He Spurred a Revolution in Psychiatry. Then He ‘Disappeared.’

3
838

From The New York Times: “On the second day of the annual convention of the American Psychiatric Association in 1972, something extraordinary happened.

While the assembled psychiatrists, mostly white men in dark suits, settled into rows of chairs in the Danish Room at the Adolphus Hotel in Dallas, a disguised figure had been smuggled through the back corridors. At the last minute, he stepped through a side curtain and took his place at the front of the room.

There was an intake of breath in the audience. The man’s appearance was grotesque. His face was covered by a rubber Nixon mask, and he was wearing a garish, oversized tuxedo and a curly fright wig. But the outlandishness of his outfit diminished in importance once he began to speak.

‘I am a homosexual,’ he began. ‘I am a psychiatrist.’

For the next 10 minutes, Henry Anonymous, M.D. — this is what he had asked to be called — described the secret world of gay psychiatrists. Officially, they did not exist; homosexuality was categorized as a ‘mental illness,’ so acknowledging it would result in the revocation of one’s medical license, and the loss of a career. In 42 states, sodomy was a crime.

The reality was that there were plenty of gay people in the A.P.A., psychiatry’s most influential professional body, the masked doctor explained. But they lived in hiding, concealing every trace of their private life from their colleagues.

‘All of us have something to lose,’ he said. ‘We may not be under consideration for a professorship; the analyst down the street may stop referring us his overflow; our supervisor may ask us to take a leave of absence.’

This was the trade-off that had formed the basis of the masked man’s life. But the cost was too high. That’s what he had come to tell them.

‘We are taking an even bigger risk, however, in not living fully our humanity,’ he said. ‘This is the greatest loss, our honest humanity.’

He took his seat to a standing ovation.

The 10-minute speech, delivered 50 years ago Monday, was a tipping point in the history of gay rights. The following year, the A.P.A. announced that it would reverse its nearly century-old position, declaring that homosexuality was not a mental disorder.

Article→

***

Back to Around the Web

Support MIA

MIA relies on the support of its readers to exist. Please consider a donation to help us provide news, essays, podcasts and continuing education courses that explore alternatives to the current paradigm of psychiatric care. Your tax-deductible donation will help build a community devoted to creating such change.

$
Select Payment Method
Personal Info

Credit Card Info
This is a secure SSL encrypted payment.

Billing Details

Donation Total: $20 One Time

3 COMMENTS

  1. I’ll tell them a few things, and it’s questionable whether I would have to wear a mask.
    “You say that I’m a “schizophrenic,” or “schizo-effective” and yet that’s my very nature to be able to relate to imagery that’s too flexible to fit your ideas of reality-based, stuff not even imprisoned in the limitations you associate the physical work with.

    ONE EXAMPLE is how recently — and there are x-rays to prove it, but you’ll find some excuse that to you adds up rather than the simplicity of it’s reality — how I had a tooth infection, for maybe 5 or six years, and had enough of the dentists not telling me what I needed to know (all I needed to know was that I needed a bit to stop me grinding, which was traumatizing the ligatures on teeth that were bothering me because THEY had done some cosmetic work that wasn’t necessary, being that they are a center and student come there). It got infected, I went into alternative healing, actually changed my life, took phytic acid out of my diet, and then sugar, then found that colloidal silver sprayed with a water pik machine would keep it at bay (also chewing on garlic and ginger along with oregano oil), but it still was there. Then I got involved with a healer that works with energies beyond time, she has a healing sanctuary, and all one needs do is for twenty minutes twice a day sit and meditate (or once for forty), and indeed after the three months she specified, there was a healing spurt, and the infection got so much better that it basically wasn’t bothering me. I could do things I hadn’t been able to before, because it kept me feeling tired, queasy, there was pus or blood coming out regularly, if I went outside in the cold it hurt my gums.

    Just to let you know what kind of nonsense can go on would someone have the flexibility of thought that might allow a miracle…..

