Thanks for this, Nijinsky! Your point is very valid, and one that I have considered a long time before now but will be considering even more as I continue on my journey.
To be honest, I never loved the idea of being on any psych meds at all and originally did not want to start. As I mentioned in my piece, I was introduced to Prozac at the same time as I entered an OCD Outpatient therapy program. If I remember correctly, the information I was given at the time was that OCD patients showed the greatest recovery rates who did therapy and went on meds. Being young at the time (21) and really just wanting to get better, I went along with what the professionals recommended. At the time I experienced great success with both the Prozac and the therapy, so I stuck with both. Over time I needed less therapy but never saw a strong reason to taper off of the Prozac, and in fact my psychiatrists over the years have usually been against taking me off of it (one may not be surprised by this, obviously).
Obviously after the experience I’ve mentioned here, I will be reconsidering things. As I mention in the piece, I was put on a low dose of Klonopin to help combat the Akathisia, and I was on this for several months at the recommendation of my psychiatrist, though at first I wanted to be off of it as quickly as possible due to the addictive qualities that have been reported with it. However I followed my doctor’s advice and was on the Klonopin between three to five months, I believe, and have been off of it ever since. Again, I’m back to the same dosage of Prozac as before everything, though I NEVER take OTC cold medication any more and I may consider tapering off of the Prozac in the future, as well.
Well put on all points. I appreciate your encouraging words as well as your empathy. I agree with what you are getting at regarding “authority” in these situations, and it was the aspect of being hospitalized that was the most difficult to navigate, after of course the debilitating effects of the drugs.
Telling my medical professional that I disagreed with my treatment, and even worse, being in no position to seek other opinions or “take my business elsewhere,” led to essentially an inmate-prison guard scenario. So much so that the longer I was there the more Connie treated me as such and even stated that I’d be released when I was able to “behave in an acceptable manner.” I became the one who was expected to perform, to jump through the hoops needed to secure release, instead of the other way around. Hence why in the end it felt and looked much more like a prison break than a release of a healthy individual after successful treatment…
Thanks so much for sharing your story and your horrendous experience with Akathisia. I too have experienced Akathisia for an extended period of time, including on an airplane as you describe, and I feel that I almost could have written some of this story myself. My flight, fortunately, was a short one hour puddle jump with no connection and I had my father next to me to dig my nails into his palm the whole time while I struggled between trying not to look suspicious and trying to contain the feeling of my heart wanting to pop out of my chest and my own neck and shoulder muscles feeling like they wanted to snap my spine.
The point is, I empathize. I feel like there aren’t many who can. I also feel like Akathisia is a torture worse than anything that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks so much for your comments, Stuart. To be sure, I am still processing what happened and making sense of it the best I can, so I appreciate any additional thoughts on what exactly happened. I’m unfamiliar with serotonin syndrome but will research it more.
I actually talked to about six different lawyers. All politely declined due to seeing no clear “damages” or a direct claim on malpractice or similar charges.
At the recommendation of one of the lawyers, I then filed a formal complaint with the state against the nurse practitioner mentioned here, as well as against the facility. The facility complaint was rejected, but I was assigned me an investigator to my claim about the NP. The investigator stated that she conducted interviews, though I am not privy to who she interviewed, and despite my requests for her to interview my family or the mental health professionals with whom I’ve worked before or since, none of them were contacted. After roughly a year and a half-long process, whose details I know nothing about, by an investigator whose qualifications to investigate my particular psychiatric claims I also know nothing about, my claim was dismissed based on “lack of evidence.” I was told by the investigator that the NP acted with a “team” at the facility, though I saw one other team member, her conferring psychiatrist, two times for about 15 minutes total in the month I was there. As I mention later in my story, the treatment I received at a different facility closer to home was completely different and more professional.
The nurse practitioner in charge of me will receive no corrective action for her treatment of me, and neither will the facility whose practices led to that mistreatment. Having gone through the process, I can only say from my own experience that the whole system feels very “insulated.”
Thanks for this, Nijinsky! Your point is very valid, and one that I have considered a long time before now but will be considering even more as I continue on my journey.
