Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (but maybe not at gunpoint!). I have learned that if I am having impulses, urges, and dangerous inner voices – that there is something underneath them. That they are valuable companions in this journey called life – and if they ramp up, it is because I have been ignoring them, shoving them down (and this repression makes me more dangerous). Only I can control my moods – the lithium only dampened them down so that I was unlikely to even know what they are – much less how they could help me (instead of harming myself and others). It is not a lithium deficiency. You feel very strongly the need to be controlled by the lithium. When the time comes, and they send you for dialysis, and you can no longer take the lithium, what will you do then? In this society, we are called to often behave in non-human fashions, in the name of conformity. It may be that some of us need the Soma to survive the society we have built. It’s my desire that we can all be free of this mental and emotional control, free to be the humans we were born to be. I do recognise that it may not be practical for so many (like my own loved ones, who are also controlled by drugs & psychiatry) to be free of these shackles. So I’m not picking on you – but just sharing that I believe there is another way besides destroying your organs with the lithium. My beliefs may or may not apply to you.