Sunday, July 21, 2019

Comments by LWRfree

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  • I spent years refusing to get a diagnosis of bipolar. That “politically correct” label leaves someone diagnosed with it the impression that the wiring in their brain needs a complete overhaul. You go visit a psychiatrist and they go through their criteria check sheet to see if your behavior, moods and thinking don’t meet what society and big money deem as normal. Normal may still be a cycle on a washing machine but they are machines built to all perform a specific job. It seems society has developed this need to control and behavior seen as different threatens their control of what they don’t understand and of coarse the pharmaceutical companies are so obscenely getting even richer off anything that gets labelled an illness and add mental to the illness the opportunities become endless. I’m sure they are heavily involved in that criteria check to because more than likely if you go in to see if you have some supposed mental illness you will be told you have something very wrong with your mind and like clockwork out comes the prescription pad and guaranteed you will leave the Dr’s office with at least one prescription and a certainty that you now know theirs something wrong with your mind. I soon realized after receiving a diagnosis of one why I had refused to get one for almost 15 years. Now over 20 years later the damage done by the psychiatric field still still effects me. The DSM is nothing more than some list of rules to qualify making that so needed diagnosis so you qualify to get insurance to cover all the many drugs you will be told are so necessary to take the rest of your life. This article is enough to scare the crap out of anyone that has taken these type of drugs.I’m 64 and that’s an age that thoughts of dementia are getting a little to close. About 3 years after being diagnosed I was put on seroquel. It really was the first time I really started taking instead of flushing the drugs. I’d been on disability for over 2 years by then and figured they must be right that I was really sick. Six weeks after starting seroquel I ended up in the hospital from a first suicide attempt. When I got there I was told I was severely diabetic. I was shocked. I’d had lab tests 2 weeks before starting the drug and my sugar was normal. I had no family history of it and at that time I was still thin. It made no sense. I had looked up the drug when I got it and no mention of it causing diabetes. The next year and a half were a nightmare. They couldn’t get my sugar down, my perfectly good teeth started rotting, my gut was torn up daily, gained over 20 pounds and I I felt like I was in some fog when I happened on an article that said it might be causing diabetes. I went off it cold turkey that day. I just knew that had to be the problem. Withdrawal was awful. I still had diabetes but the medication for that finally started working and my sugar went down. I had to change psychiatrists because the one that prescribed it told me I was acting delusional and refused to take me off the drug. By that time I was getting used to being told when I occasionally stated a differing opinion that I was delusional. I found out fast to never state my real feeling about bipolar. I had always viewed it as a gift and not some illness which was why I refused to get dx’d for so long. I wanted no part of medication that was going to take away my gift. I was 29 when I realized it wasn’t depression after my dad told me that it was very hereditary in his family. I had never known that both my grandmother and her brother had spent years institutionalized for it. I had had some depressions and taken antidepressants a few times but within a couple weeks was feeling great and stopped taking them. I always related these great feelings as having one of those great springs again as I I was very seasonal for years. I decided to look up manic depression and realized I didn’t have depression and that must be those great springs. The psychiatrist that dx’d me told me that you had to have the gene to get it but it usually came out from environment. No one ever questioned the environment I grew up in. Once you get that DSM dx everything that happens because of that dx. Why look further now that they have you in the system and hooked on the damn meds and you’re nothing but a shadow of your former sell. You just accept what they tell you and for many years if you got out of line they threw you in the hospital and shot you full of haldol and you just hoped they added the counteracting drug because if they didn’t you’d soon be feeling like every muscle in your body was gone. It only happened one time but the didn’t tell me they have to add I believe it’s ativan or this happens. No Dr ever told me about it. It was other patients that had been through it that told me what was happening. Involuntary hospitalization is often more traumatizing than helpful. The first time I was baker acted in Florida my mother requested it. I overheard them say it and tried to run because I was scared. I was only hypomanic and not hospital material at the time. Trying to run was just proof that I needed it. No one even questioned why a mother would do what she did. She just watched as 4 big guys grabbed me and threw me down on the concrete floor of the ER and I saw this shot being pushed in my stomach. I didn’t realize they could give you something against your will at that time. I woke up hours later in 4 point restraints. I was left in them 14 hours straight without time out. They really do hurt. I was never fed and had no way to reach the water on the nightstand. I had no idea that I had lost my humanity and was now just a diagnosis with no dignity left. After arriving at the mental hospital the only compassion I received was from other patients. The staff just barked orders. We were all just treated with contempt as to the staff we were nothing more than a bunch of deranged, dx’d mental cases. If you try to demand respect it means your fighting the system which is just added proof to how sick you are and they look at you with fear because now with the bipolar dx it means you might kill. The media just clamoring for sensationalism adds fuel to the fire. I was still flushing meds then and my spirit was still alive and well. I still had the audacity to call them out for their behavior but all the credibility I had just a year earlier was gone. At the time of dx I was still running my own architectural business. Now I was just waiting on my first disability check. A very toxic former friend typical of the type I seemed to attract took it on to let my customers know my dx. One of my bigger accounts just disappeared. It didn’t occur to me why they just disappeared until she told me she had told them as in her words she felt they deserved to know that I was “mental” now. I had no idea then of the abuse I had grown up with. I thought the mania I woke up with at 15 was what saved me from the suicide I was planning. I still believe it was the mania that saved me. It did come on because of my environment. It didn’t occur to me that I was being abused by both my mother and older half sister since early childhood. Much of the abuse I now know was done through gaslighting and severe religious abuse. It was drilled in to me that I was a very bad person. After the bipolar diagnosis and numbed out on psychiatric drugs my mother and sister were able to push their way back in my life and turned my life back in to ongoing trauma. Antipsychotics dumb you out. They rob you of your personality. I finally ditched most of the meds and was able to take back control of my life but financially I’m ruined. I’ve spent 6 years trying to heal from the CPTSD but seems I’m treatment resistant. I feel I have one option left but at this time it’s illegal. The micro-dosing a psychedelic. They say it heals PTSD. The pharmaceutical companies will never allow it as all they want to produce are drugs to supposedly control symptoms as long as you take them for life. They don’t want a cure because the money is in ongoing use. As usual I wrote to long a post. Sorry. I’m a writer, presently writing a book actually and sometimes I I tend to write too much in posts. My verbal skills are not real good so I write.