Saturday, December 3, 2022

Comments by scoutshouse

Showing 1 of 1 comments.

  • Alex Holland
    “The most dangerous place to be is in-between, where you are non-compliant enough to cause aggravation but not confident enough to win on your own terms.”

    Out of curiosity, I asked my psychiatrist three years ago why I wasn’t offered DBT therapy (I thought it was sounded very academic!) I was told, “Oh, no – you’re not Borderline.”

    This year, while in CBASP therapy, I developed full-blown anxiety. Never having had it, I had no coping skills, and for the first time in many years I really wanted alcohol. Because of a history with alcohol, I already knew I would not be prescribed any kind of immediate harm reduction (benzos).

    After 18 years of voluntary abstinence, even asking for help – I couldn’t even say “Benzos” – made me extremely anxious, knowing that I would most definitely be labeled drug seeking or somehow worse, non-compliant.

    One suggestion I made: A prescription for 5 or 2 or 1, which I would show him every month. I simply wanted to know I had option other than alcohol or emergency room (his suggestion). The result was predictable, but I never really stopped asking, and arguing my position to the best of my ability at that time.

    All the while wondering, how hard did I really want to hammer on the very real threat of alcoholic relapse, when I’ve come to believe it’s not a disease and none of his business?

    At that point, he began putting it out there that I might have some emotional disregulation (Buspar or Gabapentin, my choice!). Having been so compliant with him for so long, I realized he found my persistence somewhat tedious and argumentative. And it was just as clear to me my reaction was completely within the context of our conflict and my still untreated anxiety. Then, finally, the “B” word came out (DBT! (over my dead body)).

    So yes, I have been in that awful position. That, in a nutshell, is why I’m “mad.”

    BTW, he’s rotating out 🙂 🙂