    WHY am I bringing all of this up, talking about being “schizo-effective.” Before the infection, maybe four years, I had been taking a parks and recreation class with apparently a VERY PARANOID social worker who was teaching yoga. I was sort of peripherally aware that she was paranoid, she would respond so defensively would I ask the simplest question, because I really wanted to learn yoga and loved it. When the apex of it came, her whole delusional state, I actually tripped everything up by trying to express something to the heads of Parks and Recreation about investments. Because Hollywood has such chase scenes, and there had been stuff going on with them, and WOW is that corrupt regarding image games. Same as that when this paranoid “social worker” can get her friends to think I’m in love with her – I was in love with yoga NOT her, I’m also gay, and she was quite repulsively coy, which I actually found amusing, like reading a character description in a book, so I might listen to her “conversations” – that then ANYTHING I do would be misinterpreted. So, when I for one day thought something was going on and had made a tapestry or a quilt of stuff to at least have it there potentially as having something to do with something, and the next day started to sort it out, NO I was already made out to be a dangerous psychotic that was in love with this paranoid totally non-reality-based social worker, who when she said I could become violent people would believe it.
    The tapestry or quilt is quite simply, and easy to explain for me, but that’s personal. The gist of it is that I knew Mozart’s mother’s father (Mozart’s mother is my other half in spirit, we’ve ALWAYS been together, and I had talked with her quite a bit through mediums 30 years or so ago, although we had to stop doing that, too many mediums start acting like Lord Voldemoort when they don’t understand the love between a child and it’s mother), and knew Mozart’s mother’s father had lost everything, had made bad investments, and somehow I saw this going on with what was going on in the yoga class. I thought that this “teacher” had been Mozart’s mother’s father, and thought it pertinent to warn about some of the stuff I saw going on. That OF COURSE wasn’t understood, that was about non linear time (“past” lifetimes which still are part of life’s matrix), and then I had other symbolic stuff mixed in, which is quite florid. But to get to the gist of it, she wasn’t Mozart’s mother father, she was perhaps her mother, because I ran into him later, he was one of the dentists that had been telling me for FIVE YEARS to get a root canal, and I NOTICED he was making wrong investments. You can look up the dangers of root canals, if you don’t believe it, I’m still better off with the spiritual healing, from a healer that works from the space that has no times, and has been tested in a hospital to get a cancerous tumor to dissolved in ten minutes. But this was before getting involved with the healer, it was that when I recognized that man, and noticed although at level involved with mainstream practice he wasn’t making cogent investments, when I mentioned spiritual healing, he softened, and I knew I was introducing something that dissolved the tragedy from back then, the bad investments leading towards him losing everything and he died early, and then a year or two later, I came upon the healer, and the tooth DID heal. Because that’s beyond time, just that he felt that, although he might never heard about it. But you see, if I hadn’t brought this “crazy” idea up regarding investments, this whole landscape of time, this wouldn’t have been something I experienced, which IS what miracles are about, beyond the physical. They are reminders.
    And what else was in the tapestry? That’s all over the place. There was an actress in the class, but she played David Copperfield’s second wife, when Mr. Radcliffe (Daniel) was the young David. In that Version of David Copperfield. And then unfortunately, I have to add that Brad Pitt had the habit of coming to the same coffee house as I went to, and had gotten sexual feeling for me, or that’s how HE put it. I’ve never talked with him regarding memories of being Vaslav Nijinsky, but apparently he heard about it, because he found that convenient to refer to me as such one day. This was before he even got together much with Jennifer Aniston, but it was all over the tabloids so supposedly “everyone” knew. After quite a strange back and forth with someone who I have the tendency to call part of his “humpty dumpty band” because they always gave each other high fives, he suddenly mentioned TWICE that she was still mad at him. And then “speculated” that: “Maybe she’s mad at me because she knows I want to have sex with Vaslav Nijinsky.” Which sounds already for me to repeat it as if I’m making it up and psychotic which I’m not, it also involves Nijinsky with bizarre sexual politics, the kind of stuff that drove him crazy, and it quite insensitive whether it’s towards ANYONE, regardless of “Nijinsky.” When I came out of the state of just listening to such, whatever one calls it, I did get quite mad. He also never approached me in any decent way asking about something as personal as what he felt free to make reference to, that being “Nijinsky.” And then I had enough of it, awhile afterwards, did a search for Brad Pitt, and the only place talking about him being gay or not was a gay porn blog. I posted something there, and within a short time, not only did all of their posts disappear, but I got a phone call sounding like it was from Jennifer Aniston: “Hello Heeeeello…. HELLO……. YOU PRICK!” If she had that post removed, who knows how many millions or what it cost, but that ate least spared me from at that point in my life to have the paparazzi camped on my doorstep, or have ANYTHING to do with all of it, where you or anyone involved is taken apart, abused by media speculation, lies, assumptions, and anything they can get their claws on the make media prattle about, the more volatile the better to create volatility spikes online that draw in what people do there…….

    They were married by then, but divorced, and then we have this “yoga class”

    So here, we are, and someone that looks like Jennifer Aniston’s boyfriend she had for awhile, but broke up with, but is from this Hollywood stuff, he’s at the candy machine. But it wasn’t that guy, actually, it was someone else, which opens a door to a whole other reality, which I might go into. Anyhow, WHY NOT, if the two look like each other, why couldn’t this be Jennifer Aniston’s ex boyfriend, having some secret way of getting to the candy machine at the yoga class (which incidently was at the highschool I had attended some 32 years prior, although temporarily because the building the class usually was in was being worked on); and it seemed a means of intimidation, as if they know how to get to you, know where you’re having yoga classes etc….. you better be controlled by them. Or make sure you’re cool enough, Hollywood knows. And there’s this ridiculous chase seen like stuff going on because this yoga teacher social worker was totally paranoid, had gotten a whole group of friend to walk her to her car after class, as if I had any other interest in her.

    I couldn’t leave after class was finished, ANYWHERE near when she did, or I was supposedly stalking her. Although only by chance did I ever a couple of times leave when she did and only went straight to my bike, usually she and everyone else had left, and I was the last person out.
    I could be slowly putting my cloths on over my sweat pants and shirt, which I had to do since I was riding my bike home, not taking a car, and her teaching wasn’t really good yoga, as she didn’t allow the body time to relax the muscles properly to really allow for proper posturing and breathing, so I’d be coming down from that. But if I was doing that, and she was talking with someone, which I actually found amusing, she was such a character, so I might listen like when reading a book, then supposedly I was listening intently on her conversations.

