Monday, February 24, 2020

Comments by rccola777

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  • Hi. I am totally with you here in believing in a holistic approach to mental illness.

    I want to tell my story and see what you think, about my roommate who is in a mental hospital right now.

    To start off, I am a very meloncholy, and people who know me might think I am a pessimist, and I don’t have a lot of self esteem, I was sexually abused as a kid, and haven’t really made amends. My roommate has been my best friend for 5 years, and his father was diagnosed bi-polar. 6 years ago, he came home to see his father on the ground, just passed away from a heart attack. He tried CPR, but it was at least an hour too late, and it didn’t work. He has always been very emotional (maybe not before I met him, but at least after his father passed away).

    He moved here to live with his brother and abandoned his past and lived with his brother for about a year, his brother’s wife was very controlling and always pushing him to get a job and a career and go to college, etc. He became on EMT and tried that out but gave up because he wasn’t saving many lives, and it was too much to handle. His sister in law then eventually kicked him out, and he got an apartment.

    His friend from his home town moved in with him, and eventually left while he was at work because “he couldn’t stand living with him” (he hasn’t said why exactly). We had known each other as acquaintances for a bit and I offered to help him out with his rent and live there. He got a job as a delivery driver until his boss thought he was lying about his car being in the shop, and got fired. We moved to another apartment when that lease was up, and I told him that I am bi-sexual, and that I liked him. I asked him if he was possibly as well, and he said no, but we have been roommates and best friends since for the last three years, but he can’t get past the fact that I like him.

    In our new apartment, he was living off of his passed away father’s pension and retirement fund, and I was working. He suffered a somewhat major concussion when he fell off a skateboard and split the back of his head open, doing some damage to his frontal lobe, including eliminating his sense of smell entirely. Some months later, my dad who lives in Florida asked us to drive his car to him and come vacation and he’d fly us back. As we were leaving town, he smashed his phone and said that he didn’t want “them” watching him, and I guess my friend had other plans than to go to Florida. It was just in the middle of winter when we left and our first stop was the strip club.. He loves the strip club way too much. His grandma just passed away and he was given 10,000. He spent a thousand on private rooms and all that and we hadn’t even made it out of town yet. We then drove into kentucky where he had started going absolutely “manic”. Whatever you want to believe about the term, it was still how he was acting.

    He said he wanted to teach me patience and drove in circles for 3 hours around a national park, and then backed the car up to the lake cliffside, nearly knocking us into the lake. He was claiming he could talk to the shadow people in the forest, and that we were going to camp with them. After being thoroughly terrified, he drove into a nearby neighborhood and right into someones backyard. We left a few minutes later, and the owner of the house chased us down and pointed a shotgun at us. He laughed at the guy and said sorry, and drove off.

    Then he got beer out, and started drinking and driving ( all of this despite my nervous breakdown about chilling out and stop trying to get us killed ), when we were pulled over by a cop who was called by the guy who’s house we parked at. Apparently, his license had been suspended or expired (still don’t know personally). So the cop (who was very understanding and didnt give him a DUI or book him), impounded my dads car, and took us to a hotel. So now my dad’s car is stuck in Kentucky, and us at a hotel. He became convinced somehow that the hotel clerk was something like an agent Smith from the matrix, and was going to try to kill us, and that the hotel was full of cameras, and started talking about satan and demons all over the place. I didn’t sleep much that night, neither did he, but I wasn’t buying it.

    The next day, he wanted to go around town since we had to check out of the hotel. He became enamored with the idea that I don’t like myself and said that I should die here in kentucky, and ran away from me. I had no money, and no phone at the time, my car had been impounded and had no way to get home or to Florida. I contemplated walking into the woods and just laying there to die. But eventually I found him, screaming at teenagers walking home from school. I convinced him to stop and he said he wanted to find a lawyer for the ticket he got the night before. We talked to a lawyer but eventually they kicked us out of the office for him being too abrasive and scary. Then he went to an att store and bought a new phone. The whole town seemed on alert of us being there and were scared of him. He finally decided that we would get a taxi to the nearest grayhound bus and go home, not caring about what to do about my dads care anymore and gave up. So we went home and my dad hasn’t trusted me since.

    We have fought about that ever since, but I didn’t even consider a mental illness to be the cause, I just thought he was pretending or acting or something, because I didn’t think mental illness was anything more than distress. About 2 months ago, he had surgery on his leg, and couldn’t move much for the first two weeks, and he was watching a lot of religious documentaries about buddha and christianity and stuff, as well as dealing with pain in his leg. Since then, he had begun getting really paranoid again, lost 30 lbs, and began acting “manic” again. I told him I did not want to follow him in his fearful path, and he broke. I will tell you right now I have always been supportive and talked to him about his emotions and have gotten really deeply connected. I am a deep person, and we have deep conversations, I do not ignore his feelings at all, and am as empathetic as one can try to be. I feel his pain about his father’s death, and about his leg, and we love each other as brothers. But he flipped out.

