My son is dead. He hanged himself at 17 but meh… whatever… that’s yesterday’s news and I’m totally over it now.
I don’t long for my child or feel any sorrow or pain. Actually I hardly think about him or his death any more. I completely accept what has happened and am fine watching the odd hanging on TV. I know the world is a wonderful place and that people can be trusted. I have forgiven the doctors whose actions resulted in Toran’s death. I’ve adapted to not being a mother any more and don’t get upset when I have to tick the box on a form saying I have no children. I feel my life holds great purpose and I keep myself busy skipping around in fields of flowers sprinkling glitter on sad people and kissing little kittens.
I’m normal.
I most certainly don’t suffer Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), the new mental disorder proposed for DSM-V. I’m not one of those crazy bereaved mums who do insane things like crying over their dead child.
I’m ever so glad the APA has realised that the lunatics who experience the symptoms of prolonged grief, need rounding up and treating. Particularly those super-crazy ones who are bitter that their normal healthy kids ended up dead as a result of mental health treatment.
Here are the criteria for the newly proposed Prolonged Grief Disorder
A. The individual experienced the death of a close family member or close friend at least 12 months ago. In the case of bereaved children, the death may have occurred at least 6 months ago.
B. Since the death, at least one of the following symptoms is experienced on more days than not and to a clinically significant degree:
- Persistent yearning/longing for the deceased. In young children, yearning may be expressed in play and behavior, including separation-reunion behavior with caregivers
- Intense sorrow and emotional pain in response to the death
- Preoccupation with the deceased
- Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death. In children, this preoccupation with the deceased may be expressed through the themes of play and behavior and may extend to preoccupation with possible death of others close to them.
C. Since the death, at least six of the following symptoms are experienced on more days than not and to a clinically significant degree:
Reactive distress to the death:
- Marked difficulty accepting the death. (Note: In children, this is dependent on the child’s capacity to comprehend the meaning and permanence of death.)
- Feeling shocked, stunned, or emotionally numb over the loss
- Difficulty with positive reminiscing about the deceased
- Bitterness or anger related to the loss
- Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to the deceased or the death (e.g., self-blame)
- Excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss (e.g., avoidance of individuals, places, or situations associated with the deceased). (Note: in children, this may include avoidance of thoughts and feelings regarding the deceased.)
Social/Identity Disruption:
7. A desire to die in order to be with the deceased
8. Difficulty trusting other individuals since the death
9. Feeling alone or detached from other individuals since the death
10. Feeling that life is meaningless or empty without the deceased or the belief that one cannot function without the deceased
11. Confusion about one’s role in life or a diminished sense of one’s identity (e.g., feeling that a part of oneself died with the deceased)
12. Difficulty or reluctance to pursue interests since the loss or to plan for the future (e.g., friendships, activities)
Hell, crazy doesn’t even begin to cover it!
Now I know some of you anti-psychiatry types will mutter about medicalisation of normal human emotions but you need to know that very clever and important researchers have found PGD leads to cancer, heart trouble, high blood pressure, suicidal ideation, and changes in eating habits.[1] And while you might think this is because when you’re grieving doctors dismiss any physical pain as being a ‘grief reaction’ and don’t properly investigate and treat medical conditions…that’s just because you’re a scientologist.
Apparently the APA have carefully considered the risks of pathologising grief but because they are such wonderful caring people, they are prepared to take that risk to avoid the worse risk that the bereaved miss out on treatment for their lunatic behaviour.
If you’ve read the literature on treatment for prolonged grief, you will know that neither CBT, IPT or group therapy provide any statistically significant benefits to the bereaved and have in fact been shown to be iatrogenic but that treatment with antidepressants is promising.[2]
Pharmacological treatment of course has the added benefits of opening up a new market for pharmaceutical companies and providing lucrative research opportunities for psychiatrists. And if you can’t see the benefits of this…you have obviously been captured by the church of scientology.
According to recent research in the PGD field “when [a] close person dies, roles, goals, personal attributes, and other aspects of the self that the lost person co-defined, subsequently can become unclear, fragmented, and unstable.[3] Researchers have found this most common in parents who lose a child particularly when the death is sudden and violent.