    She had mentioned once having bought a bunch of chocolate, and was moaning about it, that she liked chocolate. Someone mentioned putting it in the back of the refrigerator. I actually had found out that putting coco in your oatmeal in the morning, that one can get the same resonant buzz as from the coco in a chocolate bar. It also happened that once during the last pose, that she said: “don’t think about what you’re going to do after class, you haven’t left yet, you’re not concentrating.” This was interesting to me, because I had been thinking about getting a big cookie after class. There are latino stores in my neighborhood, and I like their cookies better than the generic America type. But then I decided not to do that, and I didn’t. I thought I’d mention this to her, after class once: how I hadn’t gone to get the cookie because of what she said, and then also mentioned how you can get such a resonant buzz from just coco in oatmeal (rather than all of the sugar in chocolate). Having said that, she simply mentioned that she didn’t remember, which I thought meant she didn’t remember having said what I reminded her of, and then mentioned that the next class was to start. I then noticed I had been running my mouth, and didn’t like that, nor did I like it how coy she seemed, in her supposed kind manner that didn’t seem completely genuine, which was quite true. Because afterwards she turned that into me supposedly having heard that she shouldn’t take in too much sugar, and that I was mad at how much sugar she was taking, and she also made out she had said things to me she never had. She said she had told me to “back off,” which she had never said. If she had, I would have probably never tried to say ANYTHING to her again. And so she either lied to make me out to be some obsessive person I wasn’t, or she really was delusional regarding what she had said. I CERTAINLY wasn’t angry at her for her sugar intake, had never heard her mention whether she had to watch her sugar. And then a “friend” of hers who had started some of the paranoia, she had mentioned how she couldn’t believe how mad I got. I wasn’t mad… I just for a moment realized I hadn’t noticed the time, and must have looked severe for a moment, like you do when you should have been paying attention to the time.

    The first class, she said everyone could ask whatever they wanted to, and I was talking with her about a different kind of yoga I had learned from a tape, and then I also at that time was sharing musical CDs I had made of my piano playing with all sorts of people, just to share, and they all really liked it. I had taken a yoga class before that with another person as teacher, had shared my music, and he thought it was good. Lots of people like my CDs. One lady had given her copy to her sister, who wouldn’t give it back because it was the only thing that got her to go to sleep at night. So, I had tried to share a CD, and she actually proposed to play it in class, which I didn’t know if I liked, because it would be distracting to me, I might start listening and finding stuff wrong with what I did, or want to change things, and it can be too much. So, I mentioned that, and she said she couldn’t take CDs from students. So I thought that was that, but then this later turned into that I was trying to intimidate her by hovering over her during the conversation, and that I was two inches taller than I am and about 50 pounds heavier. What I remembered from trying to make ANY sense out of YET AGAIN another really very untrue convoluted statement, was that I noticed she was rather hunched over as she was talking, and I decided to straighten up in contrast, and might have taken one half step towards her, although I was still at least four or five feet away from her. I in NO WAY was trying to intimidate her. And her evaluation of me was literally FULL of such nonsensical paranoid and pretentious misinterpretations. This “friend” of hers had seen the conversation, and then mentioned later (I heard from her report trying to make me out things were going on that weren’t) that I was “in her personal space,” and I really only was really in love with yoga. I’m also gay, so I had NO interest in her. I DOUBT that if I was female, there would be the same response. Also, once during class, I had a very personal emotional memory going on, actually from spirit, and it made me tear up a bit. That same “friend” suddenly said: “and he starts crying,” as if there was something going on. AT THAT POINT I had no idea she and her friends had started this BIZARRE conspiracy theory that I was in love with her, so in reality it was THEM that were in MY personal space. I couldn’t even have an emotional reaction that had NOTHING to do with them, and not get such bizarre reactions.

    One class, she was talking with someone that was on my other side, so she was basically talking THROUGH me, and I couldn’t but hear it. She was AGAIN moaning about something. About all of the shots she had to have, the vaccines, because she worked in a hospital. I asked her whether she was a nurse, and she mentioned she was a social worker. Then I asked, because I had been getting e-mails about this, whether the vaccines work as well as they say they do. It was just what anyone might say regarding any topic. She said she didn’t want to have a WHOLE CONVERSATION about it, and so I calmly responded with that I think you have to look at both sides. I’ve recently had the covid vaccines, and I’m not anti-vax necessarily, although there are things I think one can’t ignore. But after me simply saying calmly that I think you have to look at both sides, she got really snippy and said: “Those who aren’t taking the vaccines are making the rest of us sick.”

    I REALLY didn’t like that. To begin with there is a WHOLE lot of disease going around because people don’t take care of themselves, they don’t stay home when sick, they don’t rest when they should, they don’t even know how to keep their immune system in shape, and they cause an incredible amount of tension, such as snipping at someone when they’d have to actually look at more than one side of something. There’s A LOT more to preventing other people from getting sick than whether you get vaccines, and this was only regarding the flue shots. And it was just rude, so I had actually called the guy who is in charge of the teachers there, mentioned that I didn’t take yoga class to be told I have to do what the drug companies say, he stated that he hadn’t gotten his shots that year, and then I mentioned something else. She had a portable CD, which she would use to play music, but there was a speaker not working, only static would come out. I actually had mentioned this, only that, that one speaker wasn’t working, and she poohed poohed parks and recreation, saying it was “just parks and recreation” so she wasn’t going to get a new one. I actually told the guy from parks and recreation about this, and he said that maybe she was scared to ask for a new one, and they’d buy one for her. Which they did.