To be honest, I never loved the idea of being on any psych meds at all and originally did not want to start. As I mentioned in my piece, I was introduced to Prozac at the same time as I entered an OCD Outpatient therapy program. If I remember correctly, the information I was given at the time was that OCD patients showed the greatest recovery rates who did therapy and went on meds. Being young at the time (21) and really just wanting to get better, I went along with what the professionals recommended. At the time I experienced great success with both the Prozac and the therapy, so I stuck with both. Over time I needed less therapy but never saw a strong reason to taper off of the Prozac, and in fact my psychiatrists over the years have usually been against taking me off of it (one may not be surprised by this, obviously).
Obviously after the experience I’ve mentioned here, I will be reconsidering things. As I mention in the piece, I was put on a low dose of Klonopin to help combat the Akathisia, and I was on this for several months at the recommendation of my psychiatrist, though at first I wanted to be off of it as quickly as possible due to the addictive qualities that have been reported with it. However I followed my doctor’s advice and was on the Klonopin between three to five months, I believe, and have been off of it ever since. Again, I’m back to the same dosage of Prozac as before everything, though I NEVER take OTC cold medication any more and I may consider tapering off of the Prozac in the future, as well.
Thanks again!
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Sam,
Well put on all points. I appreciate your encouraging words as well as your empathy. I agree with what you are getting at regarding “authority” in these situations, and it was the aspect of being hospitalized that was the most difficult to navigate, after of course the debilitating effects of the drugs.
Telling my medical professional that I disagreed with my treatment, and even worse, being in no position to seek other opinions or “take my business elsewhere,” led to essentially an inmate-prison guard scenario. So much so that the longer I was there the more Connie treated me as such and even stated that I’d be released when I was able to “behave in an acceptable manner.” I became the one who was expected to perform, to jump through the hoops needed to secure release, instead of the other way around. Hence why in the end it felt and looked much more like a prison break than a release of a healthy individual after successful treatment…
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Chris:
Thanks so much for sharing your story and your horrendous experience with Akathisia. I too have experienced Akathisia for an extended period of time, including on an airplane as you describe, and I feel that I almost could have written some of this story myself. My flight, fortunately, was a short one hour puddle jump with no connection and I had my father next to me to dig my nails into his palm the whole time while I struggled between trying not to look suspicious and trying to contain the feeling of my heart wanting to pop out of my chest and my own neck and shoulder muscles feeling like they wanted to snap my spine.
The point is, I empathize. I feel like there aren’t many who can. I also feel like Akathisia is a torture worse than anything that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Thanks again for sharing.
Cheers,
Nick
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Interesting thought. I appreciate the input!
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Thanks so much for your comments, Stuart. To be sure, I am still processing what happened and making sense of it the best I can, so I appreciate any additional thoughts on what exactly happened. I’m unfamiliar with serotonin syndrome but will research it more.
I actually talked to about six different lawyers. All politely declined due to seeing no clear “damages” or a direct claim on malpractice or similar charges.
At the recommendation of one of the lawyers, I then filed a formal complaint with the state against the nurse practitioner mentioned here, as well as against the facility. The facility complaint was rejected, but I was assigned me an investigator to my claim about the NP. The investigator stated that she conducted interviews, though I am not privy to who she interviewed, and despite my requests for her to interview my family or the mental health professionals with whom I’ve worked before or since, none of them were contacted. After roughly a year and a half-long process, whose details I know nothing about, by an investigator whose qualifications to investigate my particular psychiatric claims I also know nothing about, my claim was dismissed based on “lack of evidence.” I was told by the investigator that the NP acted with a “team” at the facility, though I saw one other team member, her conferring psychiatrist, two times for about 15 minutes total in the month I was there. As I mention later in my story, the treatment I received at a different facility closer to home was completely different and more professional.
The nurse practitioner in charge of me will receive no corrective action for her treatment of me, and neither will the facility whose practices led to that mistreatment. Having gone through the process, I can only say from my own experience that the whole system feels very “insulated.”
Report comment