Another way to think about this, perhaps, is that we are all seeking control–what will happen to us and what other people think of us, for example. I’m an instructional coach at a large public high school, and part of my job is to help teachers relinquish control while guiding students to discovering ideas or answers or solutions themselves or with each other. I use this lens–giving up control–when I feel anxiety about someone or something. I have been working on two things–what is it I can control and what is it I can’t. I cannot control what people are thinking, as in the student in Hugh’s example, nor can I know what they are thinking. I can only be in conversation with other people, and I can only engage in my own ways. I don’t think this is easy. Part of what’s difficult for me is that I want certain things to happen, certain outcomes, certain reactions–certain things out of my control. Desire. That is a great obstacle. If I knew the answer, and if I could control the answer, I would feel calmer. I am learning that those things are impossible.