And You
a glosa
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
(Dylan Thomas)
I wear your moles, your plaque psoriasis;
Inherit your books, ensconce them on my shelf.
I see you in the mirror when I shave,
With the old clippers cut my hair myself,
Relive my childhood, play with Lego blocks,
Watch TV serials in black and white,
And read the old encyclopedia
I used to read under the sheets at night.
For sixty years I’ve been a boy of five
And you, my father, there on the sad height.
I see you when—I’ve other folks around—
They wheel you to a family gathering.
I’m there among the faithful, to say Hi
And metaphorically kiss your ring.
I’m bothered and relieved you never call;
If there’s a shred of self-worth to be saved,
I dare not make that one-mile pilgrimage,
To seek the benediction that I crave,
Compulsively, abjectly, it’s like a
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
I look into your grotesque face and see,
Like flesh-eating bacteria, your soul—
The wretched spirit you bequeathed to me—
Cannibalizing you as you grow old.
This horror movie I’m inhabiting
Grows monstrous as you die before my sight,
Refusing food as infants do their beets,
Making me beg you, “Dad, please take a bite.”
As if to say, while knowing it’s a lie,
“Do not go gentle into that good night.”
As your firstborn, scion, and protégé,
I’ve borne your face, your name, your demons all.
Most sons emancipate themselves as teens;
It took me fifty years to find the gall.
I’ve watched you howl in alcoholic rage,
And spent my tender years consumed with fright.
You’d mellowed by the time my sister came;
She loves you and she calls you every night.
It’s just as well with me, as I have my
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Copyright (c) 2013 Douglas J. Westberg
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Doug Westberg is a peer support specialist, mental health activist, author and performance artist in Portland, Oregon. His YouTube channel is https://youtube.com/user/steelheaddoug, his poetry website is https://madaboutpoetry.com/category/poem/, and his latest album is I Get The Blues, available at https://dougwestberg.bandcamp.com.
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