucinations is to blame, then I’ve failed my intention. That last thing I want from sharing these insights is for people to walk away feeling at fault for their suffering; that’s the antithesis of my approach, not least because I’ve felt exactly the same.
I have not had a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but for additional context, I first experienced psychosis around 12/13 years ago. The “acute” stage lasted for several years with varying intensity, with echoes never fully going away, but becoming manageable. I then experienced an intense relapse which, again, lasted for a period of years. I don’t wish to compare to schizophrenia or imply there is a “way out,” these experiences have been chronic and enduring, including multiple spells of contemplating suicide. I am far from viewing this as a flowery fantasy.
My intention is to highlight the spiritual/energetic or non-ordinary aspects of these experiences. That includes peers, professionals, and those struggling. Not as a message of miraculous healing. But even an inch of relief here and there is worth it. I can’t talk to its effectiveness for others as of this moment in time, because I’ve not worked with or studied the direct application of these methods other than with myself. But that is my intention in the future, either directly with a PhD or in collaboration with those exploring these fields.
I hear you on the frustration and what can be implied by the cultural of healing and spirituality, as well as a strange contradiction between both invalidating and romanticising mental illness. Again, I wish to respect the difficulty of these experiences, not to suggest they’re easily overcome. I hesitate to say I’ve “overcome” them, and I’m with you on the frustration towards simplistic antidotes.
I appreciate your criticisms and kind words, both will help me refine this, so thank you.
Report comment
It does take time to acclimatize to non-sensory realms, and it’s all-too-easy to dismiss or gaslight them into non-existence, because of the materialist approach to what is real and true. When this is validated on a wider scale, then we can look toward proper integration of energetic mastery.
Are you familiar with Roberto Assagioli? Your description of the process reminds me of his approach to spiritual emergency and gradually integrating on an emotional and intellectual level. That has been my experience, along with learning how to increase my body’s bandwidth. I also wasn’t aware Levine made that distinction in his work on trauma. I spoke with Rev. Dr. John Freese for a podcast episode, he makes a fine synthesis and connection between Somatic Experiencing and Vipassana.
I yearn for the day the industry rebalances and integrates this wisdom. Thank you for sharing your insight around this topic.
Report comment
I appreciate the feedback on the way this is articulated. It is challenging, but I’m determined to keep refining the process.
“I agree with his assertion that paranoid psychosis can be the result of repressed emotions, or energies, spiritual and creative, the safe expression of which is almost impossible in a culture obsessed with science, productivity, conformity and more than anything, a meaningless and cruelly selfish propriety — to say nothing of the undercurrent of fear running beneath it all.”
Wonderfully put. That mixture of science, productivity, conformity, meaninglessness, fear, all contribute. To drop in another quote, from Jiddu Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” Modern culture and civilisation has developed at the expense of soulful expression.
Report comment
I think I get the gist of what you’re communicating, though I’m not certain. I’ll respond to what this brings up in me. Firstly, dreams. I agree they’re untapped potentials, forms of communication in their own right. I’m inspired by the Jungian approach; that the Self, which transcends the ego, is the architect of dreams, and speaks through them. In addition, that this realm is outside of time, which explains phenomenon of synchronicity.
The next question is: to what degree is this knowledge useful? If someone is already very open, struggles with a solid grounding and sense of self (I include myself in that) then focusing on that realm can create instability or detachment from the “real world.” You note specialness and Messiah Complex; these are repeated patterns during awakening that have to be integrated and understood.
“And to me those speak of ideas we acquired unaware IN the past: from other collections of IDEAS in ways we WERE not fully aware how, but are not spiritual, mysthical or the like.”
I also agree that the unconscious has a wide aperture, far, far beyond what we’re aware of. But I don’t see this exclusively as information or ideas picked up from “out there,” but also embedded in the spiritual, archetypal dimensions.
There’s enough support in direct practices of insight, inspired by Eastern traditions, and scientific understanding to heavily imply materialism, the predominant worldview in the West, is in itself an idea from the past that you speak of, an ideology we’ve mistaken for true fact, and in actuality, the ground of experience is of consciousness.
Report comment
Thanks, Ron. I agree most avoid the topic altogether. Developing shared language/understanding is essential, but not easy. By the way, I presented at the last ISPS-US conference and I’m keen to collaborate, so perhaps we can get in touch? I’m also working through your course Spiritual Issues Within Treatment for Psychosis and Bipolar, which is illuminating. I’m grateful for the work you do!
Report comment