Thursday, January 17, 2019

Comments by Ben Furman, MD

Showing 3 of 3 comments.

  • I was delighted to read these few comments that my blog has provoked. Thank you so much. It’s very valuable for me as I think my calling is to spread information about positive and drug-free ways of addressing not only tantrums but also other childhood mental health issues.

    The solution-focused approach can seem very child focused, as if ignoring issues related to the environment, such as bullying or domestic violence. Point well taken. I just want to point out that what happens with Kids’Skills is kind of paradoxical. When everyone, the parents, the kids at school, the teacher… everyone, joins forces to help the child learn a skill, something happens to all these people. They all start to change.

    When you are helping a child learn a skill, you cannot bully them, you cannot criticize them and you have to get your act together with your wife or husband.

    Kids’Skills appears to be a method that ignores the environment but in reality it is a so called systemic method that influences not only the child but everyone in the human system around the child.

  • Steve, you are touching on an important question that is discussed a lot in almost all training seminars and lectures on solution-focused, or future-focused therapy. How much do people need to talk about their past in order to be able to move on in their life? it’s not an easy question. Maybe people are also different. Maybe some need to talk more and some less.

    I have written a book about this topic entitled “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”. To give my five pennies worth to this perennial question I’d like to share the idea that we can view our past with various spectacles on our eyes. We can see our past as the source of our suffering, but we can also look back (with a different set of spectacles) and see how we have been able to convert the shitty things that we have experienced in the past into manure for a better future (as one of my old friends put it).

    BTW I was watching a documentary of Bruce Springsteen yesterday on TV. it appeared to me that he is a prime example of a person who has done just that. No wonder his autobiography has been sold millions of copies.

    Have you seen this one? Glasser is one of our heros. Together with my colleague Tapani Ahola we have created a model for teaching children and youth responsibility that we call “Steps of Responsibility” that draws a lot from Glasser’s thinking. Thanks for asking. BTW, if you want to learn about steps of responsibility (which was created for use in schools) you can find more about at