Imagine!
Your only child dies and your roles, goals and sense of who you are become uncertain!
Total madness, obviously. What we in New Zealand would describe as being a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
Dr. Katherine Shear, Professor of Psychiatry at the Columbia University School of Social Work in New York and her colleagues know how silly and crazy this is. In a recent paper which considered whether prolonged grief met the criteria for a treatable mental disorder, they identified that about 10% of bereaved people develop complicated grief, and decided that persistent feelings of disbelief and anger, a sense of emptiness, suicidal thoughts, estrangement from other people warrant treatment.[4]
They concluded that “a new category of complicated grief is needed in DSM-5” and suggested that the management of bereaved people can be improved by this and other modifications in DSM-5.” According to Dr Shear “It’s striking, when you work in this area, to see how it helps patients enormously to know what is wrong with them,” She also points out that “one of the primary advantages of adding complicated grief to the DSM is that it will spur the development of treatments.”[5] She’s a real brain and a highly sensitive soul that Shear. I bet people who see her feel so much better as they leave with their list of deficits and bottle of pills.
Personally, after my son died, I found it highly unhelpful to be told that my grief was abnormal and to be given a list of things that were wrong with me. I was less interested in being ‘managed’ than being supported.
Dr Shear would know that that’s because I’m a silly girl who thinks those supporting the bereaved should take a strengths rather than deficits based approach and while I don’t believe I have any religious leanings, obviously she would pick up that I am a scientologist at some deep, sub-conscious level.
Psychologist Paul Boelen and his friend psychiatrist Holly Prigerson say that its possible that after our loved ones die we are distressed because we lose our ‘self concept clarity.’ Apparently we crazies struggle to adapt to not being a mother or husband or sibling any more and to having our goals and dreams taken away from us.
Boelen and Prigerson don’t have any patience with this particular form of madness. If we haven’t sorted it within 6-12months we officially become mentally ill.
Prigerson thinks its important that PGD is included in the DSM because “standardized criteria would enable clinicians to detect, treat, and receive reimbursement for the treatment of PGD and enable researchers to investigate the prevalence, risk factors, outcomes, neurobiology, prevention, and treatment of this disorder.[6] I know she meant to include the importance of helping people who are suffering loss and trauma but lets be fair, she’s a very busy and important psychiatrist who can’t be expected to remember everything!
I think Boelen and Prigerson are on to something but that they’re being coy about the real problem with grieving families.
In the ultimate madness, some of us whose loved ones have died as a result of being prescribed psychiatric drugs redefine ourselves as (shudder) activists and reset our goals to preventing the drug-induced deaths of others.
We present evidence of psychiatry’s lack of science and corrupt and harmful practices to the public. We undermine the credibility of the people who are only trying to help us by telling us whats’ wrong with us and trialling experimental treatments on us. Not just mad but ungrateful.
Clearly this is not a situation that can be tolerated and inclusion of PGD in the DSM –V will assist with ensuring no one listens to our scientology driven nonsense because we now have a recognisable mental disorder and as such our mad rantings can be given no credibility at all.
Ok I lied.
I’m not ‘over’ my son’s sudden, violent and preventable death.
I won’t ever be.
I will experience the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder for the rest of my life.
I consider that as a measure of my love and loss and what distinguishes me from an inanimate object. I think I’m a very normal grieving mother and I know hundreds of grieving mums just like me.
Of course psychiatrists will pathologise me for that, because that’s the only way they know of relating to people. So as a gesture of goodwill and in an effort to connect with them, I’ve sent the APA a proposed new diagnostic criteria based on fieldwork I have done in supporting those bereaved by suicide. In the spirit of partnership, and using your very own model, here’s my offering to the APA for the DSM-V.
Psychiatry As Usual Disorder
A. The individual decided not to practice real medicine but to ‘treat’ disorders that have no basis in science.
B. Since commencing practice as a psychiatrist, at least one of the following symptoms is experienced on more days than not and to a clinically significant degree:
- Persistent longing to define everyone in relation to what is normal for a white male psychiatrist with no experience of trauma, grief or other difficult life circumstances.
