Still feels like yesterday
16 alone with this unrecognized gift
I can touch God
I can feel everything
Way too much pain though too much beauty
I needed a shaman a wise elder
Someone whoâs been there and done that
I shouldnât be alone with this
The psychiatrist just builds more walls
Messiah complex? I better keep my mouth shut
Just try this pill. no this one. nope again. weâll find one
He needs to be in the one month involuntary hospital program
Poor mom! She was just trying to help
She didnât know theyâd take me to the state hospital
Once called the Northern States Hospital for the Insane
She didn’t know how dark and terrible that place was
She didnât know how violently Iâd resist
That pain and rage is still in my body
It felt good to punch that cop though
The only real therapy I could find at the time
I never physically hurt anyone besides the cop
Was never a real danger to myself
They all thought I was
I just couldnât go to school
There was way too much to feel at school
I felt calm sitting in the woods by the river
Listening to music in my room
More self created therapy
I was on to something but I needed a guide
Heâs got to go to school
Heâs got to participate in the system
Weâve got to make this stop
I couldnât resist without that guide
I started believing the sick dangerous broken story
It became background noise a heavy weight a barrier to my true self
Iâve rooted out most of that story now
A long and difficult journey
Answered the call that was there all along
Rolled up my sleeves and learned to be my own healer
How to ask for help be real vulnerable and true
Care for my genius and serve
And now I am that guide
Traveling through time back to my 16 year old self
Bringing the fragmented pieces together
Preparing myself to look outward
As a wounded healer
As the guide I never had.
***
