I relate to the police cars. I freeze. I was innocent before but hauled of like a criminal and put in a cage. I too struggle with the before, during and after selves. Who would I have been had I been allowed to be me? That one aches in my heart daily. Wondering if my interactions with others was “normal” because I still don’t know what I did wrong to be punished to begin with. I was just honest. It is bittersweet to hear that I am not alone in this struggle to now figure out where and how I belong. I also feel that if there was validation and an “I’m so sorry” by those who directed and completed those assaults on my very being, I would not be so afraid of the world. But all I have ever heard is baseless justifications. I hear you Cat. I believe you. I wish for all of us to find our place and some peace in this world.