Thursday, June 17, 2021

Comments by Jill M. Talbot

Showing 21 of 21 comments.

  • Well they don’t think they’re punishing us, they honestly believe they’re helping… because they don’t see us as people. Therefore they tick off boxes of behaviour like they’re inspecting a car… this is why I think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was such a cop out. It’s so easy to make it about an evil nurse. But in reality evil is much easier to live with. There’s logic to it. When someone putting you in restraints thinks they’re helping, that’s a nightmare… It’s because they think we can’t control our behaviour that they try to control it for us. But just being around people who expect us to be uncontrollable creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is no sane response to an insane place. This is why I laugh inappropriately to them, because I think the whole thing is funny. And sad, of course, but I’m not going to be vulnerable enough to let that part out…

  • Thanks. But I wonder about the drugs… I personally view seeing the drugs as the problem when it comes to addiction as entirely missing the point. Addiction is a response to dislocation. Many people with healthy relationships and environments and opportunities are able to take opiates without ever getting addicted. Check out the Rat Park study. Opiates are not the problem, and opiates help many people survive unlivable worlds. People with childhood trauma also have insufficient natural opioids so it’s not an accident we search for it where we can. Now if we could focus on community healing instead of all of the bullshit the system offers us…

  • Hmmm there’s a lot there so I’m not sure exactly what you’re asking. Personality is complex. I was adopted so I don’t buy into the idea that it’s entirely created via other people. My personality is almost identical to my biological mother’s and I never met her. But a lot of BPD traits aren’t really about personality at all, they’re mostly bullshit descriptions of defense mechanisms and responses to trauma. I find concepts like attachment insecurity much more useful, especially in my experience. I have a pretty serious anxious-avoidant attachment but my emotions are rather stable. But since they put everyone into a box they simply tell me to do DBT which has exactly 0 application to my situation. BPD is bullshit but so is the entire DSM. BPD isn’t about personality at all, it’s about survival skills. And we should learn to value ourselves for surviving, not label ourselves as a disorder and a checklist.

  • I think the worst for me was when they forced me to take effexor and it had me walking into walls, shuffling when I walked, getting brain zaps where I’d stop mid sentence, and basically felt like I was on MDMA. I had to focus just to not fall over. Then they told me that the reason why I felt like I was on MDMA was because I was bipolar. To top it off I was dope sick at the same time. I was refusing my opioid medication because addictions doctors couldn’t force me to take anything, only psych could.

  • Yes, of course it is. But when you’re so broken that you’re turning to people you don’t even trust it makes it so much worse when those people act like you’re just being attention seeking and manipulative. On maybe two occasions I got the response of, “I know you’re in a lot of pain and I wish there was something I could do but I’m not sure there is…” Now that I have no problem with. At one place you had to specify if you were there for addiction or mental health and just choosing the wrong box could get you sent away if they didn’t have the appropriate person. Why do they think I do drugs! I actually try to tell people to choose addiction any time the choice is offered, even if they’re not addicts. The addiction system is infinitely more humane…

  • I appreciate all of the comments here. One thing I need to do is figure out how to destroy my copy of the DSM. Any ideas? I was originally going to make erasure poems but I think the language has too much garbage in it for that. I should at least scribble some profanity and I SURVIVED before complete destruction. I burned my mental health records some years ago and I highly recommend this.

  • Yeah I didn’t start on the problems with the borderline label because that would require its own essay… they first gave me that label when I was 16. In a sense it’s a more freeing label in that the system often simply rejects you rather than smothers you, but the rejection for merely surviving what other people couldn’t stomach for a second! And the idea that it’s our personality that is the problem! They manipulate us and put us in a position where we have to play their games, then they use that as evidence that they were right all along. I had one psychiatrist trick me into calling myself borderline essentially.
    “You have the traits but it’s different for you because it stems from your childhood.”
    “That’s what borderline is,” I foolishly replied.
    She smiled and I immediately realized my error. After that I never let them win again. I had another one tell me that dissociation was a refusal to be “real” and that she could come back when I was ready to be real. She hadn’t known me for more than 5 minutes when she said this.

  • Interesting. I agree with everything but one point. Is being infantilized the opposite of being seen as threatening? Why the need to infantilize? Are we not so out of control that we need a straight jacket? I mean isn’t that their thinking… I view being coddled with drugs and being put in handcuffs as the same thing. But perhaps you are correct in that opposites often are the same. I can’t and won’t pretend to have the experience necessary to add anything to your thoughts on race but I do appreciate you sharing them.