- Intense sorrow and emotional pain in response to being challenged on the lack of safety and efficacy of their practice.
- Preoccupation with prescribing potentially fatal drugs whose mechanism of action they can only presume in the absence of evidence.
- Preoccupation with their own importance and circumstances.
C. Since qualifying, at least six of the following symptoms are experienced on more days than not and to a clinically significant degree:
Blind faith in pharmacology:
- Marked difficulty accepting the evidence that their practice kills people and/or causes serious harm.
- Feeling outraged at any criticism
- Difficulty with considering any human moods or behaviours as a normal part of the human experience.
- Bitterness or anger related to being held accountable for the consequences of their unscientific practice.
- Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to groups who are clearly inferior, particularly patients and families.
- Excessive avoidance of research or real world evidence that their diagnoses are subjective and treatments have never effected a cure.
Social/Identity Disruption:
7. A desire to be seen as real doctors who treat real illnesses despite having chosen a form of voodoo as their medical specialty
8. Difficulty trusting patients own assessment of their response to difficult life events or circumstances preferring their own assessment of responses to events they have never personally experienced.
9. Feeling alone or detached from other individuals due to a sense of inherent superiority.
10. Feeling that other people’ lives are meaningless or empty or that they cannot function without psychiatric drugs.
11. Confusion about one’s role in life or a diminished sense of one’s identity e.g. believing one is God and incapable of being wrong or making mistakes.
12. Difficulty or reluctance to pursue the truth.
Should the APA be interested in including this disorder in the DSM-V, I can provide thousands of case studies and transcripts of inquest evidence to support the inclusion of this important new diagnostic category. And in the spirit of goodwill, I hope that Dr Shearer’s experience that people benefit from being told what’s wrong with them, means that the development of the Psychiatry as Usual Disorder criteria enhances the lives of psychiatrists around the world.
Oh and here’s a tip from a mad mum – If you stopped giving people psychiatric drugs clinically proven to at least double the risk of suicide, you could reduce the prevalence of Prolonged Grief Disorder overnight.
Just saying.
[1] Prigerson, Holly G.; Bierhals, Andrew J.; Kasl, Stanislav V.; Reynolds III, Charles F.; et al Traumatic grief as a risk factor for mental and physical morbidity. The American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol 154(5), May 1997, 616-623.
[2] Mancini, Anthony D Recent trends in the treatment of prolonged grief. Editor: Griffin, Paul Bonanno, George A Curr Opin Psychiatry Volume: 25, Issue: 1, Date: 2012 Jan , Pages: 46-51
[3] Boelen, Paul A., van den Hout, Marcel, A. 2012 The role of self-concept clarity in prolonged grief disorder. Editor: Keijsers, Loes J Nerv Ment Dis Volume: 200, Issue: 1, Date: 2012 Jan , Pages: 56-6
[4] Collier, R. 2011 Prolonged grief proposed as mental disorder CMAJ. 2011 May 17; 183(8): E439–E440.
[5] Ibid
[6] A case for inclusion of prolonged grief disorder in DSM-V. Prigerson, Holly G.; Vanderwerker, Lauren C.; Maciejewski, Paul K., Stroebe, Margaret S. (Ed); Hansson, Robert O. (Ed); Schut, Henk (Ed); Stroebe, Wolfgang (Ed); Van den Blink, Emmy (Illus), (2008). Handbook of bereavement research and practice: Advances in theory and intervention., (pp. 165-186). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association, xiv, 658 pp.
