Let’s Repaint Our Blank Canvas

From Mad in South Asia: Writing one’s own story, and placing it in front of everyone is very difficult, I feel. But I am trying it out. Currently, the phase that I am going through, as they say, is one of a struggle of oneself with oneself. There are a number of questions that keep roaming around, will I be rejected? Will I be accepted and recognized by people? Will I be able to create an identity of my own? I think these are the challenges ahead. Within these circumstances, I am struggling to find something that will remain with me for a long time, and where instead of fear I will feel confident, feel safe. Where I will feel independent not just in name but truly internally free. I would constantly wonder, why this happened to me (only), I would be distressed, and I would find it difficult to go out, but I keep remembering the words of my friend, “each of us has our own journey, one that is unique, that is different.”

Read the full article here. 


  1. I don’t want to be or sound overly punticilious, derogatory or critical.

    But isn’t it asking questions that sounds so formulaic, so culturally based, almost cliches, like “who am I”, “will I be accepted?”, “do I want to be accepted?”, still is a form of tether to ideas one does not need, does not want, that do not fit me?.

    I am not saying it’s the opposite. Neither. Perhaps pointing out that somethings we asked for, or from, or to ourselves are not really what we want to ask. Maybe we haven’t trascended those questions and the framework they come from. Not saying either way gives freedom, but for me asking questions about the questions sometimes clarifies why I am asking a question…

    Those questions you are asking appear to me “advanced”, but categorizing, understanding I see the world different as you do, to me sound like: “Does god exist?”, “what is the true faith?”, “will I be loved by someone else?”, etc.

    Neither those sets of questions appear interesting to me: I am who I am, even if its undefined. Will I be loved?, who cares, not really my problem, does not reflect ONLY on me. I do what I can!, my kid learned that one from me very vividly, I think.

    It’s not I think much of myself, it’s, precisely, precisely, I am not alone in my world, my view of it, that sometimes those questions are not mine, or not meant for me. So, how could I, or how would I, even if I could, answer them?. Would I answer them for my “lovers”?. How could I answer for another if he/she/it could appreciate me?. Bonkers, I can’t…

    Even if I could appreciate, literally, everyone else, could I answer if they will do as I did just for me?, sounds fair question, but I cannot answer for them, even if individually I could say confidently NO.

    Many of those questions, at it’s simplest are to be answered if at all, by someone else, not by ourselves. And most others don’t get overly punctilious about them EITHER.

    I am guessing, again, all I have is me me, we mostly go with the flow…

    Not saying that is ok, safe or enyojable, but from my point of view, with caveats, I think that’s what WE do. Exceptions, reflections, mistakes, etc, do apply of course. Who am I to be overly formulaic?. 🙂

    Thanks!, Good luck. 🙂

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  2. A practical illustration:

    Two kids try to divine each other’s future, they can see, but not beyond someone elses choices, and they are bound by honesty:

    Will I be loved?: how do I know that?.

    Will I’ll be accepted?: No way for me to know that…

    Will I find a place in the world?: Beats me duder…

    Will I find a fulfillying life?: Can’t know that!.


    I guess that’s why many people go to fortune tellers, psychologists, etc.: they want answers to questions no one can answer…

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  3. Thank you, Deepali, for sharing your moving story.

    Girls and women are often pathologized for voicing their needs, even in so-called “progressive” cultures.

    I’m delighted you found encouraging people that helped you find ways to live
    that are meaningful to you.

    “The power of women’s anger | Soroya Chemaly”, courtesy TED

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