Turn Coats by Madeline

I chose to be a man
Another rape is on the news
In a world
Full of flaunting girls
I chose to be a man
To throw off the bra
To dawn the binder
And think of what really matters
And to ask google
If anything does
The door is closed
Another slash

Being a girl isn’t easy
Look at them
Look around
It’s hell out there
The Judge blamed the woman
The news says she thought she was alone
The Night couldn’t camouflage her skin
Unanimous Jury
A Bloodstain on my desk

Age 9 was “Just sad”
Age 11 was “Just tomboy”
Age 13 was “Emo”
Age 15 is “Just Selfish”
The woman on T.V. calls
For all girls far and wide
To stand together
Bloody fingers can’t pause the Video
They just leave a stain over the face
“Just selfish”
“Just selfish”
“Just selfish”
Slash
Cut
Slice

I hear it every time

“Just selfish!”
“How could you?”
“How can you leave us all behind?”
“Us girls need you!”
“We are bleeding!”
“We are starving!”
“Our wrists are bruised and you’re leaving us all behind!”

The skin of my wrists is no longer visible.
The room is spinning
I find the strength to turn my phone off

A part of me is glad i’m blacking out
I don’t want to be awake
I don’t want to feel pain
But neither do they
And I abandoned them

I fight to stay awake
Because life hurts
And selfish men like me get what they deserve

I chose to be a woman
Another rape is on the news
In a world
Full of flexing boys
I chose to be a woman
To shave away the face hair
To dawn the bra
And to think of what really matters
And to ask google
If anything does
The door is closed
Another thud

Being a girl isn’t easy
Look at them
Look around
It’s hell out there
The Judge blamed the woman
The news says she thought she was alone
The Night couldn’t camouflage her skin
Unanimous Jury
My head thuds against the wall

Age 9 was “Sensitive”
Age 11 was “late bloomer”
Age 13 was “a queer”
Age 15 is “Arrogant”
The woman on T.V. calls
For all girls far and wide
To stand together
My head hits the wall again
This time my vision blurs
“Arrogant”
“Arrogant”
“Arrogant”
Bang
Slam
Thud

I hear it every time
“How could you?”
“How can you take this from us?”

“Womanhood is a gift!”
“Womanhood is an art!”
“We suffer, and we turn it into beauty!”
“It is the only thing we have, and you are taking it from us!”
That one was a crunch.
My vision is red
I am crumpeling to the ground

A part of me is glad i’m blacking out
I don’t want to be awake
I don’t want to feel pain
But neither do they
And i’m robbing them

I fight to stay awake
Because life hurts
And arrogant boys like me get what they deserve

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