Thursday, June 4, 2020

Comments by cait

Showing 2 of 2 comments.

  • Thank you for your quick response. When researching and trying to understand what happened to me and why, or what I can do to get better, I find two opposite ends of the spectrum; strictly psychiatric must be medicated, or hippy new age energy work, etc. I have found very little middle ground or anything outside of this range of thought, it seems like these two ends of the spectrum are in conflict with each other, and I don’t feel that either extreme has helped me. Are their any resources you could direct me to that are open to an honest discussion of mental illness challenges and treatment that do not impose one sided ideas?

  • Hi, I am bipolar. My mom is also bipolar (undiagnosed/unaware and completely in denial) my diagnosis has helped me understand a lot about my past, it has helped me understand my mom better and come to terms with some of the things that happened growing up with her. I found your “bipolar or waking up” videos when I was going through my psychosis and it helped me through a very difficult time. I am past the psychosis, so its easy for me to think I’m fine now, but in the past few months, I’ve been hearing from multiple people that I have not been myself lately, I’m acting different, I’m mopey all the time or I’m always angry at them… To the point where I completely blew up at my boyfriend and we almost broke up. I have seen my mom destroy so many relationships beyond repair until nobody is left because nobody knows how to deal with her and she can be very hurtful. I am afraid I’m doing the same because I see so many of these patterns in my own behavior. I am terrified of the psychiatric industry, I have had doctors bully me into taking medication which gave me horrible reactions. I went back to counseling when multiple friends told me they were concerned, and he is supportive of alternative treatments… I feel like I am doing everything I can, but sometimes I just want to die and I think I should just check myself into a mental hospital or be medicated so I don’t hurt the people I love anymore and end up losing them. I feel like I ruin everything, and I don’t want to do that anymore but I don’t know how to just turn it off or make it stop, and it’s not fair to expect everyone else to put up with it. The videos helped me through my psychosis, but they don’t address the long lasting issues that come later, there are no answers for these things. The shades of awakening talks were very interesting to listen to, but some of the subject matter reminded me too much of the fake shamans and spiritual advisors who took advantage of my mom and what little money she had… It’s a little frightening for me. When my mind started to cross over into the spiritual world, I had to make the decision to come back because that is not my place yet. I had to decide that this is where I exist and where my body lives, so this is where I need to survive. I can’t let my mind go to that place because its not my time to die. When my body dies, I will be a part of that world but I can’t exists in both. I miss seeing those things, and it makes me sad that I can’t see that anymore, but there are other frightening things that I never want to experience again. The shades of awakening interviews discussed being called as a healer, but I don’t know how I could possibly heal anyone when I haven’t even healed myself, and I can’t even tell if I’m well. How can I help anyone heal when it takes everything I have just to get through each day?