    THAT turned into that I didn’t like her music: I had said NOTHING about her music, I had said that one speaker wasn’t working but was giving of static, and wondered whether she heard it, and then she said that I was completely against vaccines, which ALSO wasn’t true, it also was a conversation I had never had with her, it was with the facilitator at parks and recreation for the teachers, it was that I had gotten negative e-mails about it, and was repeating what it said in those e-mails, although I didn’t necessarily believe it, but that wasn’t even a conversation I had had with her, nor was it my real viewpoint. And then she said I had started the conversation rudely while she was talking to someone else. SHE had been talking right through me, to another person, I couldn’t help hearing it. Decent people take that into account, rather than if I don’t behave like an inanimate object there’s something wrong with me.

    Which brings the next things up. Along with ANYTHING she could use to misinterpret just about EVERYTHING in the yoga class, the class after that, it being Autumn it was cold outside and I’d have to wear gloves. And I had eczema badly, which when I was wearing gloves and doing any exercise like riding my bike would be like torture because my hands would sweat, and it would feel like someone sticking pins in my skin because of the eczema. But I had gotten to a bus stop that would take me close to the yoga class, a short enough distance on my bike to not cause problems, I thought. The bike then fits on a bike rack in front of the bus. I had gotten to the bus stop, and the bus came, but the rack in front of the bus was full of other bikes so I couldn’t take the bus, so I didn’t go to class. The result was that, when she was making this whole report, of how supposedly I was in love with her (which I wasn’t) and I was supposedly dangerously non-reality based (which again was something else) she said that I was resentful of this disagreement and thus didn’t come to class. Added to everything else, as if she knows what I’m thinking, and what’s wrong with it, when she couldn’t know WHY I went to class or not. Added to that would I show up in class, because she’s making stuff up, just about anything I do WHEN THERE could receive the same presumptuous paranoia, or downright lies, or the inability on her part to see what was going on, or even remember correctly.

    I actually had a spirit friend talk to me once during class. And it was a very clear voice, it said to not even ask her things after class, just to take the class and then leave. I even know who that spirit is, but won’t get into it. That’s MY business, my personal space. And YES I heard a clear voice in my head. Telling me EXACTLY what to do to avoid all of these pretentious paranoid evaluations that WERE NOT reality based, but it bothered me because I knew I wasn’t doing anything but asking simple normal questions. So I did simply ask her normal questions. Then, after she got this restraining order, full to the brim with misinterpretations, discriminatory paranoid evaluations, and either downright lies or her inability to process what happened, not be able to remember, or not tell the difference between her paranoia and reality; after all of that I had to sit and try to deal with all of that, while not in a state to be able to, and she sits up in her seat, and says to the judge: “I know…. He doesn’t hear voices, he sees things that aren’t there, it’s non reality based….” I do hear voices, very clear voices that are accurate, I also knew the day after trying to communicate about investments that I thought things were going on that weren’t physically really there the way I thought, but then it was too late. On the other hand, it is QUITE CLEAR that she TIME after TIME after TIME felt free to be paranoid and discriminatory, and this didn’t change, nor did she question it. But SHE is going on about non reality based thoughts!? And it makes one wonder how much she’s lying. One famous psychiatrist is actually quoted as saying that if you want to have your child committed, to turn over the furniture. I don’t know, and I actually was trying to be positive that she simply didn’t remember or was going on so much with her friends about what they thought was happening and it wasn’t that they had lost touch with reality but the riff between what I really was doing and thinking and what she made out of it is so severe that I truly wonder HOW MUCH she was lying. And NOW, I DO NOT LIE. For me to call parks and recreation and start talking about Mozart’s mother’s father, and Hollywood, and other stuff that really was my mind disassociating from highly discriminatory and dehumanizing ideas, that REALLY shows I’m not lying. It takes A LOT of honesty to have and express such thoughts about stuff most people are going to think are totally wacko, although to me in the end they have a whole reality all their own.

    If I would watch what she was doing, because I couldn’t follow her sing-song voice, I was gawking at her, and her “friends” said all I did was look at her. I was trying to see what she was doing, it was a yoga class for Heaven’s sake, and I wanted to learn yoga. Why is she even DOING the poses otherwise!?

    I can only wonder what she would have made out of me not looking at her: Would I then not have been interested in yoga, and had some other ulterior motive!?

    She also had made the strange statement that I was in her personal space, and I didn’t do anything she said. I tried to follow all of her poses, actually, and it was HER and her friends, and were making stuff up that wasn’t going on at all, if one is to talk about intruding in one’s personal space. It’s like there was supposed to be a sign, like one used to have in the old south stating where Black People used to have to exit a building: “Schizophrenics must not exit any time near to when the yoga teacher is leaving, or you’re stalking her, all other people can leave when they want to.”

    I didn’t wear my glasses during class. They might get in the way, and I didn’t feel comfortable doing yoga without them, so I would get up close to where she was so I could see. THAT again was turned into me supposedly wanting to be close to her for some other reason.

