Friday, September 18, 2020

Comments by kba

Showing 2 of 2 comments.

  • Mariem, I want to express my deep, deep gratitude for you for sharing your story, which is soaked with the same familiar emotions I went through. My story is different from yours and yet it is so similar. My mother is also a psychiatrist, and I have been searching the net for similar stories that happened to psychiatrist’s children and I found none (until now). And then I thought maybe I am a miracle survivor, because in these days if you have a psychiatrist diploma you can do anything with other human beings. A very corrupt system of institutions and colleagues will always defend you readily. There is huge money in the pharmaceutical industry, and I think one or the most profitable branch is psychiatric pills, because patients cannot stop taking them easily, these patients also are very vulnerable and will not question anything doctors or relatives say them to take, and they need pills on the long run generally.
    So my story is different: my mother is narcissistic and so wanted to see me mentally sick and of course wanted to see all relatives, friends, everybody in the world to see me that as well, including me myself, and see her as a wonderful loving mother. She did not give us (family, close friends or anybody else living in our home at the moment) much medication, though we always had them at home while she was working as a drug agent popularizing psychiatric medicines, and encouraged us to try them if we wanted or take them if we want (without any control) like it was candy.

    The trigger of your and my stories is same: I was the biggest burden for my mother among all my siblings. I was not behaving like she wanted me (although I tried very hard because otherwise she punished me emotionally), I just had different personality that she hated. When I became a little older, around 6 she started to see me as a rival because unlike her I had very good relationship with my father and her mother-in-law and also her own parents loved me (they never really loved or cared about her: their daughter). After some tragical but very common family happenings which my mother blamed on me (though I was also a victim like she was), my mother started to systematically destroy me: my realtionships and my mental health (and also physical health indirectly but it may not have been intentional: not cooking or taking care of our eating and not ensuring a quiet time and place to retreat to work or sleep, the rooms were all common). It meant alienating me from all my family members, all my friends, all relatives, everybody, convincing everybody that I was mentally ill, evil and not even a human being, only a crazy animal that they can hurt because I do not have feelings anyway. She lied, she exaggerated, she left out parts of stories, she manipulated others nonverbally with facial expression, with tones of her voice with gestures, at the same time seeming to be a great mother a great person a knowleadgable psychiatrist that many people turned to for personal advice about their own kids. All her colleague friends were convinced by her. The only exceptions were my fathers uneducated friends whom she did not like and used some of the same techniques against them. These people emphatized with me and saw what she was doing at least roughly saw that something was very wrong, but could not do anything against it, could not defend me. Of course: an undeducated person against a professional psychiatrist? No chance. I also believed everything my mother wanted me to believe about her and myself and other family members. I knew that I am not like that (same as you put it) but just believed her anyway, she used emotional manipulation, which really worked on me, because I am a Highly Sensitive Person or empath. I was a perfect object for her manipulations.

    Anyway victims of narcissistic parents probably should be also categorized under Munchausen by proxy syndrome (if they are not yet), because if not physically/chemically but the parent want to see their child sick mentally and will not use pills but will use emotional/verbal/psychological manipulation to make the child mentally weak and sick. They try to project all their negative traits, negative emotions, negative part of their personality on the “chosen” scapegoat child, so they can get rid of those nasty things and not having to connect those with themselves or face their own weaknesses.

    I think children of psychiatrists are one of the most endangered ones, because of solidarity of colleagues and of the professionalism of the parent to pretend they are normal. They know very well what to say to another psychiatrist to convince them that the child is sick and that they tried everything and are good parents (narcissistic people can find the proper voice with mostly anyone), and can very professionally manipulate the child themself. I think most of these children (even adult children) do not know what is happening to them, even if they feel something is terribly wrong and they are constantly suffering they think it is their own fault. It is so confusing, so difficult to get out of the constant control of that parent, mainly because the whole world, everybody around the scapegoat child is suggesting the same “reality” the narcissistic parent want to see. Almost impossible to get out. I am very lucky indeed that I found a well- functioning psychopath husband whom my mother could not manipulate so easily and who got me out of this soul asylum called family. Now I can see more clearly about my past, but of course most of the destruction to my personality is permanent. Maybe with a good therapist there would be hope, but until now I did not find such a person even among psychiatrist professors I went to (they could not even identify the situation)…Still I feel and see myself much more healthy than my psychiatrist mother, who cannot face her life, her own self, her past, her family situation,her problems and hurts and destroys everybody around her to keep up her pink reality bubble that does not exist.

    I do think that in your case and in my case parents should be sentenced by law as they not only abused their profession and diploma but also their child and possibly so many other people. Psychiatric disease identification should work the other way around: if there is a psychological problem with a kid, the parents should be treated in almost every case, not the child…But of course, the parents are the ones who pay for the treatment and pills…It is almost like an untold agreement between the parents and psychiatrist about keeping the child on pills and taking them to regular treatments: it is financially good for the psychiatrist and the industry (psychiatrists get bonuses, gifts, travels, etc. for prescribing more and more medicines from pharmaceutical companies), good also for the resume of the profession, and also good for the parent as they get rid of or can finally control their child.

    In case of extreme cases that effect the society as well: criminals, mentally ill people, drug users, suiciders, etc. the law should have the parents accountable as well, because these deeds all are evidences for very severe child torture and abuse.

    People should unmotivate themselves to be parents if they are not convinced they will be good ones, and if they are already parents, they should prioritize this very task in their life above all other things. If they do not want to do that, it is OK, then they should ask for help and help should be provided to them. Generally it would be very important that a child has more than two people that they can trust, other permanent caregivers added to the parents. Parenting is a very exhausting task mentally and physically and 2 people are not enough for that generally.