Saturday, April 17, 2021

Comments by Celestevt

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  • I have felt suicidal many times, beginning at the age of 15, made several attempts, and happily I now have these feelings much less frequently. At one time in my life, I found myself in a situation with severe legal, moral and financial ramifications, and I felt that I could not tolerate the pain and the consequences of this situation. I could not find any help or any way out.. All other times the wish to die has come from loneliness, from being alone, being unable to connect with another person, unable to feel a connection, left out, isolated. As I get older, the intense need and desire to connect doesn’t really diminish, but I am better able to (1) see some of this loneliness as existential, as a result of my human condition, and (2) to be happier with more informal contacts, like being part of a group in which people get along and are kind to each other, being in a class with those who share interests, the conversations at the bus stop and so forth. Some of my struggle has had to do with depression, some with my skills at making connections, and some I cannot explain. I take offense at experts who “know” why people commit suicide. I think that they are projecting their own ideas, and that they never knew the individual people they are talking about, each of whom had a life of their own. I think there will always be people who take their lives, who make that choice, but I also think that we can make better efforts to help others figure out and find what they need.