    One class, the last class of hers I went to, I had a backache, and I couldn’t do some of the poses. Although I did at least 70 to 80 percent of them or more, otherwise I’d go into the child’s pose (she had said to do that if tired, which she actually repeated to the class when I did do that), or I would lean my head on my hand. THAT turned into that I supposedly spent 80 percent of the class staring at her with my head on my hands. COMPLETELY not true. I just wonder whether she actually believes that, which means she has quite severe cognitive problems seeing the difference between her own paranoia and what’s really going on, whether she was lying, or whether she just feels free to exaggerate because I somehow made her feel uncomfortable about nothing. The only free place when I walked into class was right in front of her, which AGAIN was made into something it wasn’t. I also was a bit late, and apologized explaining I was detained by someone I ran into, but that ALSO was made out that I made a big commotion and was late. And then there was a class right after that, and AGAIN I don’t have a car, I have to put clothes back on, also the shoes which were difficult, because I had to get galoshes on over my regular shoes, that was squeaking, and she heard me, and instead of just leaving me be to get my stuff and leave, in a VERY ANGRY MANNER, she said I’d have to be faster or take my stuff with me, and then pointed towards a whole different exit to the room, which went into the main building, which I had no idea where it would lead or how to get out, and so I just quietly left out the exit every else did. A whole angry outburst, because I actually had to deal with riding a bike, rather than having a car, even though those classes are SUPPOSED to be for people like me who can’t afford yoga otherwise, and I have no money for a car, don’t want to cause the pollution.

    I was simply riding my bike home, and then I noticed one of her “friends” riding around with a cell phone in a car, as if me simply getting my stuff together, because she was teaching another class, that that was some danger. I entertained that for a moment, but as such goes with people who are CONSTANTLY assaulted with such hateful paranoia, I disassociated from even considering it, because I KNEW nothing was going on. One person, a friend on facebook told me how in their class regarding perhaps even SOCIAL WORK, they had gotten permission to spend a whole day going up and down an elevator at a mall. The idea was to see how people respond to anything a bit unusual. And so they would just go up and down and up and down, and if someone complained the security would go with them one floor up, and then they’d get off, but get back on. The nice girl had quite a story to tell of how ridiculous people respond about nothing. Or go somewhere looking like a homeless person and see how people respond, or go somewhere and talk to yourself. Or say things in a dadaist manner (a legitimate art form) and see how people respond. There was nothing going on. I NEVER was in love with her. I’m not some potentially violent person either. This “social worker” in a report ACTUALLY put down that she was scared I would show up at her work, or at her home. (!?) So ANYONE her and her “friends” would become suspicious of because they really were animated enough about what was being taught (yoga) then, they would start on making false interpretations, and one would get a whole snowball effect.

    The next day, I tried to call parks and recreation, with the whole tapestry or quilt involving investments, because of EVERYTHING going on I was disassociating from. ALL of the paranoia, and then the weird Hollywood stuff, which is where a lot of the stereotyping and chase scene inducing paranoia comes from, actually. In reality it’s not as if such media machinery isn’t involved, actually, to be realistic. THESE DANGEROUS SCHIZOS. And in reality, you couldn’t get me to want to own a gun, nor do anything violent, even if it was required. I’ve been a war protester for years, have often, during the Iraq war been protesting, and heard from my sister that her friends saw me often on the local news, when they filmed the protests. That and my long hair and easy clothes probably added to the stereotyping. And this “yoga teacher” social worker could look into her computer and see whether I had a diagnosis. She mentioned that this friend of hers had said: “He’s in your personal space, what’s wrong with him!?” The same girl that couldn’t see me tear up a bit about something that had NOTHING to do with anything there, nor would I want it to, and she thinks I’m crying because I’m in love with this pretentious teacher (and I’m gay, which probably also they misinterpret, because then I’m not guarded around girls like they think men are supposed to be, although would any girl they haven’t already stereotyped with who knows what behave that way towards them there’s no presumption)……

    And now 13 years later, having run according to the man [according to me, rather than just discarding that thought] who is or was (reincarnated from then) Mozart’s mother’s father, and having brought something real positive as to what one can invest in, and an infection that, because I invested in spiritual healing, wasn’t supposed to clear up but did after five or six years, I can’t say that me trying to say ANYTHING about investments is “non reality based,”

    I even understand the trauma of not being able to think things through. The anxiety that caused me to latch onto stuff that was only symbolic, even what happened in my childhood to cause that anxiety, but then I understand trauma, rather than even judging others who caused my anxiety. But I can’t say it’s non-reality based. It’s more flexible stuff that create a relationship with themes in life that are more objective than what the ego through the physical senses can pin reality down into being limited by.
    Regardless, I experienced a miracle, and I have the x-rays to prove it.

    Perhaps I actually do know who the guy was at the candy machine, it was the son of a lady who I had frequently encountered working at a goodwill store, I had seen them together, but that’s a whole other story involving connections with the spirit whose voice I so clearly heard. A whole other time with themes still reaching out for miracles. It was a colleague of the spirit I was concerned with. A colleague that I know would get into trouble because of such WEIRD power struggles going on. As if it isn’t INCREDIBLY unsettling that such lies are going around. Just because this paranoid, discriminatory pretentious woman thinks I’m in love with her when I wasn’t, and something she completely can’t understand and calls non-reality based, might lead to miracles. Which by now they do.

    And now I’m NOT saying that everyone should stay away from the dentist, and not get treatment, this was just something I felt impelled to do. Do your own thing. And by the way, the dentist told me there was no sign of infection, although it had been there for like 5 years or so. THAT was in the x-rays from May 23. So no one is going to say that I’m in danger because I’m not following medical procedure. I also have a social worker I see regularly, one who respects me. The last time I saw her, when I mentioned this other person, who was supposed to be teaching yoga, that she would make such statements, her remark was that it wasn’t her job to evaluate me, it was her job to teach yoga. I’ve since found yoga that works, because it’s gentle to the body, and actually healing. And the social worker I’ve seen for oh 5 years or so (I don’t know exactly I’d have to look into it), she has NEVER seen any signs that I could become violent about ANYTHING. And she KNOWS me, because she’s taken the trouble to understand people like me! In fact, there are three social workers I’ve seen the last 5 or six years (one for a year, one for three months, and the other the rest of the time) and NONE of them have had ANY concerns regarding me as a danger to anyone, or myself. But because I’d heard so many stories about social workers like this “yoga teacher” that I stayed away from them until I heard about an organization that was different. This “yoga teacher” CERTAINLY didn’t inspire me to think a social worker would be helpful, but there ARE others.