Related Items “In the News“:
Schizophrenia Outcome Still Better in Developing Countries
DSM-5 Field Trials Fail to Compare New Diagnostic Criteria with DSM-IV Criteria
Incoming APA President Emphasizes “Positive Psychiatry”
Antipsychotic Drugs and Relapse
Weak Field Trials Scuttle DSM-5 Diagnoses
Benzos Quadruple the Risk of Suicide in Schizophrenia
DSM-5 Retreats from Some Controversial Diagnoses
Ethics Complaints Over DSM Filed With the APA
Well done Maria. Keep the good work up
Psychiatry: No Cures No Science [4 min video]
Psychiatrists openly admitting at the 2006 APA convention that they have no scientific tests to prove mental illness and have no cures for these unproven mental illnesses.
http://www.cchrint.org/videos/mostviewed/nsnc/
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Good for you on calling insanity what it is in reality!
I still find it hard to believe that a bunch of quack snake-oil sellers can rise to such great heights in a supposedly ‘modern’ society.
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Anony Moose ,
Naturopathic Physician Joseph Liss N.D.,D.C. always used to say that, “Scum always rises to the top”. I guess we haven’t figured out how to get enough people working on removing them yet .
Fred
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Condolences on your loss. Your article is very well written and bitingly true. That you had to experience such a loss in order to be writing such is … I don’t know what the word is really – “sad” hardly fits but I guess that will do. I guess now all we can hope for is your words may help to protect other parents and children from such a fate. I truly will be happy when this whole big pharma menace is smashed and history. How many more have to suffer before then? I wish you well in your endeavour to make this known.
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Thanks Glenn. That psychiatry would attempt to make a patient of me as a result of the harm they caused my child and I feels like another form of abuse. They do not get to determine what ‘normal’ is for me or any other family who have suffered the trauma of a child’s suicide. Or at least they don’t get to do it unchallenged while I’m around. Our families could paper our walls with the pamphlets we get from agencies telling us its ok to grieve however we need to, when the reality is that if we don’t grieve in the prescribed manner, we are labelled mad and sometimes detained for compulsory treatment. Psychiatry has taken enough from me – it can keep its hands off my grief.
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One could argue that the psychiatry/pharmacy behemoths also caused harm to parents of deceased children. Death by suicidal drugs should not be meaningless statistics.
For every reaction there is a reaction perhaps the opposite of PGD is PGA – Proactive Grief Advocacy based on Righteous Anger.
Scripture has it that Yeshua, Jesus Christ himself, was so filled with righteous anger that he took a whip and cleared the temple of gamblers. One could diagnose his behavior eh? It’s well understood, “Don’t play games in His Father’s house or he’ll take a whip to your a**.”
My vibrant 16 year old son died a preventable death on a student trip to Japan at 16. I’ve been criticized for not ‘moving on’. This is my moving on, http://www.ClearCauseFoundation.org.
When we label we disable or empower – Crank it up Mom Advocates Everywhere!
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This is actually quite brilliant. Safe to assume that the proof is in the pudding.
I must remember when listening to horror stories from grieving parents that empathy should be replaced by a box of pills. It all makes sense to me now.
Oh, how wrong I’ve been when lending an ear or shoulder to cry on…when all along the grieving parent needs treatment with drugs proven to correct a chemical imbalance.
I can now safely walk through graveyards and look across at those burying the dead and give them the message that their grief is actually a disease and not a normal human emotion.
I can stand outside crematoriums with leaflets for Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac etc and give them to all those that are mourning the loss of a loved one.
Thank you psychiatry, what would we do without you?
Does this proposal stretch to dogs and cats? Maybe I could pop down to my local vets and propose that the staff hand out prescriptions for antidepressants to those who have recently made a decision to euthanize their family pets?
Florists will be outraged, I’m sure sales will plummet. Remembering those who have passed each year isn’t normal, especially when one sheds a tear or two for those that have passed.
It appears that the authors of the DSM like to push the boundaries…my only surprise is that they have not proposed an early intervention diagnostic tool for Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)
Then again…
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Another great piece Maria. The DSM is so flawed but with the ICD they dictate reimbursement for many systems of care. What to do. How do we convince payers (insurance companies) to pay for counseling without one of these absurd labels? Insurance, Medicaid, Medicare are not inclined to pay for “problems of life” so we’re at a sticking point. We like to “get around this issue” by using Harm Reduction principles. What’s the least offensive label that will allow you to get the help you want? I like Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Disturbance or Emotions and Conduct. It’s a great catch-all that says as a result of like your moods and or behaviors are different.
