I had been on antidepressants since about 1995, various meds, various dosages until I thought that death would be better than this. Against my physician’s advice, I did a slow wean of meds over six months, still checking in monthly with my physician. (He had suggested a week’s wean if I thought I had to go off them.) May 2013 was my last medication. By the end of June 2013, everything in my mind fell apart. I can only describe it as the medications being a door holding back all the horrible thoughts and memories of my life, and when the memories or horror would seep in around the cracks of the door, they would add more medication. But without any medication, the door burst and I had a flood of memories and emotions that were unstoppable and not manageable. Many, many days I had to lock myself into my room to keep myself safe along with my family as I remembered things from as early as two and three years old; things I wore, events that had happened (not pleasant memories, I might add). I thought this was a new kind of hell I was going through and all through August I stayed in my room. By September, my thoughts were beginning to “calm” down and by the end of October, I found out that I was still alive. By the end of 2013, I discovered I was a human being worthy of living. It is now September, 2014, and the last 9 to 11 months have been the best months of my entire life (excepting a seven-year-period late 80’s early 90’s). I MUST tell you that my faith in God got me through those times of horror. But let me tell you this was an eye opening event because now it is clear to me why all these people who go off their medication do horrendous things to others. They are literally out of their mind. (You hear of shootings etc., and then way too often “he/she was off her meds.”) (Also by the way, I never felt like I was going to hurt someone else, but definitely would have hurt myself. Still with children in the house, I was a little disheveled to look at, and could not really take care of myself very well physically. I could not tolerate anything of the real life, thus I hid in my room.) Being on medication was NEVER as good as I am doing now; and while I cannot tell anyone to go off theirs, I know for myself I will never go back on it. I am a writer, and thus have documented most of this experience. My only regret in all of this is that I was not someone’s “study” to show the effects of antidepressant medication and the horrors of being on it and coming off of it. I can only give credit to God above, that I am even alive today. On medications, I did not want to live. Going off medications, I thought I was going to die. But NOW, I am living a healthier life than I ever have in my whole 55 years of living. (Lost weight, eat healthier, exercise, etc.) When my friend’s husband died unexpectedly at 50 years old, she became quite depressed. I advised her to NEVER begin antidepressants. Depression is horrible, I’ve documented what depression is like in my own writings, but depression on antidepressant medication is hell. Disclaimer: I am not now, nor can I ever be responsible for someone reading my words and discontinuing their medication. I cannot be responsible for someone not seeking a professional opinion regarding antidepressants or their depression. These words were intended only for the sharing of my experience and never meant to be counsel for someone else. Thank you.