Thursday, June 24, 2021

Comments by Tess

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  • My job in a flower shop requires me to interact, all day long, with people who are celebrating life events or sympathizing with great loss and sorrow. As a bereaved mother, you can imagine how especially difficult Mother’s Day events are for me to cope with all day. Yesterday, I came home from work to find two pieces of mail; one an invitation to a Parent’s Without Partners group that my daughter (only child) and I belonged to when she was young. We had shared many happy camping trips with these people, but lost touch over the years when she grew up and the group dissolved. Most of them are unaware of her death. The second piece of mail was from the state’s Office Of Victim and Survivor Rights And Services, informing me in a very, business-like manner of the “expected release date” for the man who killed my daughter.

    The combination of the day and those two pieces of mail brought me to my knees in a wave of grief and despair that lasted the rest of the night. Today has been no picnic either, and tonight, I was sitting at my table, wondering if I am going to be able to make it through this… thinking about all those who think it’s time I “moved on” or “got closure” (it’s been 19 months) … and all those “friends” who completely disappeared from my life because they are too uncomfortable or don’t know what to say. Then my computer ‘dinged’ and I saw this article, sent to me by another bereaved mother somewhere across the country. A mother who I’ve never met in person or spoken with outside a few emails. A mother who knows exactly how I feel, and how many other bereaved parents feel and took it upon herself to send me this – at just the right moment.

    The fourth day after my daughter was killed, I went to my Dr. with chest pain; within minutes he sent me home with prescriptions for anxiety and depression. I didn’t need those pills then and I don’t need them now. I needed exactly what Stephen Gilbert said above. And occasionally, on days like yesterday and today, I need to read articles like this and be reassured that I am a normal, grieving mother and there is no time limit on this kind of grief and pain. We live in one of the most screwed up societies on this planet and I can’t help but think all these prescriptions and drugs are, generally speaking, doing us more harm than good. (Yes I’m aware of the exceptions.)