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Life I mean.
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Maria – I am blown away by this piece. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I have not lost a child, due to these damn doctors and meds but I have lost myself. I am 20 months into the process of trying to find myself again. I wish I could write as well as you and I would then write a book about my journey through Hell. The Psych drugs, the Psychiatrists and the Big Pharma are all evil……no other word can describe what they do. Thank you for writing this – please keep getting the word out…….
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Thank you. Spot on.
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Exquisite!
“Prigerson thinks its important that PGD [Prolonged Grief Disorder] is included in the DSM because ‘standardized criteria would enable clinicians to detect, treat, and RECEIVE REIMBURSEMENT FOR the treatment of PGD and enable researchers to investigate the prevalence, risk factors, outcomes, neurobiology, prevention, and treatment of this disorder.’ I know she meant to include the importance of helping people who are suffering loss and trauma but lets be fair, she’s a very busy and important psychiatrist who can’t be expected to remember everything!”
Thank you Maria!
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Excellent article: sock it to them!
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Brilliant- I’d like to see you on a stage or a platform somewhere performing this.
It has the bitter irony of true art as well as eloquently telling your tragic story that has lead you to be so rightly and righteously angry.
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Absolutely brilliant! I always appreciate your contributions here. You are correct; the only true disorder is the Disorder of Psychiatry! Although the pain is different, I still grieve the murder of my only sister in New York City six years ago. Oh my God, I just realized that I must have PGD! How could I have “lacked insight” into my illness all this time? I probably need meds so I’d better rush right off to the Community Mental Health Clinic!
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Wow! Thank you so much for this! My daughter died two months ago and while I was in the hospital recovering from my c-section (she was stillborn at 40 weeks), the mental health nurse convinced me to preemptively start on an anti-depressant. She told me that the alternative was that I would probably want to kill myself. Terrified of that happening, and knowing that I had a husband and two live children who needed me, I started taking the pills. About 5 weeks after my daughter’s death, I realized that I was numb to the pain. I would think “Oh, my daughter died. Hmmmm..” No emotion. Nothing. And THAT terrified me. So now, two weeks after going off that medication, I cry a LOT more and yes, I am sad. MY DAUGHTER DIED! I would much rather be sad and work through this grief than be numb to it. My capacity to feel emotion (love AND loss) should be valued and not hushed by medical professionals. If I’m ever back to “normal” as this diagnosis suggests I should be within 12 months, then I will be worried. I am changed forever, and so I should be!
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So sorry about the loss of your daughter. Congratulations for taking back control of your own life and for moving into the process of grieving. It’s not easy, and there will always be a hole in your heart for that person you lost, but eventually the pain will change and can be endured because you were willing to do the “work” necessary for healing your loss. No one can tell you how long you must grieve, this is different for each and every person, but when the time comes when you’ve traveled your way through the wasteland and dark night of the soul, you will wake up one morning and realize that you’ve made it to the other side. You, and only you, will know when you’ve grieved enough. Take care.
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The “trickcyclists” as a Kiwi 🙂 you will know of whom I speak are probably sluffing off our comments – their diagnosis “Mad Mums” as part of our disease of love- the advanced symptons and chronic cases needing immediate attention . I know your torture and your pain- I have no words to help but thank you for this – I will link to your post on my blog post of today
http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/apa-love-plus-grief-plus-2months-mdd/
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This had me laughing in a way that feels very, very good — that combination of pointing out the craziness in the system with humour + recognition + relief.
Huge adoration & appreciation to you for writing and sharing this.
Love, Reba x
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Absolutely BRILLIANT! Thanks for all you do to expose iatrogenic harm masquerading as ‘HELP’!
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I think this is what you are really looking for: Psychaitry Disorder. It is in the Diagnositc and Statistical Manual of NORMALITY disorders. Put together by those on the Autism Spectrum: http://isnt.autistics.org/dsn-psy.html
It is important to understand that there are NO treatments for this condition the best we can hope for is a move into the retired state. And while there are reports of child psychaitrists there has never been any cases of children practicising psychiatry. What they actually refer to are psychiatrists who primarily victimise children!!!
