Hi Elizabeth – Thank you for this post, I found it so moving and have shared it with the people I work with as a reminder to always see and attend to the person. I agree with you totally that people with passion, love, intensity and innocence are so often crushed, when the qualities that they are giving are the ones they need in return.
The, them and us, dynamic is so interesting and people’s views so changeable and confused in my experience, perhaps that is because that is the true nature of humans. We are looking always for clues that indicate we are okay, and clear opinions and beliefs give something to hold on to even if they fly in the face of reality and what internally we feel or know to be really true.
Anyway thanks again and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Thank you Berta – I agree that the language we use and specific words are so powerful and that this power is so subtly part of our everyday lives. Taking a little time to reflect on these words is something I find helpful and at times hilarious as so many are completely crazy when you break them down. I laugh at myself and can say “what were you thinking Matthew”!
Hi Someone Else – Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate you taking the time to feedback and I hope that what I write is at least a very little counterbalance to the oppression that the system so often inflicts upon people. I think that is probably makes me want to write as I have to feel that I am trying to do something.
I agree that the way that people are so quick to judge and make their judgments based on power, money and industry demands is very frightening. My experience is that many people working in the system would be horrified if they really appreciated that this is what they are doing, but what makes it more possible is that these people really do care and think that they are helping.
I have experienced and witnessed so many ways that this seduction takes place and can say that it is powerful and so seductive for a lot of people.
I think we need to change the language and challenge the words that seduce others, I would be happy to see an end to the industries that have been created upon human distress. I try wherever possible not to talk about mental health as I think that this term keeps feelings and emotions within a context of the industries that make some feelings good and others bad.
Perhaps all feelings are perfect. Not all easy and comfortable but usually appropriate when seen within the context of our lives.
Thanks for your comment John. In your work you probably get to see into homes from a very different angle.
I agree that authorities struggle to know what to do, I sometimes wonder whether this is because this is an issue where it is hard to keep a focus on the person because peoples attention is always drawn to the stuff and it can be shocking and overwhelming. Many workers I have met are as overwhelmed as the house holder as they don’t know where to start in dealing with the amount of possessions. In this instant my approach is exactly the same, to listen and focus on how they are feeling and showing them compassion, empathy and help them to see that anything is possible it we get the relationships and mind set right.
Hi The Cat – thank you for your comments. In the UK we have also had several TV Shows about “hoarding” and they make me very uncomfortable and I don’t really watch them. There is even one where they arrange for people who have been told that they are OCD to go and clean in homes where people are called “hoarders”, I can’t bring myself to watch this as it makes me angry and the whole premise of it is offensive in my opinion.
I agree with you that labeling and judging people in this way leaves them vulnerable to other aspects of the state that do not take the time to listen and understand.
Hopefully my blog advocates taking time to listen, to being more compassionate and appreciating that however our issues manifest we need relationships where people understand that things may have happened in our lives that we are struggling to deal with.
Hi Rossa – Thank you for the comments, I am really happy to have a MIA first! Many people I meet when they first talk about themselves they say that they are a hoarder, and then when I ask them what this means to them they say something like, no I am not really a hoarder I am a collector. They clearly see the word “hoarder” as a negative perception that they are aware people would give them, but they don’t like it and want to reject it. I am happy when they reject the word hoarder as I think we all struggle with other people’s perception of us, and we can get closer to being kind and compassionate to ourselves if we choose the words that describe who we are. Often taking a kinder approach to ourselves and changing our internal discussions to ones which reassure and encourage means we can address challenges quite differently. I have found this in myself, I have an inner critic which isn’t always kind, I have found that it isn’t always wrong but it could be a bit kinder in the way that it delivers its observations!
Thank you Emily, I found this piece moving, really interesting and so helpful.
Please keep writing.
Good luck with what you are doing.
