Madisme, have you thought of going (secretly or privately) to counseling (not faith based), the counselors have to keep your information private. Or try an out of town facility (summer vacation time) to get back on the right path but have medical supervision. Most “new ACA” individual health insurance plans cover this type of treatment. I personally would like going away for a “vacation” and being removed from normal environment and just go all in to get myself on track. Then when you return you will be armed with the right information and expectations, to continue your tapering off medication at home for the following months. Its not a quick easy process. No magic pill to fix withdrawals.