Thursday, December 9, 2021

Comments by Foccxxy

Showing 1 of 1 comments.

  • I believe what you believe. Since I was a teenager I was labeled as “bipolar”. The truth is I’ve had chronic fatigue most of my life. I was always tired and to my mother that meant I was depressed. She would always wake me up early and I would yell at her. When she took me to the doctor they said I was bipolar. Little did they both know I had experienced some trauma when I was 15.

    As an adult I was treated with every cocktail imaginable for bipolar disorder. These medications would sometimes make me suicidal. I would go to an inpatient facility and have a doctrine of self improvement shoved down my throat.

    The cocktails didn’t work. The therapy didn’t work.

    One day I was diagnosed with Hypersomnia and placed on stimulants. I found out that my bad attitude faded away into oblivion on these stimulants. I had the energy to do things. My mood improved significantly. I was on them for 4 years until I had a mental health crisis.

    I was in not one, but two abusive relationships back to back. The latter called police on me for painting walls that he gave me permission to paint. I refused to say anything to police officers and they took it as me having a mental breakdown instead of seeing it as exercising my rights. They forced me to seek mental health treatment.

    After two weeks of being trapped in this facility I had a mental breakdown. I was talking to my boyfriend at the time about it. He said that I needed the help they had to offer. He told me that if I didn’t get treatment he would kick me out. Keep in mind this man could yell at me so loud the neighbors would hear. I was the one with the history so obviously I’m the problem not him. So I told them that I would be willing to accept their treatment.

    Little did I know it was the worst decision I ever made in my life.

    Because I decided to accept their diagnosis that meant I could no longer be on stimulants. I was falling asleep during the most inappropriate times because it was like my fatigue got worse with age. Stimulants are contraindicated with bipolar medication is what my therapist told me initially. Near the end of my court ordered treatment she changed her tune and said that stimulants were contraindicated with her diagnosis.

    I had an incident where I had to work a labor job. That boyfriend ended up kicking me out anyway. I was the most fatigued I had ever been in my life. I had worked in an office most of my life and I wasn’t used to the hot weather of Arizona. I would crawl up the stairs because I was tired and in pain ever day for two weeks. I fell asleep on a slide at the park because my daughter wanted to go play. I fell asleep while parking my car and my car hit a building.

    I told this to my sleep specialist and my psychiatrist. My sleep specialist told me there wasn’t anything he could do until the psychiatrist cleared me to be back on stimulants. The psychiatrist asked me to see a neurologist to see if there was any other treatment I could receive. The neurologist sided with the sleep specialist and said the only treatment was stimulants. The psychiatrist wanted me to see another neurologist to see if I had narcolepsy.

    We had a diagnosis before all of this started. It was hypersomnia. I don’t understand why I need another label to be able to take my much needed stimulants. As if being labeled with a life-long mental disability isn’t enough the psychiatrist wants an additional label that might hinder me from driving. Yeah that’s going to make me feel better.

    I feel like all psychiatrists have done is hurt my mental health. They try to force me to take their treatment because they know me better than I know myself. When I try to confront them I’m they say I’m in denial.

    The neurologist and sleep specialist are on one side about my treatment and the psychiatrists are on the other side.

    To be honest I’m on the side of the neurologists and sleep specialist. I agree with them that it’s just Hypersomnia. They shouldn’t have to change their diagnosis to make my psychiatrist happy. I’ve never seen doctors disagree with each other in my life.

    I’m mad because I’m tired. Like a toddler way past it’s nap time I’m just tired and not happy about it.