Every year around this time, millions of people make their New Year’s resolutions. Some of the most popular are to lose weight, be more organized, quit smoking, and enjoy life to the fullest. Despite our best intentions, the statistics paint a rather grim picture regarding the success of such resolutions. For example, fitness centers reportedly see a significant decline in attendance as February rolls around. In spite of good intentions, change can be a difficult thing. According to author David Eagleman, multiple factors are associated with our inability to follow through with change, some of which we give little thought or none at all.
In Eagleman’s bestselling book, Incognito, he tells a captivating story of the role our unconscious mind plays in our everyday life. He gives a humbling, research-based account of just how little our conscious thoughts guide our daily behaviors. He details how many daily activities are largely programmed into our brain without clear awareness. He explains the way that we often see things that are consistent with our past experiences and worldviews, and consequently ignore that which goes against what we believe or perceive is true. We often don’t see typos or words we are reading. We miss keys right in front of us. We may remember events very differently than how they actually occurred. But all unconscious judgments are not necessarily bad. For instance, if we had to intentionally think about routine activities like driving to work or walking and talking, we would quickly become overwhelmed. On the other hand, when it comes time to make thoughtful decisions, our unconscious mind can be our worst enemy, especially when taking on new challenges.
When faced with these challenges, few of us can resist the temptation to fall back on past habits. To effectively implement change, Eagleman advocates that, among many other ideas, we must predict what our future selves will do. If not, we will likely fail. Take, for example, the resolution to lose weight. No matter what fad is in place, it almost always comes back to moving more and eating better, and less. Many of us like the idea of eating healthier, but do not intentionally plan how we will resist temptations to eat poorly. When our houses are still filled with unhealthy food choices, when we do not plan ahead for meals instead of the drive thru, and when candy is still stashed at work, we are not being honest with our future selves. Many people like the thought of exercise. But when we don’t plan for disruptions and inconveniences that will occur, find ways to make it fun and diversified, and stop going to bed too late, we are not being honest with our future selves. Unconsciously, it is almost as if we believe our future selves will look a lot like who we are now. Therefore, we don’t do the work ahead of time needed to make real, long-term change possible.
But beyond this, there are other considerations. One is that we simply start too fast and too intensely. Thomas Merton once declared, “Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm, and harmony.” When we go from no exercise to five days in the gym, burnout is almost inevitable because it defies the typical way we work to change behaviors. Ideally, the principle of gradual exposure with response prevention has long been the gold standard in dealing with psychological factors, such as anxiety, associated with change. Said another way, this concept means taking small steps towards an ultimate goal, without allowing ourselves to avoid the fear completely. We no longer put people phobic of snakes in a room full of them (thankfully) because it usually led to complete failure and embarrassment. But we do teach them to establish a hierarchy of steps that leads to attainment of an ultimate goal, and skills to calm themselves and not avoid the steps altogether along the way.
Another flaw in our resolutions is that failure is often seen as a finality, not a step in the process. The average person who successfully quits smoking, or leaves an abusive relationship, initially fails more than five to seven times. Significant change rarely happens without failure. When managed properly, though, failure can actually serve as an asset in becoming our new future selves. When the diet crashes for a week, it may signal to us that we need to start with smaller, more manageable changes to our food choices. When our running shoes lie dormant for five days, it may be time to reach out to someone else to run with us once a week in developing a network of health conscious friends.
But in going deeper, much of why resolutions fizzle out is that they lack clear connections to more meaningful purposes. Losing weight to look better, or for being healthier, only takes us so far. However, losing weight to be healthier so that we can better pursue a particular calling, well, now we start to tap into a bank of emotional reinforcement that can begin to see us through the short- and long-term. Likewise, when being healthy allows us to enhance our relationships with others, and do things to benefit the public good, it is then that resolutions become a pipeline to a new lifestyle. As noted in an article I wrote about volunteering, we suddenly start to not just feel better, but to feel better about ourselves. The more we realize that we matter to others, the better we recognize the phenomenal innate capacity that may have lay dormant for years or even decades. Through this process, we develop an increased sense of gratitude for the things that may have been perceived as mundane. We start complaining less that we have to run for exercise, and become grateful that we can do it at all. We start to recognize the sunrise for the beauty that it is, and the daily rhythms and routines for the comfort they can provide. Recently, I twisted my ankle while running outdoor trails. The next few days following my injury it was difficult and painful to walk. It was only then I was reminded just how much I take for granted the joy of walking, not just on trails, but even to the hospital next door.
In many ways, our resolutions mirror the willful approach that is needed to overcome psychological conditions, even those of a severe nature. In committing to changes that need to be made, we must do so with as much clarity and consciousness as possible, even when these entities seem elusive. We must be cautious about agents which serve to dull us to our particular circumstances and state of mind, whether it be medications or otherwise. That is because it is critical to recognize what factors may be causing us to feel more anxious or depressed, including those that are extraneous by nature. Extraneous factors often cloud our ability to focus on aspects of our lives that matter the most. Viktor Frankl termed this conflict “noogenic neuroses”—an existential frustration that occurs when one’s focus on the trivial details causes a person to feel a lack of meaning in life. Even for more serious conditions, such as schizophrenia, it is necessary for an individual to commit in a deeper way so that the inevitable suffering of recovery to follow will carry a greater purpose beyond the pain itself.
So, this year, as you resolve that things will change, ask yourself a few questions, and teach your kids to do the same. What barriers of my future self will show up when February rolls around? What am I doing now to prepare myself so that these barriers do not derail my goals altogether? Second, do my New Year’s resolutions have deeper roots? Will it allow me to move closer to the person I am called to be, not ultimately for myself, but for others? I encourage you to share your responses with family and friends, particularly with your children. For as Thomas Merton once again proclaimed, “We do not live for ourselves…” But in order to live for others, we must resolve to make this year mean more to us than it has ever before.