    • Just to be clear, since it’s quite a melange of stuff I’m going on about.

      The theme of Mozart’s mother’s father having lost everything, because he had made bad investments, that was just something that came up reflecting all of the paranoid behavior towards me. THAT is bad investing, in thought already, but that’s also how whole deceptive bubbles appear, not just social behavior (and then you can add this weird psychiatric idea of statistical based norms to what keeps it going, regardless that it’s paranoid, discriminatory or simply wrong) but also in economic bubbles. That’s how they create bubbles, stirring up volatility about something, creating paranoia, getting people to think they are under attack and investing in lies, which is mostly social, but in economic bubbles it’s trends that also have the same predatory bend to them. They are just trying to get people to invest in something, and keep it going until they know the bubble will burst, and then bail themselves out and run off with their money while everyone they conned is left with what they invested in suddenly plummeting in value.

      I WAS aware of such behavior going on, the simple thought mechanics of if, but was disassociating from the actual behavior; the dehumanizing paranoia. I thought that the yoga teacher was Mozart’s mother’s father, but I think she could have been his [Mozart’s mother’s father’s] wife, then. But then nine or ten years later, dealing with this infection: I actually didn’t get the tooth pulled or a root canal for five or six years, actually not following their recommendations, and was advised to get a root canal numerous times, but investing in spiritual healing the infection went away, and they now say to NOT get it pulled or a root canal, that they see no infection anymore. So, nine or ten years later I did run into someone that my mind recognized as Mozart’s mother’s father, and although I recognized him because he was rather restricted in what he tried to promote as what to invest in regarding the treatment, when I mentioned spiritual healing, he softened and had a truly adoring look in his eyes. Having such thoughts about his past lifetime, or what I thought was his (could have been simply symbolic) and knowing I had introduced something else to invest in which softened his whole demeanor in showing interest in, something that WAS worth investing in, I knew the infection would go away. In maybe a year or so I found a healer that helped me. And the infection is now gone.

      So this one idea of investments regarding someone who had lost everything, probably being conned by the economic system, and then the evolution of time, branches in the tree of reincarnation embracing miracles, lessons learned, how simply introducing something that’s worth investing in because it’s from a source that doesn’t lost in giving (spirit: for-give) that in ways was made out to be dangerous psychosis…..

      And it embraced so many things, one is going to get overloaded, and then all the paranoia was going on.

      There’s more stuff I could go on about, regarding hearing voices…..Because a spirit you all know regarding miracles had some thing to say, but I’ll maybe go on about that another time….

    • I have to add, actually, that prior to this, when I got more of a place for myself, I had talked with Anna, Mozart’s mother. Who I call Anna, and she likes the name enough, or somewhat enough….
      She had, about 33 years ago, suddenly channeled through a medium who was trying to give messages, but then she told me she had to put him in a trance because he was doubting the information. And I think it was just an emotional thing. But given the situation, it caused problems, quite a bit. The medium started acting like Voldemort in a way. I was told by another spirit talking through him that he had been “blown away” by the love between me and Anna, and then he started trying to control the energies. The last time I talked to her through him, she left saying: “No, Anna is not from the past,” and then when he woke up, he was going on that she was stronger than another entity. And again, he didn’t understand it. Then he started all sorts of power plays and resentments.

      So, I had asked her about this when I finally had my own place and I did this on my own not through a medium, and was quite upset, because it was more than a bit harrowing trying to figure out what was going on, and she finally said: “I just wanted a family.” And then I knew that she never had one, you see. And thus the tragedy with her father came out. I DIDN’T actually know that her mother was so abusive. I knew that she had spent most of her childhood in bed, and was even known as the girl that was always sick. And later in life, as Wolfgang’s mother, she died of consumption, again because of the stress also, still resonating from her youth.

      And she’s my other half, we’re together, so this idea of investment is going to come up, further more you can see what investments in psychiatric diagnosis, and drugs, what that can lead to. And more stuff STILL regarding homosexuality.

