Race and Abuse in Inpatient Settings: What Happens Behind Locked Doors


Irvo Noel Otieno was a 28-year-old Black man who died of asphyxia due to being smothered by seven deputies in a Virginia mental hospital in March of 2023. This didn’t get as much publicity as the George Floyd case and I’m not even sure if it inspired any protests.

A very similar thing happened to me on multiple occasions. As a petite Mexican-American woman I’ve been physically assaulted by nurses and security guards so many times that I lost count. One incident in particular that I remember happened at Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, OR, I believe in 2011 or 2012, when I refused my medication because the doctor changed the dosage without consulting me. The male nurse called in a big burly male security guard to pin me down so that the nurse could forcibly inject me with medication. I remember the doctor actually being apologetic the next day saying they should have told me about changing my medication. When I asked another security guard about it, he angrily told me that they were there to protect staff not patients.

I had forgotten this incident and thought I had left it behind in the past. But an offhand remark from my psychiatrist suddenly brought back the memory and I started having flashbacks. I didn’t know how to deal with this and got upset, thinking that maybe I should discontinue my medication. I didn’t tell my psychiatrist (who I see via telehealth) right away but eventually when I told her I was really struggling she insisted that I up my dosage of medication and add an additional medication.

The doctor called me the next day concerned. I can’t remember our exact exchange but it ended with me asking if she had malpractice insurance and her angrily responding “That’s it.” Twenty minutes later I heard a knock on the door and the police came saying that my doctor had dialed 911 and requested that I be sent to the emergency room. Luckily I was able to defuse the situation, telling them I was tired and was trying to process the whole experience of being assaulted in the hospital by the security guard years before and refusing the free EMS ride. It was a rough week though and my regular doctor knew I was struggling with insomnia and dehydration.

The second time 911 was called later in the week I wasn’t so lucky—I went along with the friendly paramedics and with the cooperative ER staff up until the point they decided to triage me to psych. At that point they put me into what was basically a holding pen—an open area behind locked doors with no door to my sleeping area and fluorescent lights which did not allow me to sleep. The only staff was the third-party security staff that watched me. Some were kind, such as the elderly African American gentleman and Jewish lady who talked to me about their lives. Some were not.

At the end of the long night I was told by a nurse that I was being transferred to Raleigh, something I found really exciting since it meant that I would be out of the tiny provincial town and into the capital of the state. I was eager to go with the sheriff’s deputy, only instead of the female deputy that was supposed to come with me, a big brute of a man showed up. I was still excited up until the point he brusquely placed handcuffs on me and started dragging me through the ER. I was terrified and started screaming “Rape!” and “Code black!” and whatever I could think of to get people’s attention to get him to stop, but people’s expressions just indicated confusion or that they were glad that he was taking me away out of the ER.

As soon as we reached the squad car, he shoved me in the back seat, took a bottle of pepper spray and pointed it menacingly in my face, informing me that if I said one word he would press the button and the spray would blind my eyes. He closed the door without placing a seat belt on me and I spent the rest of the trip in silence.

The rest of my stay was somewhat mixed. No one took a history so I was taken off my medication and placed on something different. No one took note of my eating disorder (ARFID) so I went several days without eating as I couldn’t eat what was on my tray. I was in the room nearest to the front desk so when patients came screaming at 3 am I was woken up at a time when I desperately needed sleep.

The most helpful people I met were fellow patients—in particular I remember a Muslim holy woman who sometimes wore hijab who was often yelled at by staff for doing calls to prayer in the hallway. When I think of how some of the disorders like schizophrenia are diagnosed in terms of people believing they are experiencing visions or missions from God, it made me wonder if people like her are trapped in a system that seems obsessed with rooting out potential religious leaders.