And this is the link for Staff Personality Disorder:
http://isnt.autistics.org/dsn-staff.html
It is very possible for people to have both conditions and if both are present both should be diagnosed!!!
Enjoy!!!!!
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Maria,
I am very sorry for your tragic and unnecessary loss. I can only imagine what you must feel and my heart goes out to you. Your contribution of PAU to the DSM-V is tragically hilarious and spot on. It appears that the hubris and grandiosity of some psychiatrists knows no bounds. I can’t imagine how any doctor who proposes a diagnostic category to expand pharma’s ability to parasitically feed off of the suffering of human beings can consider themselves a member of a healing profession. But then quite a lot of activity I see coming from that sphere that is inexplicable to me. Surely, as a Columbia University faculty member, Dr. Shear has access to state of the art information about the efficacy (or lack thereof) of the SSRI’s which she recommends to “treat” normal reactions to extreme loss. So many excuses, so little time. Some people have no shame and no insight. I wonder what sort of dirty little perks those who submit “winning categories” to the DSM-V receive from pharma? Truly sick making.
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Fantastic article. I totally support you! Psychology/psychiatry almost ruined my life, before I took control back for myself some 12 years ago. I have nothing but disdain for its practitioners ever since. They aren’t real professionals. They’re authoritarians without real science to back them up, but want to be seen as scientific. Not buying it. Ever again.
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Maria, a postscript,
You probably would not be surprised to know that the pharmaceutical industry has its hooks into the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons through sponsorships of various departments and professors. How better to create brand loyalty–get them hot off the press, so to speak. Isn’t the title “Wyeth Professor”, a contradiction in terms. Medicine, money and self interest. It ain’t pretty.
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My current, most disabling grief is that my current lifestyle and conditions have not allowed me to finish this article. My heart’s greatest hope, at this moment, is that I will be able to make time later to finish it. Thank you, Maria Shaw, whoever you are, for having the courage to write this, to stand up to big money interests, but also to look at and air your own pain. And strangely enough, as a writer, I want to thank you for demonstrating what a powerful tool irony is. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar, and while I have demonstrated to myself that both mania and depression are manageable, even and especially without medication, I have come to celebrate that bipolarity is and always will be how I am organized (as is the planet, but as you say, meh..whatever). As a person with a bipolar condition, I am extremely aware of duality and it’s power, and damned if irony isn’t a most creative way to use duality (implying one perspective with another). I say, use your condition to heal yourself and, if possible, let others see you do it. And, oh, Maria,, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thanks for showing us the courage with which you are healing yourself. Your son, I’m sure would be proud. [email protected]
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Wonderful piece! Thank you for sharing.
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This is a fantastic piece. I suffered a serious brain injury
last year, a result of ECT. I was assured by my
psychiatrist the procedure was absolutely safe. It seems
that psychiatry is willing to do anything for a result.
A closed-head electrical injury certainly does the trick!
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Dear Maria.
So sorry about your los. And thank you so much for your incredible energy on informing me/us so well. I can see that I must be one of the heavy cases within PGD diagnosis. My daughter died almost seven years ago. She died while in psychiatric treatment: She died suddenly and unexpected. On her death certificate is written: Cause of death: UNKNOWN. And I’m still grieving and will be for the rest of my life, of course. But luckily I haven’t told any psychiatrist about my grieving condition. Who knows what would have happened if I had?
It is alarming how the psychiatry can turn peoples normal feelings into a diagnosis which of course can only be cured with damaging and expensive psychotropics.
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good luck and i dont think your crazy
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My dear Maria. I missed seeing you in New Zealand when I was there recently. I had some good chats with Deb Williams when I asked after you.
