Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Comments by elipaul

Showing 4 of 4 comments.

  • Hi humanbeing. I know very well the feeling of “eternal suffering,” and I fought hard not to believe the lie of “permanence.” It’s a horrendously hard place to be.

    Actually, I have written extensively about my experience and healing. I posted a success story on BenzoBuddies in February 2013 at 30 months off clonazepam (although I was well at 22 months).

    I have had no waves at all. I began drinking coffee again at about 14/15 months off (after having none for 2 years). I can travel anywhere I want now. I would love to travel and meet many of the people I’ve “met” in wd and have been helping. The only thing that stresses me is others around me getting stressed over things that are trivial. (If they only knew how bad a person can really feel.)

    Alcohol is absolutely forbidden. There is a great deal of evidence that it may act as a positive allosteric modulator much in the same way as benzos. I don’t ever want to chance going through that hell again.

    I could write many pages here about my experience. I do have a website that has been designed primarily to give hope to those in wd from benzos or other psych drugs (even alcohol – since I also drank for many years). I have about 40 writings there plus a few dozen videos done by a few people who have healed (there are lots of other healed people who seem to be too shy or afraid to do videos or just don’t know how). There is a contact email address on the website. The web address is http://www.merryjoyousfree.com

    Come see us if you haven’t yet.

  • I understand the issue here quite well – the semantics of addiction versus dependence/tolerance. I know what it is like to be in an ER in a suicidal state caused by dependence on prescribed benzos (clonazepam). I know what it is like to be given a sham dual diagnosis (addicted and mentally ill) by countless individuals in the mental health care system – none of whom had a clue who I was, where I have been or what was going on in my life. It was incredibly demeaning, but, more importantly, it was dangerous.

    I spent 3 weeks under suicide watch in a psychiatric hospital where I was yanked off 4 mg clonazepam and treated like an addict. I have no idea how I even survived that experience and the subsequent 2 1/2 years of withdrawal hell. It was horrendous.

    I think the distinction between addiction and dependence is important just as the distinction between “mentally ill” and “sensitive to all that is life” is also important. Our culture needs to understand taking any kind of prescribed psychotropic drug makes us neither an addict nor is it proof that we are mentally ill (whatever that even means). Sadly, most people do not “get it” until they personally must bear the suffering caused by the medical community and its insane practice of prescribing a pill for every slight discomfort or problem a person may have.

    I have been well for 3 1/2 years and spend time helping others through benzo withdrawal. I do a lot of writing and recently wrote an article about benzodiazepines for an addiction blog that is viewed by many people. I was very clear to make the distinction between addiction and dependence; however, the mere fact that my writing appeared in an addiction blog created ire in some individuals. I was accused of perpetuating the myth and doing a disservice.

    Would it be better to refrain from posting about iatragenic illness in an addiction blog?

  • I understand the issue here quite well – the semantics of addiction versus dependence/tolerance. I know what it is like to be in an ER in a suicidal state caused by dependence on prescribed benzos (clonazepam). I know what it is like to be given a sham dual diagnosis (addicted and mentally ill) by countless individuals in the mental health care system – none of whom had a clue who I was, where I have been or what was going on in my life. It was incredibly demeaning, but, more importantly, it was dangerous.

    I spent 3 weeks under suicide watch in a psychiatric hospital where I was yanked off 4 mg clonazepam and treated like an addict. I have no idea how I even survived that experience and the subsequent 2 1/2 years of withdrawal hell. It was horrendous.

    I think the distinction between addiction and dependence is important just as the distinction between “mentally ill” and “sensitive to all that is life” is also important. Our culture needs to understand taking any kind of prescribed psychotropic drug makes us neither an addict nor is it proof that we are mentally ill (whatever that even means). Sadly, most people do not “get it” until they personally must bear the suffering caused by the medical community and its insane practice of prescribing a pill for every slight discomfort or problem a person may have.

    I have been well for 3 1/2 years and spend time helping others through benzo withdrawal. I do a lot of writing and recently wrote an article about benzodiazepines for an addiction blog that is viewed by many people. I was very clear to make the distinction between addiction and dependence; however, the mere fact that my writing appeared in an addiction blog created ire in some individuals. I was accused of perpetuating the myth and doing a disservice.

    Would it be better to refrain from posting about iatragenic illness in an addiction blog?

  • I had four ECT “treatments” in early 2010. I was having severe suicidal depression from tolerance withdrawal from Klonopin and ended up in the psychiatric hospital. They did manage to keep me from killing myself. It seemed as though they wanted the pleasure of ending my life rather than let me do it myself. Of course, they had to torture me first in multiple ways.

    The evening I was admitted (Friday), the doctor on staff simply “picked” an anti-depressant for me to be on till Monday when my own doctor would evaluate me. So, I spent the weekend sick in my stomach, shaking, and endlessly pacing the hallways from the akathisia from the Wellbutrin. On Monday, my staff doctor decided that clomipramine was the way to go. That made me even sicker.

    During my three weeks there, I was taken off 4 mg Klonopin (which put me into acute withdrawal), and I was forced to attend 12-step meetings and participate in group ”therapy” sessions. I would sit there and shake and try to speak.

    Since I was not responding well to the medications, they convinced me that I needed ECT. I was told it was my only hope. I gave my consent. In between ECT treatments, they made me do what they called a ”mini-withdrawal” from the Ativan I was taking. In all of the torture I was subjected to, that was the absolute cruelest. I felt like I would have a stroke at any moment. They obviously did not care. They took my blood pressure every morning, and the machine would flash and beep because my blood pressure was typically 240/120. They would then take it again. The flashing and beeping would start once again. Then I would be told to go to breakfast.

    Immediately before and after each ECT treatment, I was tormented with some kind of “test” to measure my memory, cognition, and mood. I was so whacked out from all the meds and cruelty that I could barely fathom what the tasks and questions were, and I tried very hard to answer them. I was desperate to feel better.

    Society simply does not want to take the time to understand what has happened to individuals who are depressed, anxious, and so on. Instead, for those who can’t seem to “get it together,” our society hands them over to a system of torture and calls it “medicine.” It’s the “out of sight out of mind” approach. It is cruel and unusual and won’t change until people of compassion and understanding take the time and make the effort to help these individuals (and there are getting to be more and more because of the current system). That leaves out probably 95% of those currently in the “mental health” profession.

    I did manage to stumble out of that torture chamber barely alive – even though I was praying for death. Once I realized that I was deathly ill because of (rather than in spite of) the treatment by the “mental health” system (with its ECT, drugs, cruelty, and brainwashed therapists), I managed to escape the system and heal. I never was “mentally ill” for a single day in my life even though their “treatment” made me appear so to everyone including myself.