Monday, May 27, 2019

Comments by chendri887

Showing 3 of 3 comments.

  • Nancy and Soggyboy:

    Hey, I truly appreciate both of your perspectives on the topic of taking Seroquel. You both make such thoughtful and perceptive comments that, well, first, I’m sorry for my post leading to the argument between the two of you. On the other hand, that was the one of the points of my post: For those whose lives are saved or significantly improved by psychotropics, there will be a pro-psychiatry sentiment. For those whose lives are damaged, the opposite will occur. I have this argument in my head all the time, and I don’t think it is resolvable because the myriad of human experiences and perceptions are as a large as the number of people alive. I just something would “work” for me so that I could feel self-reliant: have a job, own property, be in functional relationships with real friends, have career status, have certainty in my life–I have none of that. I still feel like a five year old dependent on his dysfunctional mother. That is what keeps me anxious, depressed, suicidal and filled with thoughts of vengeance and rage. Anyway, thank you both for responding so empathically to me. I really appreciate it. I just started taking Fetzima yesterday (after a so-so five-month trial on Brintellix), but I have low hopes. My psychiatrist actually encourages me to get into a therapeutic relationship with another psychodynamic therapist (which I have done in the past), but the task of finding someone to work with seems so daunting each time that I tire of doing it. I always end up feeling either violated or de-empowered or just f-ing confused by the relationship.

  • I’m so frustrated. I have a severe, severe anxiety disorder. I am crippled by thought of taking care of myself. I constantly worry about being homeless (even with my wife taking care of things), am in a constant state of humiliation, and can only “assert” myself for brief moments at a time (if you even want to call what I do “asserting myself.”) I was/am deeply damaged by my mother’s biology and her constant attacking my fragile, sensitive being when it was trying to become whole while I was growing up. In fact, I am “bonded” to her by this. So, here I am a 50-year-old “man” and everything I have tried has failed me (I would not be averse to doing something like Janov’s Primal Therapy if I had the money), but psychiatry has failed me the least, much less than nutritional supplements, yoga, tai chi, exercise, meditation, etc. etc. And right now, I’m thinking of trying Seroquel, because it seems (in studies to faire well for paranoid anxiety, which is totally my MO). But then I read something like this, and I don’t even want to take on 25mg Seroquel pill. But I also know that no amount of fish oil, vitamin D, vitamin B-12, SAM-e, passion flower, kava, St. John’s wort, 5-htp, tryptophan, GABA, ashwaganda, rhodiola rosea, and on and on will ever do anything for me. Sorry, I wish it weren’t so, but I’ve powered down the fish oil like a fiend 15-20mg at a time for weeks and months on end) and the most it has ever done for me is provide the mildest of antidepressant relief. So how are we ever to resolve this issue? Yes, psychiatry is in the dark ages and treats our conditions less than fairly. But what else do we have? Prayer? The confounding nonsense of the Book of Job? (I’m serious.) Because of my anxiety, I too feel that neo-liberalism is an evil conspiracy that favors the few brain biological “top feeders” and forces the rest of us into wage slavery (if we can even keep a job) and offers us only poisonous pills to assuage our anger at this social injustice. But if I were suddenly able to run my own successful business, would I feel the same way? I don’t know. I’m so sick of everything. I’m so humiliated that I cannot hold my own and compete with other men in the world. One of my most common secrete resentments is that most psychiatrists and psychologists don’t really want to help me because if I were well, I would be their boss. They actually like me to give my power away to them every visit, and could never deal with the amount of authority I would take over them if I were well. But I know that’s not true with my current psychiatrist. He’s the most flexible, pragmatic, “you do what you think is best for you” p-doc I’ve ever seen, even if nothing he does helps me. I’m pretty much at the end of the line for SSRIs, SNRIs, and benzos. I can now do MAOIs, AAPs, TCAs, and maybe a newer anticonvulsant (though gabapetin seemed to do nothing for me). I’m at the end of my rope. If my wife wasn’t taking care of things financially, it would be back to my dying mother for “support” (making me even more debilitated than I am now).

    And what of all the people who benefit from Seroquel with few or no side effects? I say this not in an antagonistic way, but in a curious one. I have interacted with many people who have taken AAPs for years (even decades) and they seem to have their lives enhanced, even saved, by these drugs.

    Psychiatry is just too primitive to understand what’s going on with all of us individually, but I do believe it tries its best to “help,” even if that “help” is holding up the dominant paradigm, whatever that may be at the moment (eg “homosexuality is disorder/homosexuality is not a disorder”). Whatever, I know I got a low notch on the bio-psycho totem pole and that pisses me off to no end. I just wish I could heal it because if/when that happened, my life would move in a completely different direction.

  • David:

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s very compelling. I have a couple of thoughts after reading it. My first thought is … My god, I wish that I could feel decent enough not to need something to alter my brain chemistry (or alter whatever it is inside me that is making me panicky and anxious and depressed all the time!). I’ve been on and off antidepressants for the past 15 years, and before that I was basically a walking panic attack. Though antidepressants have often not worked, when they have worked I at least had a vision of hope of what’s like to feel “normal,” to not worry about being homeless every day of my life.

    Another thought I had after reading your story is that you seem like you were pretty highly functioning before your first panic attack. I cannot imagine doing half the things you did when you were 23. I basically (in retrospect) have been in a state of constant anxiety and panic since I was a child. My mother was on and off tricyclics before she had me (this was in the 60s), and she is a mess too, so I likely inherited a terrible combination of genetics and environmental abuse that have shaped my brain into the mess that it is today. It sounds like you didn’t have issues of panic and anxiety and depression until you were in college. Perhaps if you grew up in a supportive environment, this was enough to fall back on after getting off the antidepressants. I cannot even imagine working a job full time, much less moving to another country and having a child.

    Anyway, it’s great that you found a way to feel good without the antidepressants. I am always searching for something (exercise, tai chi, yoga, the natural supplement of the hour, meditation, cognitive therapy, inner child work, and on and on) to make my anxiety go away, but nothing ever works. I am completely sympathetic to the views of people like Joseph Glenmullen, but since I am so desperate for a solution to my woes, simply pointing out the flaws of antidepressant drugs is not much of an option for me anymore.

    Chris