    He decided to try to let my dog run away and jump on the neighbors out the front door, and started throwing a knife at my car. I told him that he had to leave, but he didn’t listen and just waltzed back in. After freaking out about him letting the dog free, he laughed at me, with pupils dilated as if he was on LSD, and went outside to start screaming at my neighbor about god and the devil and judas and jesus. My neighbor hasn’t talked to me since. I tried to call all of his friends to come and chill him out and talk to him, none of them answered. So I called his brother and his wife, who answered. He was still screaming at the neighbor. When he came back inside I warned him that she was coming, and that if she saw him that she would probably take him to a mental place, and that he should leave if he didn’t want to go. I didn’t want him to go to a mental health place, I just wanted him to get away from me because he tried to let my dog run away.

    He declined leaving, saying he was not going to run, and then right before his sister and law walked in, he looked at me (incredibly fearful) and said “we need to leave, NOW!” and she walked in. She convinced him to go to the ER, and lied to him and said they will not force him to stay. I knew it was a lie, but I let them go because I figured he knew that too and would not let it happen. I guess he didn’t, and ended up staying for four days. When he got out I welcomed him back and, understandably, he was incredibly traumatized by being there. Now it is three weeks later. Every day in the past three weeks he has stayed in “manic mode”, and had stayed up for 3 days straight when he came back. He refused all drugs they wanted to give him, so he was never under the influence of psych meds.

    Every day things have gotten worse. He could talk faster than I could process the sounds, going on and on about numerology, and about how crazy he was. He said he was embracing psychosis and going to stay that way, and every day he has done incredibly terrifying things. He has broken or smashed almost everything that can be in the house, one minute he says he trusts me, loves me, that I’m his best friend and the next he says he hates me, that I’m evil for not being straight, that I’m possessed by demons, and that he is as well. Some times there was clarity in what he was saying, sometimes absolute unprovoked rage toward strangers, me, my dog, my family, and his own.

    He was banned from a BP gas station, banned from 2 bars, banned from seeing his nephew because the nanny thought he was going to kill her. He smashed his phone again, threw his socks at people, screamed and cursed at innocent people on the street, and jumped out of my car in traffic. When I tried to tell him to leave for a few days and stay somewhere else he told me he would just break a window if I locked a door on him. He even almost ran over his own mother driving away. He cut himself on accident many times by breaking things or grabbing the broken glass from things he’d broken. The whole time we’ve known each other I tried to listen to his problems and try to help him talk through it because I still didn’t believe in mental illness.

    Just yesterday, he flipped out in front of our friend’s mom after he stole my phone and texted my mom hateful things while screaming at everyone “fuck you bitch” and things like that, and our friend’s got a baby, and she banned him from being there. My mom would not let me bring him back home after she got the texts, and then he decided to go back to the hospital.

    What is the right course of action in my situation?! I’ve been on the verge of a nervous breakdown ever since the mania came back around, whether its biological or not doesn’t matter to me. We really are truly best friends and he still believes it, and so do I, or I would have given up a long time ago. I love my bud, and I want him to heal, with or without meds, but going the no meds route has not been working, I can’t change his past or stop him from burning bridges that he wants to drive on later, but I cannot abandon him either. I just don’t know what to do. I know for sure meds won’t solve the whole problem, but we have been working on getting full nights of sleep every night (he just can’t sleep sometimes for days..), eating healthy and balanced meals, breathing and meditation, but his thoughts keep making him paranoid and terrified of everything, turning him from my best friend to someone who attempts to terrorize me for being nearby when the thoughts come.. (which is every hour sometimes)

    Even with all of the non-drug approaches, it is getting worse because he is scaring more people, losing more friends, losing hope for the future, and getting banned from everywhere. No matter what I do to reason with him to at least not trample over everyone else in the world, he won’t listen and doesn’t realize or care how he is being perceived, and then still expects people to welcome him. I know he cares deep down, its like a waves runs over him, he doesn’t trust himself, and feels like he is uncontrollable when he is like this. What would you all do? He really doesn’t like the idea of meds either. I don’t want him to be a zombie, but I want him to be able to live life as well, and there is no way he could get on an airplane or get a job the way he gets. His blood pressure is nearing 190/90 when he is worked up, and stays worked up for 24+ hours at a time. If he doesn’t accidentally hurt someone or himself, he may die of a heart attack. 🙁