Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Comments by MomofADHDSuperhero

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  • Although I will concede that ADHD is over diagnosed that does not mean it is not real….children do come in all different sizes, abilities, and personalities…however children affected by ADHD are not just unique in their make-up – they are unique in how they do anything – my daughter has severe combined ADHD – I say SEVERE and i mean it!! She has no impulse control at all…she has had staples in her head multiple times because being hurt once, twice even three times doesn’t register for her as “hey don’t do that”. She isn’t stupid….I swear in fact she tests off the charts for our area, 30-50 points higher than our district averages. She can orally answer any question you ask her about schoolwork, or a book she read (even if she read it a year ago) but it takes her HOURS to write out 14 spelling words, do 20 math questions and 1 3 line reading log – by hours I mean some nights homework takes 6 hours…that’s supervised homework, in a quiet area, no distractions and being reminded to focus anywhere from 1 to 100 times in a single night. Reading a 20 page book about something she isn’t interested in can take a week of being told, reminded, begged, cajoled, bribed and yelled at to do her damn homework…however she will read a 10 chapter book in 3 or 4 hours if she is interested in it and no one interrupts her. Her chores – picking up laundry, sorting laundry, putting her dishes in the kitchen, picking up her toys can take HOURS sometimes her whole Saturday is a battle of the wills to get her chores done before she can do something fun….however if she comes across a packet of colored paperclips she can happily play with them for 12 hour forgetting to eat if not reminded (literally having to get in her face to get her attention). There there is anger and impulse control that comes with knowing to use your words not your fists when someone bumps into you, or is bugging you with questions (think lil annoying sister) although my daughter has gotten better in the last year with her temper tantrums and her anger it is still an issue one minute she can be all sunshine and happy with lego’s and then all of a sudden a tornado of anger over a block can take 30 minutes to calm down over. Other times she can’t see the forest for the trees, someone at school being mean, teasing and bullying her she doesn’t understand that it isn’t a friendly joke between friends (think 3 years of horrid teasing over her uniqueness and shes only 9) then coming home and crying no one likes me, even when i talk to them about things they like, they turn their back and laugh at me…she can’t sit still (ever) she chews everything – her hair, finger and toe nails – the collars of her shirts – toys – pencils – even the side of her bed if it fits in her mouth she will chew it…..any of these things on their own is NOT an issue…however all combined makes for one hell of a stacked deck against you!

    My daughter is a superhero – between routines – reminders – and medication she is able to live a mostly normal life. She has a social worker to help her with her emotions and making friends. She has an amazing teacher who helped put an end to bullying in the classroom this year when she witnessed first hand the type or bullying that was happening. She has a school team that is willing and able to accommodate her as needed and they are flexible about what works and what doesn’t. She has a mom in her corner that is strong and firm when needed (battle of the wills), yet kind and gentle when needed(think emotionally upset over something the rest of us wouldn’t bat an eyelash at).

    However there is one thing my daughter will never be able to battle or overcome….that is people like you! She can’t make you see that being different is okay but that needing help is okay too. You wouldn’t deny a diabetic child insulin, you wouldn’t deny an asthmatic child their inhaler, you wouldn’t deny a seeing impaired child their glasses….why would you deny children who are struggling just to be happy and to function somewhat normally the right to do so without your blind judgement and hatred and assumptions that you know better than the thousands of parents out there!!

    Until you live with an ADHD child you have NO CLUE what you are talking about. Having ADHD is not the same as parenting a child with ADHD. My daughter is amazing, smart, funny, loving and caring…she however was a TERROR to live with before her diagnosis and eventually her medication. I couldn’t leave her alone in a room she could get hurt climbing shelves, jumping off of beds, hanging out the window or she could hurt her little sisters in a fit of anger…I wasn’t a mom i was a warden before she was diagnosed. My daughter has no idea how she affects the rest of us, she doesn’t see or understand her younger sisters intense jealousy over discipline, time, and ability. She doesn’t know that some nights i cry for hours agonizing over a way to get her to do her homework in an hour liek her peers instead of 3 hours. She doesn’t see her father struggle to control his own frustration when she has a battle of wills over her refusing to eat her sandwich because there is jam or honey on it even if she asked for it…or how our extended family thinks she just needs a good spanking to learn to behave…

    So until you parent a child with ADHD…do everyone a favor and BE KIND or BE QUIET…in fact do both!!