“It should have been safe and healing for me in the hospital.” “The biggest challenge for me about this experience is that none of it had to happen. The nurse near the window could have asked me why I did not want to move.” I am sorry that this was your experience. Mine has been the same. And most of my experiences never had to happen. One thing about being in a hospital whether that be in the psych ward of a hospital or outside the psych ward is it is never a safe or a healing environment, I have learned. If you point out in society that the nurses were mean to me in the psych ward everyone thinks no that is not possible. Nurses are not capable of not being kind. Over the years I have had 6 psych experiences and 3 non psych experiences. Most nurses though do not care about the patients. I have had a few good nurses but overall my experience is overwhelmingly negative. I am the good patient. I am the quiet patient. I used to do as I was told, then my condition would get worse. I suffered being the good, compliant patient. Then one day, I learned that I must learn to lie. Yes. Healthcare has taught me no good thing comes from honesty with them. I am a sensitive individual. I am not comfortable with the lying. I learned I must hide most of my physical pain and suffering. It only gets me sent to Dr. Freud. I hide most of my physical symptoms. Luckily for me, people in medicine have poor observation skills. They can be pressing on my abdomen and I am totally wincing in pain and as long as you don’t vocalize they don’t notice and even if you do they don’t notice. I seriously lost 50 lbs from the time I saw a gastroenterologist in January until they saw me in September. But they didn’t even notice that I had lost weight. I even mentioned that I was concerned that I was losing weight but still nope “Patient is not losing weight.” Now I live on IV nutrition and I am told I get such “GREAT CARE.” I think they may be trying to brain wash me. Truth be told they sign the order but never talk to me. My doctor knows nothing about me. I had this evil person call today. Now when I say evil I mean I have no idea why she called me. I expected a call for an appointment. She tried to push off her concerns as my concerns and keep telling me she didn’t want to waste my time, ironically all the while wasting my time. If you don’t want me as a patient either just say so or better yet don’t ever call me. Not calling me would have been far kinder than some person lying to herself telling herself that she is calling me because she cares. She said they may take over my nutrition if I move 2000 miles and am closer. So I am supposed to blindly move not knowing if I will starve to death or not. That is the definition of insanity. Anyway this person didn’t think her request was in anyway insane. Like most people in healthcare they live in some delusional fantasy world. Plus I kind of want to meet me doctor before I say yes. If I am going to have to work with this person, I would like to meet them before I make some crazy commitment. And yet they think I am the one with mental health problems. I think everyone that works in healthcare has mental health problems. They have delusional expectations of patients. We are supposed to think of them as HEROES. They ripped my feeding tube out without deflating the balloon but yet I am supposed to call that doctor my hero while I was screaming involuntarily in pain. They refuse to help me when I ask. They are not my hero. A thorn in my flesh maybe but hero nope. I had depression problems because all my physical problems were not believed. It is normal for females to not be believed. It is also very normal for patient with dysautonomia to see 50 doctors before one figures out they have a form of dysautonomia and they are not “mentally ill.” Most dysautonomia patients are given a mental health label before they ever get an accurate diagnosis. It is so much easier to say oh you have anxiety or you have depression then to figure out what is wrong. It took me having one foot in the grave before I got a diagnosis. But with a diagnosis did not come a cure. Nor did it come with treatment. Everyone of my problems is someone else’s problem. My gastroenterologist think my neurologist should treat my GI symptoms. My neurologist points back at my gastroenterologist. Same with ophthalmologist or any other speciality. Go get help from someone else. Just not me.