      This whole trial recently with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, and the only way I see (I think I’m allowed to, whether that’s considered just opinion or not) that there’s any excuse for him denying all of the abuse, is that he doesn’t remember, because of the psychiatric drugs (administered because his “psychiatrist” decided he was bipolar) and then abusing psychiatric drugs with street drugs, and alcohol. And then also smoking, and he was demanding red bulls after another binge we all got to hear. All over the TV and Internet because he FORCED Amber heard to testify. And I believe her, which I don’t think is illegal. An abusive alcoholic that has blackouts safe behind closed doors, who has promised to change so his partner or friend is preventing his behavior from becoming known so he doesn’t get into trouble, or even doesn’t record it if necessary that he doesn’t, The alcoholic is now excused WITHOUT it being pointed out what alcohol does (another PRIME TIME commodity), or the rest of the substances that cause such behavior. How many school shootings are associated with psychiatric drugs and the information is withheld for “medical” reasons!? He [Johnny Depp] was coming off of Oxycontin, he was on Zyprexa, Adderal and Neurontin, he also smoked weed and cigarettes constantly, and drank more than he even remembered, and did all sorts of street drugs. I think that with the psychiatric drugs added, that he started exhibiting fugue states; or just simply when he couldn’t remember, or only had glimpses of it, that because he didn’t want to believe that he would do such things, that the psychiatric drugs “appeased” his desire to not remember, same as the whole court case now has done. He had a traumatic youth, and was used to dowsing his feelings, so in one way it’s understandable, but he isn’t anymore a child, even has children. He’s also not the most honest person either. Says so himself, that you can count on it that he lies. So we are to believe he’s not into not remembering, or even decides it’s no one’s business and then denies. No, I don’t believe Amber Heard was lying. Do I have the right to say that, or is that defamatory as well!? In fact, as it stands the whole English court system is defamatory, when a publication could defend itself, and had enough money to get lawyers. Amber didn’t have that anymore, from all of the cases she was forced to testify in, and she NEVER wanted to testify about any of it. If he thinks that the whole world is enamored of the American Court system, which has put more people per populace in jail than any other country, has put numerous people to death who were afterwards proven to be innocent, or even that there was more than a question regarding their guilt, when intelligent people saw clearly that there was more than enough doubt regarding their guilt (people not spending all their time getting their “fun time” dehumanizing someone on youtube, twitter, tiktok or the local bar), if he thinks that the whole world is enamored of the US judicial system, and that he has reinstated his position as a great actor, um…… I watched the whole trial, which was setup as a publicity stunt. Amber’s team didn’t want it on TV, didn’t want a jury, Johnny’s team actually played to the public vitriol with what I would call childish except it’s an insult to children, this na na NA you’re lying stuff. Turning any evidence around. fixating on details that could be blown up out of context, and misrepresenting them to begin with. It seems the problem with Amber’s lawyers is that they are decent people not trying to demonize anyone. When Johnny Depp actually stated that he thought texts that were sent from his phone weren’t from him, first saying: “I don’t know that you typed that up last night.” because he clearly didn’t remember, and when Amber’s lawyer decently stated: “You can be assured we didn’t type that up last night,” in a very calm empathic manner. Johnny then went on about other people could have been using his phone, and it was dropped. HIS lawyers would have had a field day: “Could you explain how we could have done this!? Is this akin to your being an expert on the difference between dog shit and human feces, that having nothing to do with resentments so severe against your wife that you ALSO texted about drowning her and then raping her dead body to make sure she’s dead!? Are you as sure what type of feces was in a bed, as to whether we typed this up last night!? COULD you explain how you could say you don’t know that we typed this up last night” And the rest of it. When he doesn’t remember what he said in the prior trial regarding whether he was drunk, he was being “nice.” That HE blows up the whole corporate media with stuff Amber was actually not wanting to report, this is all because SHE ever got a restraining order (and actually was told by her lawyer she needed to, rather than she wanted to), and had actual bruises. That of course is contorted out of shape. She had to show she had bruises to get a restraining order, otherwise she was covering them up, although there were multiple times they were still evident. But when SHE is enough in the public eye, that somehow TMZ knows she’s getting a restraining order (it could have simply been people following her, and noticed she went to where you get such a thing) then she supposedly alerted them, when she wouldn’t even know how to do that. But she can’t say she doesn’t know how they knew, and then she’s supposedly AGAIN lying!

      And the tragedy regarding the truth is that Amber KNEW Johnny wasn’t there. According to her, as she testified, while he was raping her, and molesting her, and bruising her, she could see that he wasn’t there, and said that IN COURT while testifying about stuff she never wanted to. She said he wasn’t there, it was all black behind his eyes, and she tried to get him to look at her, so that he would be there. That is wasn’t him. She was trying to get him to look at her so that he would become himself again. And then he promised he would change, and then he didn’t.
      And then she HAS TO start producing evidence that she never wanted to, BECAUSE Johnny started all these court cases, and she has more than most cases of domestic abuse would need, and actually exposing EXACTLY what the oped said, rather than there was proof of defamation.
      So now, Trump can get away with threatening to sue whoever for defamation. Johnny’s friend what’s his name is already doing that. I read that a lady had to tell two clients that if they mention their abuser, even without mentioning their name or their profession, that they can be sued.

      Amber never mentioned him in the oped. She also never actually alleged any violence. She said: “I became a public figure representing domestic abuse.” If you watched the trial, you would clearly see that there’s enough proof Johnny was abusive. Verbally, emotionally, and then there’s also to many people enough proof that he was violent, but that only came out because Johnny FORCED her to. She actually was protecting him, and thought he would change. But STILL there’s more proof than in most domestic violence cases, only we’re dealing with a commodity depending on an image, and someone who does so many controlled substances that it’s questionable whether he could remember at all how his trauma comes out due to the substance abuse. And then there’s a litany of people pointing out how paranoid he gets. When he starts using. She also said: “how institutions protect men accused of abuse.” rather than how institutions protect abusers. That’s AGAIN proven, added to that social media. And the headline “I spoke up against sexual violence,” which she didn’t write at all it was the Washington Post, she only tweeted the link to that article. And THAT is listed as if she “published it.” It COULD simply be that she didn’t want to be with a guy that tweeted about drowning her and fucking her dead body to make sure she was dead. To get away from such a guy IS speaking against sexual violence. Added to that the vulgar tweets referring to sexual organs he uses. Simply getting a divorce from HIM IS speaking against sexual violence.

