Comments by Amanda Back

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  • Hi Faith,

    I love the “tooth brushing as an existential endeavor.” That is exactly what it is like for me. I call it the “abyss of the mirror.” Somehow I would go in the bathroom to wash my hands and an hour later would find myself staring deeply into a mirror that had taken on some depth distortion and wondering if what I see is real.

    I used to actually love that feeling and have had to rediscover my appreciation for it. It is horrible that we have the very experiences that make our live exhilarating stripped from us.

    Fascinating is a good word sometimes, and you said it so eloquently. If we can look at an experience as fascinating, we can examine it, admire it, and most of all, ENJOY IT sometimes. If we look at an experience as a symptom, we will fear it.

    I certainly understand that some folks are not ready to be with the awful feelings, and I respect their choices and hope they respect mine as well. But honestly, I have had much more beauty and creativity and love develop out of awful thoughts that I ever had develop from mundane thoughts. I always try to remember that as I am going through hell.

    Thank you so much for you thoughtful comments and interesting conversation.

    I do hope we see each other around!


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  • Greetings Duane,

    I understand completely, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    I honestly remind myself of this almost every day. Sometimes I think really have to focus on the experience and imagine all the benefits of it regardless of what is doing to me physically or emotionally. Even though this can be a struggle sometimes, I try to just appreciate that I can feel so deeply regardless of whether the feeling was a little unsettling at the time. The feeling for me can beautiful simply because it is part of my humanity.


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