You and I have in common, not least that we have been
lucky recipients of CCHR Human Rights Awards, I in the UK and you in LA. I lost my daughter Caitlin in 1998 to PROZAC. Since that time I have described myself as incurably sane. Did I ever send you a copy of my book Losing a Child [Sheldon Press]? It did help me to write it, my third book. Working now on fiction, but I’m not writing you to plug my work, which is a drop in the ocean. Thank you for your hard-hitting writing. I send this with hopes that you continue to grow and heal and provide truthful insights following an impossible, incurable loss.
As I write this to you from Shropshire UK, I look to the sun
and let the shadows fall away where they will. Please carry on, knowing that Toran is proud of you. My Caitlin is proud of you.
We cannot bring their sweet lives back I know, but they remain in our hearts forever.
Love and all good wishes, Linda Hurcombe
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Wow Maria, from one grief stricken mother to another I can hear your heart wrenching screams kept neatly below the facade of a composed,, well educated professional. My 21 year old son Ryan was killed in a horrific automobile accident in April 2010. Ryan too,was under a psychiatrists care for ADHD etc . I am probably not as ready to single out psychiatry as the major offenders yet. First off, as you and I both know, any parent that has lost a child and does not suffer from PGD is probably crazy. It is an indescribable pain and loss; there are not enough words or adjectives to define it. It is a solo experience and a long lonely journey for every family member. Exquisitly painful for the mothers that carried these children until that incredible day in the delivery room. That probably sounds selfish to some but I have observed it as well as lived it.
I am currently out on a medical LOA, 20 months AFTER losing my son. I went back to work 3 weeks after losing Ryan, with the help of antidepressants. I had literally felt like I weighed 3000 pounds every morning when I got out of bed. The antidepressants did help with that but 20 months later I was exhausted, at a cellular level! I could barely put one foot in front of the other. All I wanted to do was sleep, in a dark air conditioned room. So I did, still do on occasion. My short term disability is now up, my long term is “under investigation”. No matter what, even if I am granted long term disability,it will end in 24 months as I am mentally ill. I am a nurse, fortunately no one’s life is in my hands in my current role. I would not have been fit to return to work so quickly and would still not be. The entire healthcare system is broken and corruptted.
My heart truly aches for you, a broken hearted life sentence. I hope that I can also find a cause to sink my teeth into also.
YOU ROCK MARIA, TAKE NO PRISONERS!!!
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SO MUCH SUFFERING (needless) that this horrible field has brought to so many. Ten years ago, I felt all alone in it. It is worse now that I understand how many are impacted.
Holding space for you and your son today, Maria.
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Has this been sent directly to the APA? They need to be coerced into reading it. I’d love to see their reaction.
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Very Good.
I have been trying to find an appropriate name for the mental illness that people recruited into the field of Psychiatry have:
You have suggested “Usual Disorder” I have thought of “Commander Data Syndrome” of “Officer Spock” Syndrome” – I’m not yet dissatisfied with any of these names. I think I can add to your description.
—–
I have had Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD)about my sister’s suicide from the applied misuse of Pharma meds for more than 20 years. Fortunately I have not taken any drugs for it.
…
Three other members of my extended family committed suicide while on psych meds one of them was a psychiatrist who had denounced psychologists and psychology as garbage. This psychiatrist tried to solve his problems with meds while denouncing all social interventions – he also medicated all three of his kids who were suffering grief from their mother’s suicide.
“Sic Transit Gloria Psychiatria”
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Brilliant piece Maria. I am sorry for your loss and our loss. I am glad however that you have gathered great evidence to propose a refreshingly rational DSM 5 diagnosis. I must say however, that I do not believe that the arrogance and ignorance of psychiatrists is inherent. My understanding is that they go a grueling and dehumanizing training that leaves then brainwashed, and pressure-indoctrinated into a ‘world as pathology’ and ‘me as God’ mindset. Nothing inherent about that! It is a symptom of an irrational world ignorant of the impact of oppression and trauma and one that has lost its moral bearings.
I am glad you have a fine-tuned moral compass and a mighty pen!
Thank you for taking the time to strike an engagingly sarcastic blow to the naked souls hiding under white coats!
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Eloquent, amusing, moving and accurate.
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