I’ve had a chance to consider things like this since throughout the course of my life I have spent almost a year total locked up in multiple community hospitals and four different state mental hospitals, usually on the most serious and violent case wards. As a graduate student during most of these experiences, I was able to make lots of observations, taking a note from David Rosenhan’s infamous 1973 research carried out in locked psych wards (On Being Sane in Insane Places). At one point in 2006, I even wrote a play about what I thought the ideal mental healthcare of the future would be like, something that we have yet to reach.

I have vague memories of the commitment trials where the psychiatrists would testify why I should be locked up. In Champaign, Illinois in 2007, I remember the male psychiatrist saying that I needed to be involuntarily committed because I believed that I was autistic and had accused him of being a racist. In the most recent incident I wasn’t even allowed a trial and was IVC’d (involuntarily committed) for two weeks directly on the testimony of an ER doctor who thought my claims of being a scientist constituted “delusions of grandeur” (I have two masters degrees and half a PhD in science programs but I guess that’s not enough for some people).

Psychiatrists seem to hate me because I am often noncompliant and tend to think for myself instead of blindly accepting whatever verdict they hand down. In times of crisis, I keep turning to psychiatry in the hopes that it will make me feel better when in fact it always makes things worse, adding on the numbers of physical assaults, the experiences of forced coercion and bullying and the overall feeling that I am not seen as a human being. When I’m off my meds I challenge authority and say what’s on my mind, including opinions about why the DSM is not scientific and big Pharma influences too many of the drug studies. And even when I’m back on meds I carry the memories of what happened.

In the aftermath of what happened to Irvo Noel Otieno and George Floyd, it is finally time for me to come forward with my story. This problem of staff brutality towards patients on the psych wards disproportionately affects people of color and continues to happen every day behind locked doors. This is backed up by the book The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease by Jonathan Metzl. It goes beyond race because even though Black people may experience the worst violence in the system, the mentally ill in general, regardless of race, are considered the lowest caste in our society and bad treatment is deemed acceptable as we saw in the death of Jordan Neely. No more. This psychiatric survivor refuses to be silent anymore.


Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.


Mad in America has made some changes to the commenting process. You no longer need to login or create an account on our site to comment. The only information needed is your name, email and comment text. Comments made with an account prior to this change will remain visible on the site.


  1. I make it a point to remind people that psychology and psychiatry are not the same thing. The former deals with the branch of human thought and behavior while the latter seeks to medicalize all aspects of it.

    Psychiatry at it’s core is misanthropic. The moment you are labeled with a stigmatizing diagnosis you are completely invalidated as a human being.

    Report comment

  2. Dear Marcela,

    I’m sad for what you’ve been through at the hands of the so-called “mental health system”, but I applaud your bravery in exposing its needless cruelty and brutality. I hope your powerful testimony brings about positive change.

    Report comment

  3. Thank you for writing this Marcela. I’m sorry. I’m scared. This world is a very dangerous place. Your story and my story and all of our stories are horror stories. True crime. True horror. True tragedies.
    Psychiatry=Hopeless tragedy

    Report comment

  4. Yes, totally invalidated as a person by the implementers of diagnostic orders of MDs with way overgeneralized areas of “expertise”. Thru all USA systems, and broader. Pt experience and view never considered outside of on the spot surveys, out of context, absurd. Danger in institutions is not from original issues but from staff neglect or abuse. That said, it works better to challenge system wide stuff in different settings. With direct staff, say thank you, and refuse treatment without rage (even if systemic abuse warrants it!!!) Its not limited to race, depersonalization is a feature of our systems, medication being the control agent. On psych ward, they were planning to cancel my sister’s cancer checkup as they imagined shed have an aggressive episode in the process. I had to speak up, say no, she never has issues with the cancer treatments, so they took her (no issues. She felt encourage by the care). Its the closed asylum and medication control based on staff vague assumptions. Everywhere.