      But HEH a jury that isn’t sequestered, is already in a court room that’s some sort of mobbing of Johnny Depp fanatics, inside and out, with a poor woman that’s already suffering PTSD and can’t express herself because of that, and thus isn’t all “calm and sedated” along with vitriol as soon as she steps out the courtroom, in real life, and in virtual reality….

      I’ll tell you something about Johnny Depp.

      He ALSO was all obsessed with “Nijinsky,” and REPEATEDLY referred to me as such, when in REALITY I have never had any direct conversation with him about any memories regarding that. It was SO ABSURD that when I went to a bar, and he was already smashed, when I sat down next to him, he acknowledged me with a business like nod, and THEN he started talking to the girl on this left about “Nijinsky:” “He’s vegetarian,” and honestly I don’t know what else. The girl probably didn’t know who he was talking about, and only replied with a dismissive: “People who are vegetarians,” as if this means they are lacking in something (strength). Johnny then pulled the Popey pose https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Popeye-The-Sailor-Man-Popeye-Rush-for-Spinach-Popeye-Village-T-shirt-by-mohamedht/52355058.EJUG5 something he had unaccountably seen in childhood. Popey’s strength comes from spinach incidently, so it’s not any theme to start confirming that vegetarians lack in strength, but Johnny went off, and last I saw was vigorously proselytizing and philosophizing towards people who neither had any notion much what he was going on about, nor much interest. When I read Amber Heard trying to describe his behavior, when she says she ended up with a bruise from a cell phone thrown at her, and described how Johnny first acted like a pitcher revving up his throw, I saw the same flippant behavior. That’s my memory, honestly. I’m not allowed to have it, because someone else was so drunk he couldn’t remember?

      And back to the topic of the article these are responses to:

      Then another time, I had two cards for free coffees at a coffee house, and took a friend there, who didn’t drink coffee, so we acted like we had to sneak a coke in there for her, which went bouncing under the table, once we sat down. I was trying to secretly get it to her (as if we were being watched), and then I must have misjudged the room underneath the table. I had already felt quite on edge about something, and wondered why, but had no idea till, after the bumping of the carbonation under the table, I looked to my left, and there Johnny Depp was sitting on a chair, and he says to me (word for word):
      “Nijinsky, lick my asshole,” which was meant as some dear thing he wanted me to do for him, a sexual desire. And THAT was something he said while completely sober. So he should remember, but he’s so under the influence, that one can wonder whether his memory is intact anymore: or whether it’s in limbo for him to allow it back in, or whether he wouldn’t be honest, to begin with. Or when honesty starts dawning or creeping back in it’s dowsed with see list already mentioned of controlled substances.
      No, I didn’t respond to it. Even though he sounded like what before or after became his Willie Wonka. And AGAIN, like Brad Pitt, he can do the role of a gay person that no gay person could do. Or then, being more than 20 years ago, couldn’t. It was all over the news years ago that Brad Pitt wanted to do a gay role, although no gay person could; and then he wouldn’t marry till gays could, but we have to now hear constantly about his divorce proceedings, currently, ALSO involving court cases against his ex. He could do a gay role, just like Johnny has twice. Not someone that was out. But would he or any of a group of such be honest about their feelings, that they have fallen in love with guys, that they have had sex with guys, that they have had sexual desires for guys, THAT might save thousands if not millions of lives. That would tell people who live in a world where their idea of a partner isn’t welcomed in the open, where they can’t talk openly about their feelings, where they can’t even show their feelings, where they can’t even speak against discrimination without encountering abuse, to THOSE people to hear that such ikons have the SAME feelings they have, that would save lives, according to me. And THAT is way beyond the “morality” of I’m-for-gay rights-but-i’m-not-going-to-actually-talk-about-my-gay-side-because-it-would-get-in-the-way-of-the-commodity-of-my-image. That’s actually another thing that Amber Heard did do, she was completely open.

      And this wasn’t even my point, although it’s in context with this article I’m responding to.

      The point was that investing in psychiatric drugs, and treatment, according to me has brought a whole court case, that someone using psychiatric drugs to supposedly help his emotional issues, not only ends up not being able to consciously work them out, but they break out when he’s having a black out. Because he turned to other substances, legal and illegal.

      I don’t even know how this could be dismissed. If you do even a simple search for Zyprexa and alcohol, you get this:

      Alcohol and Zyprexa

      What Should I Avoid While Taking Olanzapine? Avoid drinking alcohol or using illegal drugs while you are taking olanzapine. They may decrease the benefits (e.g. worsen your confusion) and increase adverse effects (e.g. sedation) of the medication.

      That’s just Alcohol and Zyprexa. That isn’t also Adderal, Neurontin, coming off of Oxycontin or abusing it before hand (along with abusing the other psychiatric drugs), also hefty usage of street drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, also caffeinated drinks….

      How that can add up to someone that knows what they are doing? And that even when their conscious mind has concrete philosophy against violence, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t loses sight of what’s going fabricating a belief violence is necessary. Or thinks he’s acting. This is someone who has been trained to let fictional realities become something one believes in…..

      Apparently he paid this psychiatrist $100,000 a month to help him with substance abuse problems. Doesn’t seem like it worked.

      That’s different then, though. When you don’t do what your psychiatrist says. That’s being non-compliant, rather than “defamatory.”

      What a good boy you are Johnny…..

LEAVE A REPLY