Saturday, September 18, 2021

Comments by becca

Showing 3 of 3 comments.

  • Hi there, michalosier,

    Everyone has to make their own decision to start back on the drug that, in all honesty, put us in the position we’re in—we go on these meds with the best intentions: to help ourselves crawl out of the muck, or, if not out, then to be able to manage our lives while in the muck. When we decide, for whatever personal reasons, to stop the meds, we’re completely unprepared for what’s lurking around the corner. I’ve been off sertraline now for a little over 4 months and do not feel completely back to “me.” It has improved, and there seem to be stages of feeling like nothing will ever make me feel joy again, to those glimpses of hey, i recognize that person.
    I agree with Laura who said if you’re not lying on the floor screaming, you’re a lucky one. The spectrum of emotions that, being left without our fix, we encounter is beyond being able to describe to someone who’s not going through it. For me, it’s been the anger. Everything can be going just fine and then, bam, rage. Apologizing to the cats, the poor things, simply because they’re in the vicinity and somehow that is a trigger. Or the opposite: the sobbing for no reason.
    But I’ve picked the brains of some authors I work with (I proofread medical journals) and know that, unfortunately, it takes time. And patience. And more time. Things we humans don’t have an excess of. Some of the comments I’ve read while trying to figure out if this is only happening to me tell me it can take a very long time. Super frustrating. But you’re not alone—keeping a journal has helped, as has trying to identify what triggers me. Breathing. And more breathing. Music, ie, losing yourself for a spell.
    I’ve found a lot of encouragement from this site: https://npanth.wordpress.com, in terms of realizing that a lot of what I’m feeling/experiencing “isn’t real.” It is, of course—the brain is incredibly hard to fool, isn’t it?—but in the moment, this too shall pass. There’s also tons of info about reinstating.
    And yes, the damn shame of this is that withdrawal syndrome is either so new, or so unrecognized as being a real issue, that we end up feeling more crazy, out of control, never to reach the other side. My doctor, when I told her I’d stopped taking my meds and let loose the maelstrom I’d started experiencing, actually said to me “I hope to never experience it firsthand.” So you kind of feel like you’re being punished, in the long run, for trying to help yourself.
    I can only extend to you my honest hope that you might one day get back to you, the familiar you. I’m right here with you (so many of us are), and it freaking sucks. But it will get better. Whoever termed them baby steps was pretty right on.

    I hope this helps, even just a little bit. Very good luck to you!
    Becca

  • Hi everyone, and finally good to see i’m not alone. I went on zoloft last summer after feeling so very I need something (work stress, being the sole income earner, etc) to get me through this. 50 mg…Had luck with it for years and years, which is why i asked to go back on. Also should note that in 2009 i stopped my original zoloft, cold turkey. No problems at all—-
    This year, at the end of May while visiting my husband’s parents, looking in the mirror I’d become unrecognizable due to how much weight i’d gained. Made me feel worse than the initial depression. Decided to start tapering and then go off the drug. I tapered until June 13, my last official dose (half dose). It wasn’t immediate that I started feeling like Sybil (or 3 Faces of Eve). Rage, then crying for no reason at all (things are good in my life—i can see that), but it is incredibly difficult to tell myself This isn’t me that’s so angry for any little thing. Heart palpitations because of anxiety.
    My physician was in disbelief that I’m going through this, I guess she didn’t know such a phenomenon existed? And why didn’t i go through this when i quit cold turkey…So many questions, when you just want to uncover the You you know is under there. When will I feel “normal,” which of course no one is 100% normal, are they? (see, the humor is there but…)
    That said, good luck to all of us!