    Report comment

    Similar while inpatient (Rose and Janis Joplin kept me sane) forced medication for 6 months detox off of them took 6 YEARS! I have threats now to be put back on chemical control coming to my family forcing me to take drugs as I am an Advocate, LPN, and Recovery Coach for our marginalised (***shut the f up them warning me) however I was VERY GRATEFUL that I got those around me who spoke FREEDOM AS WELL AS ME!
    There are many supporters (Angels among US) working within the system, and then there are some who need a course in just being human!

    Today, we need ADVANCED PSYCHIATRIC DIRECTIVES in ALL 50 states!
    Currently in 17 states have them, surprisingly MA isn’t one!

    In the meantime NAMI has a site where one can print, fill in and enter it as part of one’s care plan for your Primary Care Doctor!! Make copies and keep one on you so if there’s a threat ITS PAID FOR BY YOUR INSURANCE!! (Finally, they’ve done something worthwhile!)
    MAKE A plan, make copies, share with people who can advocate for you (WHAT YOU WANT-not listening to the drug dealers or psychiatrists ) and SMART911. GET it local so when a call goes out the dispatcher can share what info is ON their site! EXAPMPLES;
    How to treat you, how to reach others and especially who your PSYCHOLOGIST OR SOCIAL WORKER IS TO REACH IF AN EMERGENCY rule out medical by ER!
    and the ability to keep your comfort or support animal and get home care so you can stay in your own spaces.
    We are going forward!! Psychiatric medicine is out of control by pharmaceutical which is also petroleum…
    homeopathic and nutritional psychiatric is on the horizon-fancy for eating better AND healthy without chemicals as well as dealing with your mental health state!
    Most of the time you’re being forced to become un allergic to a medication!! How sick is that?

    Report comment

  6. My next-door neighbor, Jared Romero, a quiet man in South Valley Albuquerque was murdered by two Bernalillo County Sheriff’s detectives during a so-called wellness check. He came out with a knife to his throat saying he wanted to die. He asked them to kill him. They did. They shot him until he fell to his knees with his back to them and then they shot him four more times. There were not threats by him toward the police. There has been no obvious investigation. No obvious consequences. No news stories other than the original stories weeks ago. No public outcry. It was called a police-involved shooting. The main point, made by the Sherrif’s office was that they were facing a mentally ill man with a weapon. I repeat the knife was at his own throat. I watched the video cam which was made public. Apparently, people who are diagnosed with mental illness are the lowest caste.
    Apparently, that makes it ok to murder them. Thank you for speaking out on the atocities and lets all stop being silent.

    Report comment

  7. ———- Forwarded message ———
    From: Thomas Kelly
    Date: Tue, Jun 27, 2023, 6:28 AM
    Subject: Fwd: MIA Marcela Musgrove
    To: Thomas Kelly


    Having been interned and forcibly drugged for 82 days in Ireland, I have to view most of not all the perpetrators of my persecution as being more victims of that same system than I was, doomed, as they were, to decades of such wretched misery, trapped, as they must feel they were, in a sordid system they would never have dreamed of entering had they only known how it worked, what it was all about, how much pain and harm and suffering it caused, how very little if any benefit or relief it brought to anyone in particular or to society in general.

    I recently asked a lady who felt she had been greatly abused during her own hospital stays, including one shirt, voluntary one in a US psych ward something much like

    “Hey, how all many of us all do you think are always all in all this together?”

    I was more than delighted when she answered,

    “Er, all of us, I guess?”
    I guess so, too…and that divided, we fear, united, we love and laugh.

    For not getting my own adventures on Funny Farm out there faster, I count myself no less guilty than any other perp for the perpetuation of all the preposterous persecution, while my procrastination proceeds to permit professionals to paint into painful corners both themselves and and all whom the persuade to admire the Emperor’s Invisible Clothes.

    “Mental illness, wellness and disorder” are the other side of the dud coin misnomer whereon willful sinfulness was once etched so persuasively but equally falsely.


    Thank you, MIA and Marcela, for yet another most magnificent essay.

    “God” rest ye merry, all.


    Report comment