Friday, May 14, 2021

Comments by Mimzy

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  • All of this is interesting. Distressing and a bit hopeful at the same time. There was very little mention of sexual abuse in spite of Sandusky, Catholics, and epidemic sex trafficking, let alone rapes, long term childhood sexual abuse and incest. I agree that this absolutely needs to be survivor led or they will be wasting money, doing the same BS that’s always been done and leaving children and adults worse than they had been if this isn’t done right. I endured years of childhood sexual abuse plus several other “ACE’s” growing up. I had very few teachers take an interest in me and many treat me badly even though I did mostly well in school and was responsible. It was my fault I was being bullied because I “didn’t get along with others”. Many teachers basically bullied me as well. I was quiet and sullen, so I’m not sure how blamed me and became part of the bullying. I thought about suicide every single day. There were many years of hospitalizations beginning in my 20’s. I was yelled at by Drs who didn’t care why I was there. Including why being strip searched while suicidal was traumatic since nobody asked or cared. They literally left me on my own to cry for hours right after admitting me. Drs didn’t care that I was allergic to a previously tried psych med because it was the one they wanted to put me on. Or that I had an eating disorder and therefore didn’t want to be put on MAOI’s. One “doctor” said I didn’t want to be in them just so I could eat pizza with friends. Once I wasnt allowed to talk to my hospital social worker while there. This meant I was keep “hostage” an extra week while I used the pay phone to find a partial program, which was required for my release. A director wouldn’t let my medical Dr talk to me even though she had releases. Many therapists have NO idea what they are doing. Even when they know what I’ve been through it’s all “talk therapy” which only deals with coping with daily living. Without any real help, let alone looking at any underlying cause. I’ve always had to fight for myself in the system and they saw that as one of my problems – being non-compliant as opposed to advocating for myself even though I was so depressed I couldn’t even muster up enough feelings to do this with anger or attitude. A year ago I was transferred to a therapist after four years of asking to see her. She finally consented, but made no promises. She went drill sargent all over me at my first appt. Telling me (with much attitude) expectations, that she could only promise to see me once a month, etc. When she was done she got right in my face and half yelled, “Are you sure you still want to see me?” I smiled, looked her straight in the eye and said, “Absolutely”. I had no idea she was a trauma therapist. She saw me a month later and realized I seriously wanted to get better. We went from every other week to every week. I thank God that after almost four decades since the last abuse episode as a teen, I have a specialist who knows what she’s doing, cares very much, and has helped me tremendously even in such a short period of time! It’s going to take several years, but I now have hope. The only person I’ve been able to find who understands trauma is Diane Langberg PHD. ALL kinds of trauma due to working with abuse survivors, refugees, Rwandans, people affected by natural disasters, poverty, etc. She ought to be on any team working on these changes along with survivors leading the way. I pray for current and future generations that these people do everything they can to “get it right” and truly lead the way to making a difference as opposed to offering hope while doing nothing or even making things worse.