Matthew
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Hi Elizabeth – Thank you for this post, I found it so moving and have shared it with the people I work with as a reminder to always see and attend to the person. I agree with you totally that people with passion, love, intensity and innocence are so often crushed, when the qualities that they are giving are the ones they need in return.
The, them and us, dynamic is so interesting and people’s views so changeable and confused in my experience, perhaps that is because that is the true nature of humans. We are looking always for clues that indicate we are okay, and clear opinions and beliefs give something to hold on to even if they fly in the face of reality and what internally we feel or know to be really true.
Anyway thanks again and I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Best wishes
Matthew
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Hi Mad in Canada – thank you for your comments, I am sure that in all relationships some tolerance and understanding goes along way.
All the best
Matthew
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Thank you Berta – I agree that the language we use and specific words are so powerful and that this power is so subtly part of our everyday lives. Taking a little time to reflect on these words is something I find helpful and at times hilarious as so many are completely crazy when you break them down. I laugh at myself and can say “what were you thinking Matthew”!
Thanks
Matthew
Report comment
Hi Someone Else – Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate you taking the time to feedback and I hope that what I write is at least a very little counterbalance to the oppression that the system so often inflicts upon people. I think that is probably makes me want to write as I have to feel that I am trying to do something.
I agree that the way that people are so quick to judge and make their judgments based on power, money and industry demands is very frightening. My experience is that many people working in the system would be horrified if they really appreciated that this is what they are doing, but what makes it more possible is that these people really do care and think that they are helping.
I have experienced and witnessed so many ways that this seduction takes place and can say that it is powerful and so seductive for a lot of people.
I think we need to change the language and challenge the words that seduce others, I would be happy to see an end to the industries that have been created upon human distress. I try wherever possible not to talk about mental health as I think that this term keeps feelings and emotions within a context of the industries that make some feelings good and others bad.
Perhaps all feelings are perfect. Not all easy and comfortable but usually appropriate when seen within the context of our lives.
Thanks again
Matthew
Report comment
Thanks for your comment John. In your work you probably get to see into homes from a very different angle.
I agree that authorities struggle to know what to do, I sometimes wonder whether this is because this is an issue where it is hard to keep a focus on the person because peoples attention is always drawn to the stuff and it can be shocking and overwhelming. Many workers I have met are as overwhelmed as the house holder as they don’t know where to start in dealing with the amount of possessions. In this instant my approach is exactly the same, to listen and focus on how they are feeling and showing them compassion, empathy and help them to see that anything is possible it we get the relationships and mind set right.
Thanks again for posting
Matthew
Report comment
Hi The Cat – thank you for your comments. In the UK we have also had several TV Shows about “hoarding” and they make me very uncomfortable and I don’t really watch them. There is even one where they arrange for people who have been told that they are OCD to go and clean in homes where people are called “hoarders”, I can’t bring myself to watch this as it makes me angry and the whole premise of it is offensive in my opinion.
I agree with you that labeling and judging people in this way leaves them vulnerable to other aspects of the state that do not take the time to listen and understand.
Hopefully my blog advocates taking time to listen, to being more compassionate and appreciating that however our issues manifest we need relationships where people understand that things may have happened in our lives that we are struggling to deal with.
Thanks again for posting.
Matthew
Report comment
Hi Rossa – Thank you for the comments, I am really happy to have a MIA first! Many people I meet when they first talk about themselves they say that they are a hoarder, and then when I ask them what this means to them they say something like, no I am not really a hoarder I am a collector. They clearly see the word “hoarder” as a negative perception that they are aware people would give them, but they don’t like it and want to reject it. I am happy when they reject the word hoarder as I think we all struggle with other people’s perception of us, and we can get closer to being kind and compassionate to ourselves if we choose the words that describe who we are. Often taking a kinder approach to ourselves and changing our internal discussions to ones which reassure and encourage means we can address challenges quite differently. I have found this in myself, I have an inner critic which isn’t always kind, I have found that it isn’t always wrong but it could be a bit kinder in the way that it delivers its observations!
Report comment