Mad in America hosts blogs by a diverse group of writers. These posts are designed to serve as a public forum for a discussion—broadly speaking—of psychiatry and its treatments. The opinions expressed are the writers’ own.
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Thank you for this very inspiring and enlightening post at the best time right on the cusp of the New Year to inspire positive change.
Your post was especially helpful since you covered the psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual and other critical factors that need to be addressed to bring about real beneficial and long lasting changes. I liked that you included inspiration from Thomas Merton and Victor Frankl with the latter the ultimate example of not only surviving but even thriving in spite of the worst of environments: a concentration camp no less that Frankel described in Man’s Search For Meaning.
Your article also resonated with me in that I have struggled for a long time to quit smoking but though I succeeded, I then became dependent on the nicotine patch, which I have finally eliminated, but have now gained some weight back I must lose now…..
Thus, your post comes at a perfect time to help me examine all the aspects of what is involved in conquering bad habits and replacing them with good habits only. William Glasser calls these “positive addictions.” Moreover, your pointing out that having a greater goal like volunteering, meaningful work or others beyond these more mundane improvements in our immediate physical being is very motivating in my opinion.
I hope to check out the book, Incognito, based on your description of it. It sounds interesting.
I am writing this comment because I read your article when it first came out and knew I needed to give it more attention. Also, I wanted to let you know how much I needed this pep talk to give me some incentive to start the New Year on the right track and how grateful I am you shared it with us.
Thank you for this very helpful, motivating article and I really hope you will write many more for MIA that I would very much look forward to reading. I would like to hear more about others who have inspired you like Merton, Frankl and Eagleton. I am a big fan of Thomas Merton too from my own Catholic/Christian background. But, C.S. Lewis remains my very favorite Christian author.
Thank you very much for your kind words regarding my recent post. I certainly think that the New Year provides a unique opportunity in reassessing what is important in our life, and also the obstacles that present themselves in making desired changes. I appreciated very much your insight from your own personal experience, and agree much that we must replace negative addictions with positive pursuits in order for deep-seeded, long-term changes to occur.
I hope you have a great start to 2014, and yours isn’t the first comment that makes me think I need to invest more in C.S. Lewis’s writings.
I have recommended C.S. Lewis so highly because during those “darkest nights of the soul” in my life I could find tremendous inspiration from Lewis in his many books, movies and cassettes as he shared his own darkest nights and struggles from God to atheism to “mere Christianity,” one of his most popular, inspiring books. You are probably aware that Lewis’ mother died when he was young and due to his father’s poor coping ability, C.S. Lewis went through some very bad times that inspired him to write The Chronicles of Narnia and many of his other fine works.
He was just cited as one of the most influential figures of the twentieth century and a giant in his fields who has far surpassed J.F. Kennedy and Aldous Huxley in his huge influence today though his death was largely ignored when these men all passed away about the same time.
It appears you are very busy, but perhaps you might be interested in signing up for daily C.S. Lewis emails with brief entries for a variety of his works from Bible Gateway:
Here is a sample reading for today:
I’ve also signed up for Dietrich Bonhoeffer and other inspiring daily emails from this source you may want to check out yourself.
I hope you don’t find me too pushy about Lewis, but you did inspire me to write this based on your last thought about investing more time in Lewis.
All I can say is when my faith is hanging on by a wing and a prayer, I can always find inspiration in C.S. Lewis. His Screwtape Letters allow us to see how we are so easily misled by the “devil” when we examine our behavior in a different but amusing, witty light.
Again, thanks for writing here. I hope we hear more from you and that you are steering young children from junk science, destructive DSM stigmas and toxic drugs to more positive mind sets and goals. C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia would make great school reading if you are able to read to students!
Sorry, my link to today’s reading was wrong. Here is a correction:
As you can see some readings are shorter and some longer and you can always save some up if you don’t have time to read them daily.
Look forward to hearing from you again.
You can also read the daily C.S. Lewis readings on the Biblegateway web site here:
I’m waiting for fellow C.S. Lewis lover Duane to share C.S. Lewis views of tyranny when people force their so called help on others for “their own good.”
I’ll dig it up if Duane doesn’t though he has quoted it many, many times.
Thanks for the inspiration!
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
Always appreciated this Albert Einstein quote. The key seems to be trying to increase the percentage of time we embrace the latter and reducing the proportion of time that the former seems to be the ruling body.
Have a great New Year.
In honor of Duane who has repeatedly shared these famous words of C.S. Lewis, I am posting C.S. Lewis’ great quotation about the tyranny of those moral busybodies who try to force their will on others “for their own good.”
C. S. Lewis Quote
Quotes by Category | Quotes by Person | Quotes of the Day
“Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good
of its victim may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.
The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may
at some point be satiated, but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval
of their own conscience.”
C. S. Lewis
(1898-1963), British novelist
“God in the Dock” (1948)
Conscience, Hypocrisy, Morals, Oppression, Power, Tyranny, Terrorism
I very highly recommend these Narnia movies for children of all ages from 3 to 100! They are wonderful Disney versions.
Forgive me if I got over enthused, but as a great C.S. Lewis fan, I couldn’t help sharing my great awe of this great man with an seemingly interested party like James here.
To help bring in the New Year:
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ― C.S. Lewis
Thanks for showing up to see Lewis’ tyranny quotation I posted in your honor. Good to see a fellow Lewis devotee here.
Your New Year’s quotation is also a great one and in keeping with this post.
Happy New Year, Duane. Let’s literally pray for all in this nation so that toxic biopsychiatry will be exposed and destroyed and our children will finally be more safe and free from such evil predation and biopsychiatry/Big Pharma oppression.